Advertisements
My hubby's sister and her family were in town visiting this week. My SIL loves Native American Art so I took her to our Native American Museum. They have an exhibit there called Red/Black. It is about how Native Americans and African Americans have intermingled through American history and have influenced each others' culture. I gave W a few CheeriOs in his stroller to keep him occupied while we looked at this exhibit. W dropped 3 Os on the floor and this security guard comes over and starts berating me. She said, "You need to take those away from him. There are signs CLEARLY stating that no food or drinks are allowed in the museum. EVERYONE KNOWS that you do now bring food or drink into the museum anyway. I apologized and picked up the 3 Os that he had dropped. I put the rest of the Os in the diaper bag under the stroller so that W could not get to them. The guard assigned a cleaning lady to follow me throughout the rest of the exhibit. The cleaning lady was black. She put her hand on my shoulder and said, "I am so sorry for this." My neice's boyfriend who is also black was there too. I asked him, "Am I crazy or is the guard a flaming racist?" He said, "She would have never spoken to you like that or assigned someone to follow us if W was white." I should have spoken to the head of security but I was so enraged that I was trembling so we left the museum. I knew I could not conduct myself with any kind of grace in that moment so I just left. I feel bad now though because I was confronted with racism and I ran. I feel like I didn't stand up for W and I should have. I am still mad as a wet hen at the guard and at myself. Hubby is going to call the director of the museum today. He is much more diplomatic and politically correct than I am. I'll let y'all know how it turns out.
Like
Share
You are more than likely right in how you felt. If I read correctly, in addition your Black nephew in-law to be was present?
Gwen72
I'm trying to think of examples of things that aren't inherently racist but can be used by racists to put other people down. It's like if someone refers to a black man as "boy". The word "boy" is not racist or derogatory in and of itself. However, when it is used in a certain context and with a certain tone it is racist. In that instance, it is not what is said, it is the context and how it's said that makes it racist. Also, if a black person goes shopping in a high end clothing store and security follows them, is that racism or is the security guard just being a jerk? My black friends who have had this happen to them say that it is racism and I believe them. Even if the security guard never says a word, they can tell by the body language and the energy that guard is putting out that they are being racist. At first I was unsure if the guard in my case was being a jerk or if there was something more sinister going on. I have been treated rudely and unprofessionaly in the past but this just felt different. That is why I asked my 22 year old, black, soon to be nephew in law if I was crazy or was the guard a racist. What tipped the scales toward racism for him was the guard's tone of voice, demeanor, and the fact that she had us followed. Racism is not confined to some idiot wearing a white sheet and spouting the N word. Racism in this day and age is very subtle and hard to prove but you still know it when it happens to you.
Advertisements
Nickchris- you are correct, my Black nephew in law to be was with us. I thought the guard was just being a jerk until the Black cleaning lady assigned to follow me put her hand on my shoulder and told me how sorry she was that this was happening to us. That made me consider that something more sinister was going on. That's when I asked my nephew to be if this was racism or not. He felt it too. I am white. I have always had the priveledge of just assuming that someone being rude to me was just a jerk. This was my first personal experience with someone being racist against me and my family but being so subtle about it that I didn't recognize it at first.
Gwen72
Racism in this day and age is very subtle and hard to prove but you still know it when it happens to you.
Gwen72
Racism in this day and age is very subtle and hard to prove but you still know it when it happens to you.
Gwen72
I think you are right on this one. If the security guard had just stopped at you can't bring food in here you could have just written if off as a loud mouth jerk. The fact that she had a cleaning lady follow you takes it to another level. The guard wouldn't have gotten loud like that with someone CC with CC kids and then she wouldn't have had them followed by a cleaning lady either. The fact that the cleaning lady apologized sealed it.
I'm with FE... I'm black and dealt with my share of racism but the kind that interracial families elicit is over the top. It's weird how quickly they lose their minds and don't even try to hide it.
Advertisements
Hubby finally reached the director of the museum today. The director had been out of town and apologized for taking so long to get back to him. Hubby explained what happened and admitted that I was in the wrong for giving W the O's but that the guard's response was inappropriate and unprofessional. Hubby said that he did not believe the guard's would have treated Payton Manning and his children or one of the race car drivers in town for the Indy 500 last week and their children like that. He suggested that the guards needed some sensitivity training. The director said that there was a staff meeting later today and he would talk to them about not berating and humiliating the patrons and not having them followed. He also said he was sending us free tickets to the museum.
Well, see, I'm gonna be honest, I'm not sure it was racism...or even insensitivity. There are reasons for not having food in museums---around rare objects subject to mold and contamination. "Minor" infractions have lead to damage. If you were charged with protecting rare objects---some of which are worth millions or even more importantly are part of the heritage of any entire people, and every other patron figured the rules didn't apply to them because it was only a little thing, and there was really a valid reason for them to be breaking the rules---just how much patience would you have left?
Also, yes, security guards at museums will yell at white families too. My then 8 year old nephew got "too close" to a Rembrant--he was looking at the brush strokes as we were studying painting techinques at the time. "Too close" was futher back than nearby adults. You'd have thought he attacked the painting with knife the guards descended on us so loudly and quickly. They were yelling from across the room about not "touching" the painting. He was no where near touching, but still they panicked.
Lady - I think the added issue here though is Gwen was FOLLOWED after being yelled at.
Fine, a lot of guards yell at everyone. But to be FOLLOWED? I have 4 kids so obviously over the years they've done stuff in public and we've been reprimanded for certain things by "authority". It's almost inevitable as a parent I think.
But...I've NEVER been followed. Looks, sure and maybe a check in glance that guards love to do but actual following assigned? No. And really, if you are a guard protecting the millions, who are you going to follow? The mom pushing a kid contained in a stroller or the mom with 4 kids who while well behaved, are curious and like to get close up at times?
I don't know, but I think the following her around is what tips the scales here in addition to how she felt. And really, that's the important thing I think. If we feel something isn't right then we need to step up and advocate for our kids. (I say our because it's universal to parenting not comparing or saying I know what being a TRA is like)
I have to say, the incident sounds racist. I've never been followed in any store, museum or anything but my AA friends often are. It is definitely the "feel" -- my son is AA (hubby & I are both CC). No one has ever said anything overtly negatively racist but once when he bumped into a woman because he wasn't watching where he was going, the woman (who is CC) gave him this look of utter revulsion and I was stunned. We live in an area where a LOT of families are like ours and I just didn't expect that.
We do get the "positive racism" (AAs are good at...) -- our son is a natural athlete so I ascribe most comments to the person being truly complimentary to him. We also get a lot of questions about his birth country - we adopted him from foster care here in Philly, but he is very dark skinned, so a lot of people ask if he is Haitian. For local people, I play a little joke at their expense. They ask "where is your son from?" and I say "Germantown" which is a section of Philly about 5 minutes from my neighborhood.:p
Advertisements
Lady- I know why you may not be able to see the racism. If you are not black or have black family and have never experienced subtle racism like that it is hard for you to see it. The phenomenon is called white privilege. Why do you think the black cleaning lady was apologizing to me for having to follow me? My black soon to be nephew was there and experienced the episode. He felt it was motivated by racism. Do you discount his experience? There have been several posters to this thread that are black or have black family and they have experienced similar episodes. They have said they can see the racism. Do you discount their "been there, felt that" point of view. It kills me when I see black friends or parents of black children relate a story about an ugly experience and white people tell them that they did not experience what they did. I know they are probably good people who just cannot wrap their minds around racism still going on in our post Obama world, but it still kills me. As far as the insensitivity goes, if the guard had come up to me and quietly asked me to put the Os away I would have done so and not said a word. She did not have to yell. She did not have to berate me and humiliate me in front of my child, my family and other patrons. She did not have to make a spectacle. She did not need to assign a cleaning lady to follow me. She could have treated me with dignity. She was very rude, she was very insensitive and she was very unprofessional. I am a 911 paramedic. I am not charged with protecting objects worth millions. I am charged with saving lives that are priceless. If one of my team makes a mistake during a rescue I try to wait until I get the patient in the ambulance and fix the problem out of view of anyone else. When the run is over I take that team member aside and say, "The next time we are on a similar run I need you to do it like this instead of like that." I do not yell, I do not berate, I do not humiliate anyone. I treat my patient, their family, and my coworkers with dignity because I am a true professional.
Gwen72
Lady- I know why you may not be able to see the racism. If you are not black or have black family and have never experienced subtle racism like that it is hard for you to see it.
You hate to label somebody unfairly... but this sounds fishy to me. Being followed and all.
I think maybe the person was being racist. Maybe not even meaning to, but still doing it.
Maybe she saw other aa people that day or during the exhibit or a class of kids or something who were messy. She thinks to herself "these aa people are so messy! It's causing a problem at our museum." Where if it she saw messy white people she would say "wow those people really don't know how to act appropriately in the museum!!" Without even thinking about their race.
Or maybe she was just having a bad day.
I know that any time you post any question on this forum it seems that there are 20 people jumping in to defend the person in question and tell you it wasn't racism.
Either way it was totally inappropriate and kind of bizarre!! Staff at museums are usually so subdued and you'd never expect that sort of outburst. And especially to be followed.... yikes. I'm so sorry you were treated that way and that W had to see it.
Fe2002
Gwen, I can understand that... sometimes you simply know it when you're experiencing it. Something similar happened to a Caucasian friend of mine. She is married to a black man and they have a (of course) bi-racial child. We were all on the elevator in a corporate environment. The other white woman on the elevator never said a word, it was her body language and the look on her face. I'm AA, but it wasn't aimed at me. It was directed to my friend and her family. I was HORRIFIED... no words were exchanged but as soon as we stepped off the elevator I looked at my friends and EACH of us felt the same way. We all had experienced something incredibly ugly and hurtful without a word being said.
Advertisements
Goodness... you know I could get into a long drawn out discussion with you about non-verbal communication, but that would assume you actually understood the concept of non-verbal communication and how it differs from verbal communication... and from your reading comprehension skills I'm not willing to bet in your favor when it comes to intelligence.
So why don't you take your asinine post and your weekly allowance and go invest in a dictionary.
adopttag
This is ridiculous. What, are you and your friends possessed of some psychic, mindreading powers? The fact is you CAN'T read minds and you can't just knowӔ what a person is thinking. All we DO know, since you admitted it freely, are the judgemental thoughts you and your friends had.
Funny thing; white racists often think they just knewӔ a silent black stranger wants to rob them or some such. By your own admission this woman didn't actually say or do anything, yet you 'just know' she was a racist? LOL! Talk about hypocrisy. (Not to mention paranoia, geesh!)
Who's the racist?
