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At age 42, I am finally searching for my BMom...wanted to so many times, but didn't want to hurt my adoptive parents - even though we are not super close. I had a baby girl last year, and since she was born, I knew I had to search...for any information I can find regarding health & heritage - in addition to the fact that I do know my BMom has blue eyes - mine are brown and her Dad's are green. My baby Grace has blues, and it's so hard looking into them every day knowing they could my BMom's. I sent a letter and paperwork to LSS last week, and now I wait in line to hear something/anything. I am scared and excited. Anyone have any stories or advise? Kris
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I sent a Holiday Card, with pictures, to CW to send to BMom. I was hoping that if she saw me and my daughter, it would help give her peach and it might light a fire to write her letter. Unfortunately, CW called first to ask if okay to send, and BMom's long-time husband (she married him 1 year after surrendering me) asked who it was. When she said, he hung up on her. Pretty clear signal...I will go no further - will wait, and hopefull her heart will change in the future. This chapter is closed...for now. Kris
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Thank you, moonbeam - really appreciate the support! I am doing everything I can to not get excited or think about it too much. My CW said, even though it could be a good sign...BMom might just keep the card and info for awhile (a week, month, year(s)). There really is not telling when/if she will be ready for any contact - and I need to be prepared, with patience. In the meantime, I re-read "The Girls Who Went Away". It really helped me to stop focusing on myself and remind myself what a horrifying time in her life it was (CW previously told me BMom shared that she was "sent away" and when giving birth she was all alone, scared, and cried the whole time). I have really tried to work on keeping an open heart to any and all outcomes, but we all know that is hard, when you are the one searching. Time will tell what is meant to be.
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I'm holding out hope for you. From what you've written, it is obvious that your b-mother is struggling with many conflicting emotions.
It just seems like she really wants to connect with you. I hope that she will be able to surmount what's holding her back, so the two of you can know one another.
The waiting is awful; isn't it?
May I recommend that you send a book to your first mother? She willl be having a very difficult time dealing with her emotions. There are significant studies and evidence to show pretty conclusively that she is suffering from post traumatic stress disorder.
[url]https://www.adoptionhealing.com/Moms/[/url]
and I would recommend getting a copy of [url]https://www.adoptionhealing.com/Adoptees/[/url] for yourself.
The author is a truly enlightened soul - an adoptee and psychologist who has worked with thousands of children lost to adoption and understands the mothers who lost them.
Please check out his website at
[url=http://www.adoptionhealing.com/]Adoption Healing[/url]
I am impressed with the level of patience you've shown! You will be ok no matter what.
Hello!
Still no news or contact...but finally feeling like I can get back into reading, researching, and healing. My heart has been really hurting...with B-Day and Mother's Day in May - and no word from BMom - plus the pain of realizing there may never be a letter, phone call, or any contact. I have been to this website so many times, but had not desire to communicate to threads - even this one. However, am ready to dust myself off and move on.
L4R - Thank you for your message, and your hope. I loose sight of that some days, and yours really helped. Yes - the waiting is so very hard!!!
VancouvarShar - Your resources are appreciated, and I will look into them and take advantage of them. Thank you!
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Ready4BMom
Hello!
Still no news or contact...but finally feeling like I can get back into reading, researching, and healing. My heart has been really hurting...with B-Day and Mother's Day in May - and no word from BMom - plus the pain of realizing there may never be a letter, phone call, or any contact. I have been to this website so many times, but had not desire to communicate to threads - even this one. However, am ready to dust myself off and move on.
L4R - Thank you for your message, and your hope. I loose sight of that some days, and yours really helped. Yes - the waiting is so very hard!!!
VancouvarShar - Your resources are appreciated, and I will look into them and take advantage of them. Thank you!
Your message felt like a hand on my shoulder L@@king2, Thank You!!! Have to say, it was even more meaningful because of the similarities I saw with us and our searches: we both searched and located BMother/BDaughter, but the desire to communicate was not reciprocated, your daughter's Birthday is in May and so is mine (along with Mother's Day of course), and you are very close to my BMom's age and you both had to relinquish in the same era. It just made the support extra special!
Also, want to let you know that over the last few days, I read through the post you "bumped up", "Adoptees who don't want to be found". It was sooooo therapeutic for me (as it sounds like it has been for so many others who found it, recently). I appreciate you sharing it with us, six years later (funny, you cannot tell it was so long ago, huh?). You are an angel!!! :wings: I truly hope your BDaughter will be fortunate enough to learn what an amazing, special women her Birth Mother is!!!
Ready4BMom
Your message felt like a hand on my shoulder L@@king2, Thank You!!! Have to say, it was even more meaningful because of the similarities I saw with us and our searches: we both searched and located BMother/BDaughter, but the desire to communicate was not reciprocated, your daughter's Birthday is in May and so is mine (along with Mother's Day of course), and you are very close to my BMom's age and you both had to relinquish in the same era. It just made the support extra special!
Also, want to let you know that over the last few days, I read through the post you "bumped up", "Adoptees who don't want to be found". It was sooooo therapeutic for me (as it sounds like it has been for so many others who found it, recently). I appreciate you sharing it with us, six years later (funny, you cannot tell it was so long ago, huh?). You are an angel!!! :wings: I truly hope your BDaughter will be fortunate enough to learn what an amazing, special women her Birth Mother is!!!
Update: No word from BMom. The last was her asking for my Christmas card and contact information last year....it was hard thinking of her this year and knowing she is not contacting me - probably due to her pain. The thing that hurts and tears me up is that I am pain to the person who created me, with another. That is so hard - especially because my now almost 3 year old daughter (next week) is "my life" and brings me incredible joy.
I feel like an old sock that's been discarded...ouch!
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I am so very sorry about your Brother's passing. I have never been very close with my ABro (only ASibling), and knowing that I have a Birth 1/2 Brother - who grew up not knowing about me (and probably still doesn't), is hard. I would absolutely love to learn about him and have the chance to know him. While it is so difficult to not have communication from BMom, it is also hard knowing she holds the cards to any potential contact with Birth Brother and BFather. I have to assume I will never be allowed that information. Thanks for your message!