Need Advice on Family Meeting

I am SO surprised that you have had a child for 1.5 years and never met their birth family, even in passing! Does that mean you have actively avoided it or DYFS has discouraged it or what? Have you never driven her to, or picked her up from, a visit? We have had contact with our foster son's birth mom since very early on and it has been a very positive experience. I would recommend this to almost anyone. When a birth parent sees over time that their child is well taken care of it can relieve a lot of their stress and open the to the possibility that their child will be okay if they are not reunified. I totally disagree with your friends and family. The mother may have a reaction to seeing her with a white family, but why assume the worst? Can you imagine your own c hild being with a stranger for 1.5 years without even knowing what they look like let alone having talked to them? She may be massively relieved to meet you and see that you care about her and her child and that you are a person with integrity who is clearly caring well for her child. The exception might be if she has filed a lot of complaints against you - Such as complaining to DYFS every visit about something you dressed the child in, what you did/didn't pack, that every scratch on a toddler must be you abusing her, etc - That gives you a sense that maybe things could be difficult. But if that's not the case I would definitely try this. I can't imagine adopting a child whose birth parents I never met - Just picture how grateful you'll be when your daughter asks you about her birth mom that you can recount a real conversation, what she looks like (and what they have in common), what she said, etc.We have met birth mom (we talk to her on the phone, do unsupervised visits periodically which we had to fight for, etc), we have met both birth dads (at court and at a DYFs visit respectively) and we have no regrets.

Thanks for your reply thankfulone. Yes, its hard to believe, but they never wanted me to meet her. Her first CW even had me drop her off at the office a few times and scheduled it so our paths would not cross. She was afraid they would see me. The BM has also complained quite a few times about small things such as that I don't dress her right, don't do her hair right, she doesn't wear certain clothes, no shoes, etc.. She even sent a letter through her attorney and I had to respond in writing to her concerns. Most of which were either not true or could be explained. I would like to be able to tell her about her mom, but I'm just not sure this whole meeting is going to go well. I guess it all depends on their attitude. Who knows? When the CW asks them, they might not want to meet me.

A mediation? We did a mediation which was a month before TPR trial and they relinquished their rights to us. We are not the same race, it never came up. But we also have a relationship with them.I think you should try it. If it doesn't work you still go to TPR trial anyway.