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ok - I've written this out SEVERAL times...and it turns into War and Peace. I'll try to keep it short. Here's the crux of my problem. Nephew (by marriage) being investigated by dss since day he was brought home from the hospital. In home services were case plan with my SIL as a "safety resource" if parents couldn't handle nephew. THat's part of the case plan which was decided at the CFT meeting 75 days ago. Since then, all manner of crazy has happened. Dad lives with gma. Gma now has kinship placement of the baby. Mom of the baby has been all over the state, but only has supervised visits. Dad must be supervised at all times (but isn't). Gma calls SIL every other week saying "You need to take kinship; I can't care for a baby full time." We've been waiting in the wings since DAY ONE. We've told sw we are here, sent letters, sent emails, called, etc. They don't care - won't talk to us - don't want us involved on case at all. They say they can't talk to us until the dad, mom or gma put us on the kinship list. However, they all refuse to put us on the kinship list. DSS is "grooming" SIL to be the next placement (and pushing HARD) but SIL and my brother do not want to be the placement because of their current situation (but will do it over nephew going to other options). They very much want us to be the placement (as do we). But, dss has made up their minds, and nothing else seems to matter. We are THISCLOSE to being licensed for FC. We are out of state, so it would require an icpc. My FClicensing SW said that because nephew is in kinship placement with GMA right now, they can and should start an ICPC to place with us "if they are looking to place with us." Here's the problem...DSS doesn't WANT to do it...they aren't "looking" to place with us. They are looking for the easiest possible route...SIL...if and when Gma bombs out. There are really not any other viable options besides SIL and us. And SIL wants it to be us. We want it to be us! Here's my question... We are coming up on the 90 review of the CFT case plan. NOTHING has been done by mom and dad and lots bad has happened. Gma is constantly enabling Dad. Mom is lost cause. We feel strongly that DSS is going to try to do the least amount of effort possible. The sw who lied about me is off the case (not my doing). The new SW changes the subject when my name comes up. Previously she went from telling my SIL that she wants to talk to her daily to not returning her calls weeks at a time. I'm not even on their radar, despite showing complete and total interest. SIL would be a great option for nephew, but they are in a tough spot and we are the better solution for him. There is really only one option on the mom's side of the family, but he has a murder conviction, so we doubt it'll go that way (but you never know). I don't have the full name of the current SW. I'm trying to get her last name so I can call her. We have a completed homestudy. I was going to drive it up and hand it to them, but then the other sw made a huge stink and started lying about us. Unbelievable. What is wrong with this system? They act like I'm putting them out by caring and trying (then they'll tell everyone that no one cared or tried). So far we've tried to not rock the boat, keep dad, mom, gma all happy and on our side. If I go over the SW's head, it will probably set off all of the family (except SIL who is solidly on our side). Baby is currently with Gma, Gpa and dad lives there. He's doing ok, fed, cared, for, etc. But all the same toxic things exist that brought dss into the picture. Dad is still dating mom (and planning to run away out of the state as soon as they can get custody of the baby), dad threatened to put a bullet in gma's head yesterday, dad spent memorial day blowing his paycheck at his dealer's house. Gma refuses to disclose any of this to the sw (particularly the threats on her life!!!), all of which violates the CFT, btw. Every couple of weeks GPa threatens to have Dad evicted...that goes no where. Lots of DV, verbal abuse, etc. Both Gparents are in terrible health. DSS said they weren't long term placement candidates. Should I: 1) Wait until nephew is moved to SIL (which we think will happen at 90day meeting), then she will put me on the kinship list and ask for me to go on the respite list. Do that a bit and then ask for ICPC. 2) Start making waves now: -Small waves - Contact new SW, resend all my previous stuff. Try to be included. Approach as needing "help." -Big waves - Demand ICPC is started immediately. Ombudsman. Letters to the Board, supervisors, etc. Send unsolicited copy of our homestudy. 3) do nothing and let SIL and Brother take one for the team. Baby will be happy and well cared for. Would put a LOT of stress on their marriage, current children, etc. 4) keep everything as it is and hope that dad and gma finally put me on the kinship list so people will take me seriously. I cannot keep baby for up to 30 days if an ICPC is going to be lodged. I looked it up. Yes, you can do it for relative visits but not if you are looking to be a perm placement. It violates the ICPC and you can have it all thrown out. I might not be able to even do respite for her unless an ICPC is done! We've gotten to spend a couple of weekends with him, and one day for a couple of hours. SIL will get him soon again and we are going to visit with him again. We've sent gifts and I'm friends with mom and gma on social networking site. Dad has spent time with me with the baby as well. I'm not a "distant relative" no one ever talks to, but I'm not close to them either. I'm very close to SIL and my nephews (and my bro, obviously). Oh - and we are about 5 hrs from gma/dad, 2-3hrs from SIL. The Case plan, if SIL gets kinship - per dss, is parent visits every other weekend. So that's completely doable for us as well. Baby will be 6mos coming up. He's behind due to prematurity and neglect. There's so much more to this. Dad and Gma cannot be reasoned with, either. Just FYI. In case you might suggest trying to talk them into directed placement. Not capable of that kind of self-less-ness. Neither of them. Mom would do it in a heartbeat, though.
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OK.. CW won't consider you because there's an in state relative stepping forward. THAT relative needs to make their timeline clear (that they aren't permanent nor adoptive, but you are). they need to ask if out of state placement is currently disallowed due to visitation or other custody requirements. If so, they need to hang on until TPR or this status changes. if there is no "ban" and this is the case of the CW just going the easy route, you are two optoins.. 1) speak to supervisor and go up the food chain 2) SIL gives DCYF a deadline for removing the child. This is risky, but it helped expedite in our case If the two of you agree on a long term plan, CW should help you implement it. if not, see supervisor. Someone in family needs to represent the family at the 90 day review. Current guardian should be allowed to speak. if that person represents the family as a whole to the larrger audience you may have luck As for visitation, I had J every weekend during the ICPC process. This was blessed by CWs in both states. it as considered an informal visit.
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My nephew hasn't even been born yet but we've been thinking long and hard about ICPC and what that means for us as a placement resource. Essentially, I don't think they will start ICPC (or even consider it) until the plan is no longer reunification. IF your SIL gets permanent guardianship (not adoption) of nephew after TPR then she can alone consent to the adoption with you. Since SHE would then be placing the baby and not DSS, ICPC would no longer apply (family placement isn't under ICPC). Yep, I've done too much research for my own good. If it was me, I would just sit tight. It sounds like a bomb is about to blow with gma and biodad and your nephew will be moved soon to SIL....then I would go from there. It should be MUCH easier when he's with SIL. :-)