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This came up in a discussion I took part in yesterday on racial attitudes in our culture, and I was curious what you guys would think about it.
When I tell people we're hoping/planning to adopt a new baby this summer, I don't necessarily say that he's AA. The news is, We're adopting a baby! We're thrilled! It's a boy! We can't wait! But now I realize that some people may be surprised when the pictures start coming.
I've read a lot about CC parents in the past making the mistake of trying to be "color-blind," and pretending we're all just the same. This is not a mistake I want to make with our child. Race is an issue, and I don't want to pretend it isn't. My question: am I doing just that, playing "color-blind," by not telling people he's AA when it doesn't naturally come up in conversation?
When I think about it, I realize that I have made sure to mention the fact when telling people who I think might need more time to get used to the idea. But when I'm telling people who I know share my own attitudes, it doesn't seem to me to be that much of an issue.
I would really love to hear your thoughts.
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we're also adopting a likely mxed race newborn (birthfather is to be determined, but mom believes he is an AA man she saw casually)...i generally DON'T tell people. Not because i'm embarassed, or ashamed, but because I feel like we're adopting a BABY. Not a black baby, or a white baby, or a green with purple polkadots baby, or whatever. Just...a baby.
I feel like including that little detail "oh, and by the way, it's a mixed race baby" like people will feel they have to pity us or feel sorry that we're not getting a 'white baby'...i figure if they're going to be uncomfortable about it, we'll let them meet the baby and feel uncomfortable about it then. NOT knowing beforehand, we'll be able to better judge their first reaction to the baby (and probably be able to tell who is really ok and who's not)...
I guess that I know race SHOULD be a conscious issue (and we WILL foster the AA culture for our baby as much as we can), but if I make an issue of it, then so will everybody else...
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When we found out we were selected for our daughter, I told only our parents, siblings and best friends. The topic of race came up when I was describing the circumstances to how we were picked, what the hospital had told us (we hadn't laid eyes on her yet) about her, etc.
With other family and friends I announced Cam's arrival, but didn't go into race unless specifically asked what she looked like. I also never said anything about race when I made a FB announcement, or ran into people. So if they were shocked by pictures, or seeing a very real, very brown little baby? They held it together in front of me pretty well. And because my baby is particularly stunning, most did far better than contain their shock...they gushed over the loveliness of my girl. :D
We adopted a baby. Part of her is her coloring/heritage/culture. I never hid it, but I didn't go out of my way to say "we just took placement of a baby girl...and she's part CC, Hispanic, and AA (so we thought from the agency...turns out she's CC/Hispanic and Moroccan). Just "OMG...we have a baby!!"
You will know when to offer more info, like when a friend starts asking what emom looks like...kwim? While race IS important, it doesn't need to be a qualifier for what kind of baby you are adopting. Just like I learned a little too late that I didn't need to tell everyone about Cam's particular situation. With some family and friends I wish I had never told them about Cam's drug exposure, but then again I am helping to dispel ignorant notions of "drug babies".
If that makes sense....feel like I am having a hard time with words today....lol. :p
I personally only told people if they asked. Most people assumed our child was going to be Black until she was born. I told my MIL and my parents the race of our DD before the transfer because they asked me specifically.Now that my daughter is much older (2 years old) I never tell people what her race/ethnicity is. Its not that I am ashamed or colorblind (because I am DEFINITELY not) but because its not that important at that particular moment.
We are in the process of adopting again. And I've been asked what our next baby will look like. They of course are asking if we are adopting another AA baby. I just tell people, we'll wait and see, we are open to any race. Although I do hope we have another AA, Biracial or Multiracial baby so S has a sibling that resembles her in some way. But we'd be just as happy with a CC baby as well. So we'll see. :)
Thanks for the responses. I was surprised and relieved that you all seemed to feel the way I did.
In the meantime, our adoption fell through in Week 36 of the pregnancy - looks like we were scammed, as a matter of fact. The agency mentioned another prospective match to us and the thought of a CC baby seemed so uninteresting after our profound emotional investment in our AA baby, who isn't going to be ours after all.
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