Why are you adopting?

I'll add my info here since we're starting our journey! DH and I had our 1st DD biologically but she passed away just short of 8 months of age due to Spinal Muscular Atrophy. DH and I are carriers (we found out after she was diagnosed of course) and there's a 25% chance we'd have another child with SMA (95% fatal by age 2). No way did we want to go through that again. We adopted our now almost-4-year-old daughter via private adoption. It's completely open and wonderful. But to be honest, we hadn't even started the adoption process yet when we got the call (friend of the family situation). Now we're looking to expand the family one more time. And I have no idea why but I keep dreaming of having a little one from Korea. We are just talking now, probably won't start the process for a few months yet.

DH and I have always talked about adoption. We've toyed with the idea of biological children but never have gotten serious about it. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with an eye condition I'm treated for (no, it shouldn't affect our ability to adopt). The treatments involve a drug that can be dangerous to fetal development. So we figured God had decided it for us. We wouldn't have kids. And then I turned 30 a few months ago. The biological clock started ticking, we started having some very serious discussions about where our lives were going, and we decided we do want children. There are so many wonderful kids in the world that need homes, we both have nieces and nephews, so adoption seemed the natural option to gravitate toward. We've only recently made the decision to seriously pursue it. As for Korea, we've tended to gravitate toward the Asian countries in interest. We took a strong look at China, but the home study agency we want to use isn't Hague accredited. Since we didn't plan to start our home study until late this summer, we can't use that agency unless we go with a non-Hague country. So...we picked Korea. It was always going to be Korea or China, but now we've settled on Korea.

Infertility did play a part in it for us. We started ttc 6 months into our marriage, and lost a son at 23w due to a chromosomal abnormality. We found out 2 weeks later I was a carrier.We had talked about adoption previously. It had been in our minds, but honestly experiencing pregnancy and getting "so close" made us want to experience a "happy" pregnancy all the more. Furthermore my father and grandfather were also found to be carriers, and they had 3 and 4 healthy bio children respectively, so the drs didn't think it'd be that difficult for us.So next we tried IVF with PGD (Pre implantation genetic diagnosis) to try to find healthy embryos to transfer. They did find one, transferred and I got pg, but m/c early. No one knows why.So I filled out a pre-application for adoption and set it on my desk. I was going to wait to send it in until my period arrived again, just in case I was pg again.I was. Only this time I lost a dd @ 13w. (3rd loss)Again being pg and getting "so close" renewed that desire, so we tried IVF PGD again. 2 more failed cycles (nothing to transfer) and we decided to go to adoption.My dh's life long best friend was adopted. I have had several friends who were adopted, and I have 2 cousins who were adopted.Honestly choosing adoption was never a difficult choice. The difficult part was realizing we'd possibly never have a bio child together. IDK why but that really gutted me. I guess it's such a natural expectation... to me it was at least.Anyway, 1 month after our last failed IVF in 2006 we started the adoption process for our DS from Guatemala. We were told there may be some hiccups (in-country problems, threatening shutdown), so get our paperwork in as fast as possible. It was all complete in 6 weeks. We chose DS off the "Waiting Children" list the same day we became paper ready when he was 3.5 months old, and were told he could be home by his 1st birthday (6-9 months was average at that time).Sadly from the beginning we hit roadblock after roadblock. It was very difficult. We didn't know for certain if he'd ever make it home. It was devastating. So in the meantime we decided to ttc again, hoping we'd increase our chances of having just 1 child. We'd been trying to have a family for nearly 3 years by this time, and most of our friends were done having children because we had gotten married a bit older than them. I was desperate.So I got pg again and it ended within days (4th loss). I was a wreck.Around this time we found a 3yo little girl legally available to be adopted from foster care. The neat thing was she was a carrier of the same chromosomal disorder I have (it causes no illness in the carrier, just often causes m/c). I thought it might be "meant to be" and we applied to adopt her. Later we found out that about 30 families had also applied and we were sadly not chosen.By this time I figured we were going to be childless. TTC wasn't working, adoption wasn't working. What's the use?Finally, finally, finally the adoption got to a point where we could at least visit him. We couldn't take him home yet, but we were allowed to visit. So we went and fell in love with our little guy. He was now 10.5 months old. What should have taken weeks had taken 7 months. And the day we met our DS I also found out I was pg for the 5th time. But I wasn't happy about it. I was scared and I was angry. I figured it would end up being another loss, and a distraction from the DS we were so excited to bring home. At worst it'd be loss x 2 with both the adoption and the pg failing. I told dh if they both failed I never wanted to try again. It was too hard. I thought counting the Guatemalan adoption and the current pg it was 7 different children we had tried to bring into our family. It was too much. If it didn't work I didn't want to go thru it again.But somehow both the adoption and the pg continued. Finally in Feb 08 our bio DS was born. 7 weeks later, April 15, 2008, his big brother came home from Guatemala at 20 months old. Sometimes I still can't believe it! lolI told dh I'd love to have another bio and adopt again. Since we couldn't adopt so soon after the boys arrived we kept ttc. We lost 4 more from 4.5 - 12w. By then enough time had passed that we were able to start another adoption. I had been interested in adopting from Korea for a long time for a variety of reasons (one of my childhood friends had been adopted from Korea, dh is a black belt in Korean martial arts, Tae Kwon Do, which has brought some other Korean culture into our family, there is a large Korean business moving into our area, we wanted to adopt a non-caucasian so DS wouldn't be the only non caucasian in the family). Dh readily agreed. A little over a year later we have a dd from Korea!I still think about ttc from time to time. Honestly I've had 2 more early losses (making 10 total). We've been trying to add children to our family by ttc, IVF or adoption nearly every month for 7 years. Although I'd like to have another successful pg it's probably not going to happen. The odds seem way too slim. It's ok. I'm absolutely thrilled with my kids.Lori - I'm so sorry for the loss of your dd. I didn't know if you're aware, but IVF with PGD can also screen for embryos with SMA if you are ever interested in going down that road. [url=http://www.reproductivegenetics.com/pgd_cost.html]PGD Cost[/url] Just in case you were interested in attempting in the future. Otherwise disregard.

