A long overdue update - very sorry!

I haven't logged in since 2009 - shortly after I posted my laptop crashed and I just wasn't able to keep in touch. Wow I almost started crying when I read what I posted. I was so desperate for help and so sad. Thank you everyone that replied, I wanted to let you all know how things turned out. I decided to keep the baby. I had a beautiful, healthy little girl named Lily Marie on October 26, 2009. She is the absolute light of my life. Her father is still not a part of our lives, but we are doing just fine without him. I learned so many lessons on how the system works and what mothers with unplanned pregnancies really face. There are Medicaid resources available but you have to REALLY push to get them. Squeaky wheel gets the grease so to speak. I finally had enough and started pushing! I was finally able to be seen by a CNM (certified nurse midwife) at 4 months while I was pending Medicaid approval. I also went through a patient advocate (I stumbled upon her information by accident) I never knew such people existed! They are there to help. She was wonderful! A friend's mother let me stay in her basement for 4 months and I was able to get food assistance through the state. It was awful (she wasn't that nice to me) but worth it. Eventually, my mother and I were able to mend our relationship, and she was there for my daughter's birth. I couldn't find any homes here in Colorado that would take me in (I was either too old, or I didn't meet other criteria which I thought was ridiculous - you can't own a vehicle etc.) Lily and I are currently living with my mother. She is the light of my mother's life, and I think she restored my mother's purpose. I have taken my daughter to see my Dad as well, as I feel like she has a right to know her grandfather, but I am not trusting. I would never let him babysit and we always visit in the daytime when he doesn't drink. I am still unemployed because I haven't found a job that pays enough that I won't just be working to pay the daycare. I have good days and bad days, but I am just grateful for this little girl and realize that so many other people are so much worse off. I am still so disgusted with the way I was treated by the local adoption agencies here, the churches and just people in general. I think that Colorado laws regarding adoption are a joke!!! They have a way of making you feel like a baby machine, they want the baby but don't care about what happens to you (stating it is illegal to offer you any kind of financial assistance). This is just from my experience mind you, I know they can't all be this way. For those whom it works out for, I think it's wonderful. My experience was just different. I realize that I got pregnant, and no one owed me anything, it's just that I think the folks who push and push Pro-life need to realize that if they want to discourage women from having abortions, perhaps they need to step up and walk the walk so to speak. Not all women in a crisis pregnancy want to put the baby up for adoption. A discussion for another time. If anything, I have been thinking about trying to start something on my own to help women - since I know firsthand how hard it is. Maybe this all happened to me for a reason. Anyway, I am sorry for rambling. I just wanted to update everyone and for someone like me who might be facing what I was, you can get through it and there is help out there!