Crud

After all the brouhaha: pfffffffffffffffffffft I called M about 3 weeks ago and extended the general invitation to join us to celebrate J's graduation at a date that I wouldn't be able to determine until J's job/grad school plan became more clear. She seemed happy to hear from me and for the invitation and it was a nice conversation. It felt like it was a good one, kwim? Not perfect, but good. The kids immediately posted ecstatic rejoicing on J's page. 2 weeks ago, she called my cell phone back and we had a slightly more awkward call. I happened to be in a hospital bed, down (once again) with a massive strep infection. I sounded groggy and she asked if I was sleeping and I said no, but she clearly thought she had just woken me up from a nap. She quickly said she'd talked to her husband and due to his schedule, they could only do weekends or anytime in August. She got off saying she'd let me get back to sleep, which I wasn't, but didn't want to open up the whole "actually, I'm in the hospital" thing. This past weekend was J's graduation (wonderful wonderful whirlwind 2.5 days back "home" in SD and OC) and I finally nailed him down about dates. He starts his summer internship on June 15, has a trip to SF with friends planned for the few days before that, his best friend is flying in for Memorial Day weekend, and he has plans for the last bit of August after his internship ends. That left ONE stretch of time- June 1-8. The weekend in there is the 4-5. We are already booked to be in Philly that weekend with friends. Great, I figure, Phil. is 2 hours closer to them than we are, so meeting us there will be easier for them and having it be in just 2 wks makes it closer to the actual event so it will be fresh, and also just a couple days before his birthday, so double bonus! And, since we'll have other friends there, J can just go off and spend the weekend with them having fun sightseeing in Phil while the rest of us do our own thing until we need to head back home. So, I sent M and her DH an email yesterday telling them the good news that they can cut 2 hours off their drive by coming to Philly and it will be soon after the graduation and very close to his bday, and that since it was the only time in the known future that J can make it, he is already booked to come so we hope they can make it. M had said "any weekend," so I hoped it would be as perfect as I thought. This morning, heard from the husband. He says they CAN'T because of his academic workload. He has a big project/test due soon after that and has to study, and M can't drive that far by herself, so he hopes there is another time that works. There isn't (refer to the schedule given to me by J). Crud. The good news is that J will be here Jun 1-8. :) The bad news is M and the kids are probably crushed and I feel terrible about it. But I have no control over their schedule or J's. J had only one weekend to give. M's husband says it doesn't work for him, and since he can't drive, none of them can come. I hate that I'm feeling bad. I was, and am, willing to give either of them ANY weekend, so why the guilt? Because I think I crushed M with the invitation that ultimately is not happening. And I extended it because J asked me to because he thought coming from me would make things better between the families than coming from him. (OR, he's avoiding having to talk to M since he hasn't in months...big dork) And I'm helpless to do fix anything because it's not mine to fix, it's J's and theirs to fix! Why am I still the middle man here? Someone slap me, please! If I had to guess, I'm thinking M is probably just as frustrated because it's not her schedule either, it's J's and her DH's that aren't compatible, and she's the one left out. What is that saying about the best laid plans? All this consternation and conversation so that nothing can happen. :grr: