Where to meet and what to do/say?

Gosh knows I don't have all the answers, but here are a few lessons from my life. I used to be in sales, and there was this wonderful guy who trained us: The other person doesn't know what you're supposed to say next, so whatever you say next, will be what they think you were supposed to say. In other words -- don't worry about something perfect to say -- it doesn't exist, and what u say will be OK.Second, it may seem contradictory, but don't be afraid to make notes of questions you might have, and to look at them while you're together. Most of us think the other person would mind, but they don't. Here's a nice approach: "Do you mind if I ask you... (whatever it is)."I do like the park idea! Should be nice there. Sounds better than restaurant to me, also. But if it's a small town, she might worry about being seen? You might ask her if she'd mind meeting outside, and if there's a pretty place she likes. Picture... did you mean taking one to give her, or taking one with her/of her? I'd take one to give, in case it seems appropriate, and ask her if she minds taking one together or of her. Asking is always good....One other tidbit. When my stepson was about 5-7, we planned a BD surprise for his dad in a park. We had some brownies or something, and a card stepson had made. After he gave his dad the card, he looked at him and said, "Thank you for giving me life." I was stunned at the beauty of that. If you'd like to borrow it to put in a card for her... and might I suggest a card for her to open later, given to her only as you leave each other's company.Best of success to you both at this meeting. Please do come back and tell us how it goes, no matter how that is.

Actually, I wouldn't say that to a birthmother. It sort of implies: 1) "Thanks for not aborting me" - which she may have never intended to do. 2) "Thanks for giving a better life than you would have given me" - if she is a birthmother who really didn't have much choice in the matter, that could be upsetting as she may have felt that she could have given you a good life if she had been allowed.

I just had my first visit with my son and I traveled to his hometown. It was a long weekend and I stayed at a B&B not far from his house, but located in a rural area on farmland. I picked this place precicely because it was remote, there were places outside in nature to walk, and it was private. I was lucky because when I first got there, I was the only guest. The owners knew my son would be visiting and were very accommodating to him as well. So when he pulled up, I met him outside where we embraced for the first time since he was born. We then walked the property and just walked around for a long time before going about our day. It was really the perfect setting. I think a large park or another natural setting would be perfect. If there is a nature preserve or botanical garden or arboretum or forest preserve with some open fields by a pond or lake, that would also be nice. Don't worry about what you will say, just be yourself. You will both be nervous, but that's ok, and if there is silence, just go with it. Are you talking before hand and can you figure out together how you see the day going? My son pretty much put together the entire agenda for the weekend, but said any of it could be changed or done differently if I wanted. I just let him take the lead as I was on his turf and he had some nice things planned. You will probably end up spending the whole day together, maybe if you need a break in the middle of the day, allow for that. It IS intense, and I think in retrospect, I should have allowed for more downtime just to collect myself and recharge my batteries. Since you only have the one day together, though, it shouldn't be quite as overwhelming. Remember to ENJOY your visit, and try not to get caught up in the nerves so much!! And yes, ask to take a picture. I didn't get a picture of the two of us together until the morning I was leaving. If I didn't ask, I don't think he would have brought it up. So definitely ask. I have to agree with Caths on the "thank you for giving me life" message. While I understand the intention is good, I woudn't go there for the same reasons Caths mentions.

I would recommend that wherever you choose that you be in a comfortable place for you. If you are staying at a hotel I bet they would provide you with a room in the hotel if you explained the situation. Other option would be a community center. They always have rooms where you can be left alone. If you were worried about awkward moments brink a computer loaded with a slideshow of your life or a bundle of pictures. I met my firstmom 2 years ago and I would highly recommend that you be in private and on comfortable grounds for youGood luck

I can't wait for this reunion to finally take place next month! I appreciate your great advice and will keep you posted. I'm sure I'll have more questions as the date nears...

I just wanted to say good luck! When I met my birth mom I was a nervous wreck and so was she. It made me feel better knowing that she was too. I think a park is a great idea. I met mine at her house. It wasn't as emotional as I thought it would be because it just felt so surreal, like it wasn't me meeting her. I can't even explain it. Just totally unreal. I mean we gave each other a big hug and kiss , but then it was as if it was a good friend who was sitting there. I still can believe I found her! I spent most of the day just looking at her trying to figure out if I look like her or not. You'll find lots to say. You'll probably end up telling her about your life. We did take pictures together. Met with her again recently at a party and took more pictures lol.

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