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I have a 3 1/2 year old SD I am in the final processed of adopting but I still haven't bonded with her. I've known her all of her life pretty much and been her "mommy" for over 2 1/2 years now but I don't have feelings for her anything close to what I do for my 3 bio sons. I don't know if I should reconsider the adoption or what to do? Has anyone on here experienced this before or have suggestions on how to get past it? Or will it ever happen? Maybe I'm getting cold feet about finalizing the adoption I don't know....
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I was in a similar situation. I never bonded with the infant. I received him when he was 7 months old. Several family members wanted to adopt him and I think I held off bonding so it wouldn't be so bad when he went back. They all fell through and I ended up adopting him. It was hard at first because he was then in that trying stage of 2 1/2 - 3 years old. We just stuck it out and tried all the attachment parenting ideas. Fast forward now a year and a half after adoption and I have a stronger bond with him than I do his brother who I thought I immediately clicked. Now I am doing attachment parenting with him. . .
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The whole ordeal has been one emotional rollercoater after another until December when her bio mom relinquished her rights and we moved forward with the adoption. Until the point her bio mom did that I always kept me emotional distance from her in a way because I didn't want to become attached just to have her crackhead (literally crack head) bio mom come in and out of her life and play mom and me just be on the sidelines watching her destroy that poor kid. It's almost like I can't get past that it's all over and she's not in her life anymore or ever will be again. I'm still feeling disengaged like I was before and I don't know how to psych myself up and move on with the blessing of not having to deal with drama anymore.
I did attachment parenting. Stuff like one on one time in reading a story each day, sharing an icecream cone (or other snack), sitting and rocking with them. If I could take just the one on errands and let them "help" me - grocery shopping, what should we eat tonight?, what fruit should we buy, apple juice or orange. Or carry a letter into the post office. Set a timer (I started at 5 minutes) where I played a game with just that one. It allowed some easy but structured together time that allowed us to bond without distractions. As time went on I saw more personality emerge and I actually looked forward to it. As I said I started with the littlest one but now have to go back and redo it with the older one (maybe I went overboard?! was really successful) I believe its about finding the little, safe and initially short duration thing that you could do together that gets you over the "hump". I am sure you could find many more ideas googling. If I think of more I'll let you know.