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My birth son finally contacted me in 2007. Since then it's been pure agony. He thinks I owe him. What happened is I found out that his adopted Grandfather was pretty much in charge at the DSS and was involved in the adoption. They also told him he was abused and neglected which is not true. He says it's in the adoption papers. Do I have any rights to see the adoption papers since we've already met? Thanks in advance.
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Cherie, I'm sorry to hear that your son is accusing you of abusing and/or neglecting him. Did you relinquish your rights when he was a newborn, or did you try to raise him for a while before signing the papers? People so often automatically assume that if a baby is relinquished through DSS or DHS, then he must have been abused. But that simply isn't true, depending on what part of the country you live in. It used to be extremely common for girls and women to surrender their newborns through DSS. I know that San Diego County's DSS handled many, many newborn adoptions back in the 1960's and 1970's---according to their website, they still operate as a full-fledged adoption agency for voluntary placements.
Sadly, I don't think you have any legal rights at all when it comes to your son, including the right to view his adoption file. If he's accusing you of child abuse, he should at least back up his accusation...but he probably won't. It's interesting that his adoptive grandfather was the head person at DSS at the time of placement. That is so unethical on many levels...
I tried my best, I was 19 years old and had 2 babies under 14 months old and my Husband walked out. Originally the plan was to put him up for adoption as a newborn but then I just couldn't. I kept him until he was 7 1/2 months old. It's funny how the people who were to get a newborn were the son and daughter-in-law of the man who basically ran the place. It's the adoptive Mother telling my birth son this stuff. She was enraged when she found out I was looking for him. It upsets me so much that they painted this pretty picture of me giving a child to someone who couldn't have one, but she did have a daughter, she just didn't want to carry another one. So she almost gets a newborn thanks to daddy-in-law. I've even shown him pictures and you can see he was in no way abused or neglected.
(((((Cherie)))))
It must have been so difficult to be only 19 years old and raising two infants/toddlers under the age of 14 months...especially after your husband walked out on his family responsibilities. I think that would overwhelm any average 19-year-old.
I'm not sure how you're going to be able to convince your son that you did not abuse or neglect him, especially since his adoptive mother is telling him that you did. If it's any consolation, I think that these types of lies happen way too frequently. Your only recourse, in my own opinion, is to be the very best mother you can be to him in the coming years. Be loving, supportive, receptive, and consistent with him...keep the door to your heart open for him. This abuse allegation will probably fade away after he gets to know you better and develops a solid relationship with you.
I think birth/first moms get blamed if we do and blamed if we don't in just about every area concerning our relinquished kids. My son was abused by his adoptive parents when he was a child...and he blames me for it, not them. It's funny how they skated off scot-free on that account...
After spending the morning on the phone I found the woman I was corresponding with at the mutual consent registry in Baltimore. I explained what was going on and while she said I had no rights to see my own adoption records, she said she could call the DSS and see if there was any mention of abuse in the papers and then call my birth son and tell him herself. I guess that's something. A relationship with him seems like a lost cause though. He contacted me 4 years ago and has done nothing but ask me for money. Even when I got cancer the year after he contacted me he kept asking and he called me names I can't even post on here including "cancer ridden w****", whenever I couldn't send it. It seems to me he's just a spoiled man who has never been told no. My therapist thinks I just need to move on as contact with him is not conducive to my health, I will prove to him there was no abuse and then move on.
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CherieInMD
After spending the morning on the phone I found the woman I was corresponding with at the mutual consent registry in Baltimore. I explained what was going on and while she said I had no rights to see my own adoption records, she said she could call the DSS and see if there was any mention of abuse in the papers and then call my birth son and tell him herself. I guess that's something. A relationship with him seems like a lost cause though. He contacted me 4 years ago and has done nothing but ask me for money. Even when I got cancer the year after he contacted me he kept asking and he called me names I can't even post on here including "cancer ridden w****", whenever I couldn't send it. It seems to me he's just a spoiled man who has never been told no. My therapist thinks I just need to move on as contact with him is not conducive to my health, I will prove to him there was no abuse and then move on.