Everyone has a story...

Hi. I have a long story but I'll try to keep it pared down as much as I can :o So, I hear it a lot. Kids fantasizing that they're adopted, even though they have no reason to believe this. I was one of those kids too...always feeling like I didn't quite "belong" fully in my family. In high school, I found out that my mother had given a baby up for adoption when she was 18 and still in high school. She told me that everyone in her family wanted her to keep the baby and that the only one that did not want her to was the father of the baby. She went with her boyfriend's opinion. I was disturbed by this (why did she have me if she gave up another baby?! Why didn't she accept the support of her family to keep the baby?!) and it was never far from the front of my mind. I still think about it often, and now have tried finding my brother. In my first year of college, my mom and dad divorced. My dad stopped talking to me (?? No reason that I could figure out!). He found a "substitute" family, complete with a daughter exactly my age and a son (exactly my brother's age). He stopped helping pay for college and housing. Told me that my education was a waste of time. I still don't talk to him over 18 years later...but my brother works for him so it's a weird dynamic. Fast forward to late 20's for me. Biological clock starting to tick. My partner and I decide to have a baby using an anonymous donor. I tell my mom about it and she (who had been bugging me about wanting grandchildren, however they got here, for years) looked and acted less than thrilled when I told her I was pregnant. What? You're not supportive? Great. Of course everything's fine once my son is born. Then had my daughter two years later, everything's still great. Now, I had made the choice to use anonymous donors for conceiving my children because I didn't want any "messy" contact with someone else regarding the children my partner and I were raising. I didn't understand about wanting to know biological parents if they were never in your life to begin with. That attitude has most definitely changed now. Why did my attitude change? After my relationship with my partner fell apart, and I was pretty much starting over...I came across an old portrait of my mother looking very pretty and happy. Something compelled me to check behind the picture of her and to my surprise there is a portrait of a man I had never seen before, obviously taken at the same time as the one of my mother. The man looked related to me. My mother's sister, who was staying with me at the time, told me the next day, "That's your real dad, sweetie. I thought your mom told you about him when you were 16". At this time I was 35, just learning that my dad wasn't really my dad! And that most people in my family knew about this all along!! WHAT?! :confused: So, that funny feeling I had when I was a kid was (half) true!! I didn't really belong fully to my family! So many things cleared up for me: my dad didn't talk to me or want anything to do with me when I went to college because, well, I wasn't his kid! Ok, that makes some sense (even though it's wrong and hurtful). It was right at that moment that I understood the impact of not knowing about your biological family, and how this will probably affect my children in the future. I immediately asked my mom about this situation, was given a, shall we say, less than satisfactory answer. But at least now I had a name, wedding date, and possible location to start with! Also the knowledge (according to my mom) that my bio dad WANTED children. So, he should be happy to find out about me, right? I was going to find my biological father!!! BUT...she had lied to him and said that she was pregnant with someone else's child, and she left him. Ok, so now I'm doing some searching. Found a lot of people on FB with the same last name as my bio father...then start messaging them to see if they know him or know of him. Yep, got 3 responses immediately!!! After some information exchange (for the others to be confident I was who I said I was), I really felt optimistic. My bio uncle has been nothing but sweet, encouraging and accepting of me since the get go. My bio father's son (who it turns out was adopted by my bio father and his wife) was leary and protective, but still communicated with me. Now, what the heck's up with my father? Why no contact yet?? After months of communicating with my uncle and brother, still no father. I'm thinking, "Huh? He wanted kids! I'm his!!! AND he adopted a baby two years after I was born!". I am his only biological child. Nobody could explain to me why he wouldn't contact me himself. Finally, my uncle did a 3-way call and I was able to hear my father's voice. :happydance: Strangely, he sounded just how I imagined he would. He was very polite, courteous and told me a few nice stories. We promised each other and my uncle that we would keep in touch. I was elated...until I never heard from him again. Fortunately my uncle and I have a very nice relationship and communicate frequently. My brother, unfortunately, passed a year ago quite unexpectedly. Now...I am looking into foster/adopt and I'm realizing I have some things to work out for myself... Can anybody give me insight about this lack of communication by my bio father? I am hurt and confused, and feel cheated by both sides of my family. I would love any advice to help me sort through this, and feel less "cheated". So sorry...this ended up much longer than I had planned it to be. :arrow: