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Has anyone been adopted through foster care, and for your own safety your adoptive parents kept you from your biological ties? Is it something you accept? Are you resentful?
My husband and I want to adopt the 2 youngest children from a sibling group of 8. They have different fathers and no family has stepped up to adopt the babies - let alone care for them temporarily - because the parents are substance abusers, criminals, disruptive and violent. Worst of all, it appears that they love the drama of it all and have no problem trying to intimidate people with their lawlessness.
Although the two babies have not had a relationship with their older siblings, I would like to maintain some kind of contact for them in the future. The problem is the other caretakers and children all have contact with the bio mom still. If the birth parents end up causing havoc in our lives, I feel my children's immediate safety is most important and I would sever all biological ties.
Has anyone ever been, or known someone of, a similar situation? What do you recommend we do? I know it's a long way down the road, but I would love to hear different perspectives on how this may affect our future children.
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My sister had to cut ties with her daughter's two biological brothers (same mother, different fathers) when she adopted her at age 3. The younger was an infant who was born into foster care and who my niece had only met a few times. However, the older brother was 13 and had practically raised her for the first 17 months of her life before they entered care. These two were very attached, so it was a heartbreaking decision, but my sister felt she had to make it because both brothers were reunifying with bio-mom and she didn't want her daughter having contact with her.My niece is now 15 years old and is the most well-adjusted, self-confident, happiest and nicest teenager that I have ever met, so it doesn't appear to have had any long-term effects on her. Since she was so young and had only seen her older brother infrequently at visits for the 1 1/2 years prior to the adoption, I think it was easier on her because much of her attachment to him had already been forgotten. I feel very sorry for her brother, however. He was old enough that he will never forget and it must be hard on him wondering what happened to his sister.I really see no problem with not having contact with their older siblings, especially since they don't already have a relationship. I would put your children's safety ahead of concerns over contact with the siblings. Personally, if it were me, I would not even start contact with the siblings if I was concerned about the birth parents causing havoc later on. It will be much harder on your children (and the siblings) to discontinue contact once a relationship is formed then to never have it in the first place.
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