4 to 10 in 5.5 months- A snip of our story!

Our birth children were 10 and 12 when my hubby and I decided that we wanted to expand our family. You see, we can have biological children, we CHOSE adoption because there are SO MANY children just waiting. We knew that we weren't perfect parents. We did our research and knew not to expect perfect children either. We waited until our birth children were older so that they would have an understanding of why their new sibling may behave differently then other children from traditional homes. We knew we weren't saving a child. We weren't expecting gratitude. We just wanted to be parents to a larger family. Blood didn't matter. Classes were at the end of Sept and we were licensed by the following Jan. for a foster/adopt sibling group, under the age of 10, with no sever needs. (RAD possibly depending on behaviors. No Fetal Alcohol) Other needs would be determined on a case by case basis. Statistics show that we should be expecting 7-10yr old boys and bi-racial. We were matched with a 18m, 3 and 4 yr old Caucasian toddlers. 2 boys/1 girl all with global developmental delays. Of course it couldn't be that easy and we ended up in a legal situation with an extended relative and the children didn't get to move home until July of that year. Within a month I just knew that the children had FASD. You see we did the research. We had the knowledge and it was apparent. WE DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS!!! The children's workers were great and they weren't trying to hide anything they just were either lacking education on it or didn't spend enough time with the children to see it themselves. We requested testing and starting educating ourselves. You see they were already our children. They were ours the moment they walked through my front door. They needed someone to advocate for them, to understand and interpret their needs and I needed someone to care for. We weren't going down without a fight. We got educated and we rolled with the punches. Three years ago it seemed like a tragedy. Today it just is what it is. The 4yr old is on the autism spectrum PDD-NOS and has FASD, the 3 yr old Reactive Attachment Disorder, ADHD and FASD, the 18m old has Reactive Attachment and FASD. (keep in mind they are 7,6 and 5 now) Sure there are difficult days but the good currently far outweighs the bad. There was a time that I wasn't able to say that!! We are constantly kept on our toes. But today there are more smiles then there is frustration. 5 1/2 short months after we were placed with our above three we received an emergency call about our (soon to be) adoptive children's biological cousins. We knew that they were in care and we were a potential adoptive placement IF it came to that. The children were 11m, 3 and 7yr old. The baby had just been attacked by the foster parents dog and they needed to removed that day. *3 yr old was bitten 3 days prior in the face by same dog* No one else would take them because the eldest 2 had RAD and the baby had over 28 stitches in her face and puncture wounds from the mornings attack. That call came at 830 am and the children were in my living room by 2:00 that afternoon. We knew little to nothing about the children but they were family. That is all that mattered. We knew that they could possibly still RU with bio's but figured that we, at minimum, could show the eldest what a real family was like. Show her that her cousins were in a good home and were being taken care of. (she parented her cousins sometimes) After 6 months the bio's were TPR'd on and their case moved to adoption. The oldest two children already had dx and were being tested for FASD but we had concerns about the baby. You see I always had the belief that if you got the children early enough you could prevent and even "reprogram" What I have learned is that my baby is the hardest child that I will ever raise. She was removed at 3m but ultimately she didn't cope well with those 3m or the next 1yr that she was in care. She carries a dx of RAD (hers is actually the under 3 name which evades my brain at the moment something like maltreatment...) and PTSD and Probable FASD. She needs no one. The child at 11m took care of herself. She is defiant and willful. She does what she wants when she wants it. She can't regulate herself. So you see babies can have just as many issues, if not more , then older children. I have learned so much about trauma in the very young. We always joke about her being lucky that she is cute. She is 3 going on 15. I am tired! From the moment I wake until the moment my head hits the pillow I bust my butt to make a home for our family. We finalized the first set 2 yrs after placement and 10 months later the last three. It seemed like the wait to finalize was forever since we were placed so quickly. We are thrilled with our semi-chaotic life. Our children are the reason we wake every morning, laugh, cry and sometimes feel the need to bang our heads against the wall. Whether my children came from my womb or from the "system" is irrelevant. As a parent all I can do is give them the encouragement to make good choices and the strength to fight their demons. The roller coaster of adoption is second to the ride of being a parent. Educate yourself. Learn to "go with the flow". Learn to advocate for your child. Learn that it is ok to not feel sunshine and happiness all the time towards your children. Be the best you can be. Most importantly learn to let go of the things you can not change. I hope that your journey, like mine, is a successful one. Only you can define the term "successful" Most would describe my journey as crazy!!!