LJR - I have been told that. However, one of the first families we met (online) when we got the SMA diagnosis was a family who lost a child, used PGD, and still had another child with SMA. It just went wrong. And we're just too scared to try that route... It could be a 1 in a million shot for the error to happen, but if that were us... sigh... Can't imagine.

I haven't ever really seriously considered having biological children. I have always wanted to adopt, and that desire has only intensified over the years. I feel as if it's just a desire that God has placed on my heart since I was young. Fortunately for me, God has also provided me with a like-minded husband. So adoption it is!

Most of the people I know that adopt from Korea have other kids, so most of the people I know don't do it for infertility reasons. Each person has their own reason for adopting and adopting from a particular country. We choose to adopt because we wanted another child. We choose Korea because they had foster parents, rather than orphanages. Another plus was that we could get our child before they turned 6 months old. I know that this isn't the case with Korean adoptions anymore, but when we adopted we got the referral at a month and our baby at 4 months. :-)

When I was 12 and again when I was 16, my aunt and uncle adopted three children (one the first time and two the second time) from Russia. It was a really humbling experience to watch those kids grow in their new life with loving parents. It was one of the most impacting (impactful?) experiences of my childhood. I think from then on I always knew I would adopt someday. We got married pretty young (21) and consciously chose to not use birth control. Never conceived so adoption is kind of the natural next step. We decided very early on that we were not going to pour tons of money into infertility treatment and testing that may or may not reveal answers, we'd put it into an adoption instead. Now we are finally at a place to start the process. Initially we thought we'd be going domestic because my husband hates to travel, but now I am leaning toward international because it looks like chances are much better that we will get a referral (vs. domestic where you have to wait indefinitely for a birthmom to pick you). Also, we are not comfortable with anything other than a closed adoption, and it seems like open adoption is all the rage nowadays. So it looks like we will be going international. I'm leaning toward South Korea or Thailand at this point but who knows. We're waiting for info packets from several agencies and hopefully that will help us make our decision, and quickly.

Oh - my reasons for considering Korea are that they require one short trip, you can get children younger than 18 months, and the costs are on the lower side compared to other countries.

I'm a single woman who adopted from China when I was 51. My reason, like what ultimately drives most people, is that I wanted to be a Mom, and felt that I had the ability to meet the needs of a reasonably healthy infant or toddler. In my case, I was too old, not to mention no longer in possession of my uterus, to have a bio child. I also would not have been comfortable carrying a pregnancy as a single (long divorced). But the specifics don't really matter. Ultimately, what should matter is the desire to parent and a realistic assessment that you can do so -- medically, financially, etc. If you have three children, but still have the desire to parent, the money to pay the bills, and a good sense of humor, I would encourage you to proceed. As to your choice of country, well, it's not just about you. It's about what a sovereign nation believes is in the best interest of the child. Korea is a sovereign nation, and believes that a two parent home, with parents young enough to have a biological child, is the best option for a child. As a result, I was not eligible to adopt from Korea. (And I must say it's a pity, given that I have just come from dinner at the home of a family with a lovely Chinese daughter and a strikingly handsome South Korean son, who came home as a baby, is now as tall as his Mom, is a good student and a a good athlete, and has great sensitivity. He would have become a great younger brother for my wonderful daughter.) Certainly, you can look for a country whose criteria you meet, and if that country permits international adoption of children you feel equipped to parent (age, health status, etc.), you have found a possible match. And if you find yourself drawn to that country's culture, and find yourself looking at pictures of children from a certain country and saying, "That could be my daughter!" or "That could be my son!", it's probably a perfect match. Sharon

Ditto. DH and I both have adopted family members - his sister and two of my cousins, and we both have believed for decades that this is the road God meant for us to walk. I have always known I would adopt and my mom has memories of me talking about it since my early childhood years. We are also taking measures to NOT get pregnant. Why Korea? DH dreamt himself and his son playing pokeno (our family plays pokeno a lot...lol). In the dream his son was asian. Since half of my family is Asian we applied to all of the asian countries requesting a boy. The Korea program got back to us first. God is good! My boy is both healthy and gorgeous!!! :clap:

We are also working on adopting a little "asian" girl :) I was born and raised in Taiwan (as a missionary kid), so we really wanted to adopt a child from Taiwan. My sister is also adopting a little girl from Taiwan. My sister and I feel as if we are mostly Taiwanese anyway, so we definitely look forward to sharing her culture with her :) A few more months to go before we get to bring her home!!!