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I was recently "found" on this web site by my birth father's daughter, my 1/2 sister. What a wild ride! I've been searching for my birth parents for 27 years and Lisa had been searching for me for 10. Just by chance she pulled up my file and the info I posted matched. It is bittersweet as my bfather passed away 15 years ago. I was able to find out that he wanted me very much and it was one of his wishes to find the child he fathered. I now have a nice relationship with my sister and will meet the rest of the family this summer for my grandmother's 93rd birthday.
They were able to give me the name of my birth mother and a picture of her. As soon as I saw her, I burst into tears. I look just like her through the eyes and nose. I even have her wavy hair.
My search angel contacted "Donna" and Donna was pleasant but as soon as my bfather's name was mentioned she said she couldn't give out that kind of information over the phone. 4 days later, it was my birthday and my search angel contacted Donna again. This time they had a long conversation about me. She was much more receptive. Donna found out her child was looking for her and that she had a daughter--she never knew the gender of her child.
During the conversation, Donna listened, was pleasant, but kept saying I don't know, I don't know....when asked if I could send her a letter, she said no not now.
Donna never said no to a reunion or denied I was her child. My search angel, who has fostered many reunions, says she just needs time to process. She told Donna that reunions could be a good thing. My search angel reassured her that all of my feelings toward Donna were positive and that I felt a connection to her because she gave birth to me. She even told Donna that I lost a child 2 years ago (my 20 year old son passed away) so I understand what it is like to lose a child. My search angel tried to make connections for Donna to me.
I am trying to understand where Donna is? I do not want to hurt her in anyway as I know surrendering me was very difficult for her. It has been 51 years and she must feel that she just got hit by a tidal wave.Can any one help me to better understand what my bmom is going through? Will she think about me now? Will she come around to a reunion?
Thanks, M
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Congratulations on building a relationship with your sister! If you haven't read it yet, the book The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler is a terrific book. [url=http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/]The Girls Who Went Away - Ann Fessler[/url]
It may help give you a starting point for understanding where your first mother is coming from.
If she's like all of the first parents I know, she thinks about you all the time. I hope she finds the courage to meet you someday soon.
Welcome to the forums!
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I have read that book and it is excellent. I was able to talk with a woman who was in the hospital at the same time as my firstmom and she was able to tell me a little about what my mother went through. The nuns were cruel with her. No one should have been treated that way. It was abusive. My heart aches for my mother.
Your bmom is probably really shocked that you found her.It sounds like it's been a long time. I have a daughter that just found out I'm her bmom(and we have always had contact), and it's still really hard for me.There are just so many emotions that come out when your child finds out who you are.
Good luck to you I hope she comes around soon!!!
Give her time and read The Girls Who Went Away as it will give you some insight as to what your mother went through. It is scary for mothers to reunite. I know when my son and I reunited I was petrified. He was pushy about talking over the phone but it took me 6 weeks before I found the courage to talk to him over the phone.
I appreciate it doesn't help not knowing what's going through your mother's head but she hasn't refused contact yet.
Good luck :hippie: