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Our son is now 15 months old and we've had him since birth. Two days a week a dear friend watches him while I work a part time job. I don't know why but for some reason I have a small fear that he will bond with her over me. She is the mother of four natural children. I"m not sure if this has anything to do with it.
This weekend we are going away for our anniversary and he is going to spend the weekend with our friends and for some reason, I am feeling so guilty about it and fearful that he won't want to come home with us. I wish there was some different way I could look at this situation and be thankful for friends like these.
Does anyone else ever have fears like this?
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You know what? everyone does :) I promise!! I have given birth and adopted and at this age, when they really can't express the depth of their bond with you, all those sneaky little fears come in.What I am going to do is PROMISE you that in around 6 months he is going to wrap his arms around your neck and say "I love you mama" and you will KNOW you are never, ever replaceable in his life - no matter who else he loves. I promise. All six of my kids have gone through "falling in love" with mommy at around 2. THAT is when the rewards start coming :)
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I had the same fears when I returned to work. A wonderful grandma from our church was keeping S for me. I was afraid S would want her over me because she was keeping her so much. S still knew and knows who her Mommy is! She loves her too, but I'm still Mommy. I love that I know I have someone who adores my daughter as much as I do taking care of her. It went from a fear to a comfort. Hang in there! The first night away is always the hardest!
It's been awhile so I don't know if you are still feeling this way but I wanted to chime in with a thought. I have only parented (so far) a child I gave birth to, but I have always worked full time at a job that involves a good bit of travel. I had to leave my daughter with my husband for days several times a year. I never worried that she would bond more to him because every time she was hurt or scared or upset she would want me. I think that the person that responds when the child is sick, scared, hurt or lonely in the middle of the night is the one that gets the strongest bond. Even if you are not around the the majority of the time the child is awake, they know you are there when they are sleeping, and they know you will get them if they need you. Don't worry about sitters too much - kids have a way of knowing who is temporary and who is permanent and you have way more time with yours than a lot of people get.
I was just having a conversation about this today. When I dropped C off at daycare this morning he immediately reached for his teacher and totally ignored me. I expressed my fears to her a couple of days ago; she said that lots of kids react that way, but when they are sick or hurt they always want mamma. All my mamma friends, whether by adoption or birth, have the same worries. I'm trying to be happy that he is so content at daycare and leave it at that.