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that you would mess up the race issue while raising your child? I study race and gender as a doctoral student, have dated outside my race and read tremendously on the subject. We are listed as open to all races, which we are. However, sometimes I wonder if I will mess up, by not paying enough attention to the experience of race, or paying too much attention to race, etc.
Have any of you felt the same? Did it go away?
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I was surprised how aware of it I was when Matthew was first with us. Our first few times out with him, I felt like everyone was passing judgment.
That went away fast as I figured out it was me, not them. Matthew also had an unrepaired bilateral cleft lip and palete at the time and in retrospect, any looks we got were due to that not his race or ours.
My experience since then, in the 2 and 1/2 years we've had Matthew is that people are very friendly and welcoming to him, regardless of his color or theirs. In the end he's just a beautiful little boy and he charms the world as he goes.
Does that mean he won't encounter race issues as he gets older? Doubt it. I'm sure he and we will. I don't think there is a perfect answer other then to parent like your life and your childs depended on it :)
I'd like to think that Matthew will determine the importance of any issues that come up as he grows and that we'll tackle them together. I don't want to force or ignore the issue, but trust that we as a family will address it as we need to.
Does that make any sense at all? :)
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I have been parenting black and/or biracial children for 22 years now. I knew quite a bit about black history and culture, compared to many white Americans, before hand, but after our first biracial child came to us, I got really hungry for information about it. I got some good history books and read them, and watched every documentary I could find. I also subscribe to Ebony, bought African American cookbooks, etc.. I just felt like I needed to have a strong background on the topic. I think it has been a very good thing to have that basic fknowledge and understanding. I don't talk about it to the kids a great deal, but I do whenever it comes up and occasionally bring it up. They asked about it more when they were younger, like elementary school age. I always answered their questions, age appropriately. I don't single out my black kids, though. Anything I do or say is for the benefit of my white kids, as well as my black kids. We are all part of a multiracial family.One small thing that I have really appreciated is a cookbook called The Black Family Reunion Cookbook. It was put out by The National Council of Negro Women, about 18 years ago, and is a collection of members' recipes, as well as what they call "food memories". I read the cookbook cover to cover. It is still in print and they have it on Amazon. I have also made sure that both black and white people are reflected in various things we have around the house, like art work, Christmas decorations, doll populations, books, etc.. The fact that you are concerned about this demonstrates what a wonderful mother you will be to a transracially adopted child. Noelani