Advertisements
First of all, I wasn't sure of best forum for this as it is regards personality and I thought this seemed the best fit.
[url=http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article2222614.ece]Do pals matter more than parents? - Times Online[/url]
I have read a few of Judith Rich Harris’s articles before and find them quite interesting.
My own view on whether parents can shape their child’s personality is this.
I believe our personality traits are inherited. Having said that, I don’t believe we have “negative:” and “positive” personality traits as such, more that we have personality traits that can manifest themselves in negative and positive ways. So while growing up, if we have good parents, they can guide us to explore the more positive aspects of those traits. However, our peers also have influence in that regards.
I have thought about this and have come to realise that certain aspects of my personality that I felt were shaped by my aparents are more personality traits I have inherited that complement my aparents’ personality traits.
For example, I have always assumed I enjoyed reading so much because my amom loves to read as well and that her love of reading made me love reading. However, I have since discovered that my bmom also loved to read and, according to non-ID info, my bfather did as well. So I now feel that in fact my love of reading is inherited and that my amom’s love for reading complements my love for reading.
The funny thing is that when people talk to me about my bmom’s overall personality, I often think “I’m not like that at all” (especially when they are saying nice things about her lol); however, when I hear specific anecdotes about something she has done, there are definite similarities - I've also found in some cases that I can instinctively understand why she did a certain thing even though I can sense that the person telling me doesn't quite get it. Having said that, I do know in other cases that my understanding may be more from hearing different views from different people so try to be aware of that. I am also aware that when my uncles tell me something and they don't understand and I do, it may be because of my being a female. There are many different considerations to take into account.
By the way, if anyone is thinking I may be just trying to find things similar with bmom and bfamily that aren’t there, that is not the case at all. When it comes to finding out things about bfamily, I always play the devil’s advocate to myself and think, well there may be other reasons for such and such and am always trying to sort out the wheat from the chaff.
What do others think? Do you feel you have shaped your child's personality or do you feel more that you are guiding them to manifest their personality in positive ways? I definitely think parents are important but perhaps more in a guiding capacity than a shaping capacity.
Btw, temperament is spelt wrong in the subforum's heading - sorry, it is the typist in me coming out lol.
Like
Share
I'm of the "it takes a village" mindset.
I can see some of T in J. Not only looks, but an interest in athletics, and a few other quirks.
I see her brother in some of the ways she acts when she's frustrated. I see my cousin when she feels like acting silly.
I like to think i already see an influence from me (including my love of reading.. ok, i'll take credit for this, even though grammie started the nightly reading before she came here)
I definitely can see her peers in her actions. Not sure how much with stick with her through life, but she''s mimicked one friend's pout, another friend's bullying ways, and still another's clinginess.
I do feel, at this point, I'm helping her mold her best self. She's not an empty vessel who can be crafteed into a "mini me". She's got a definitely personality and preferenced (has had them even when i met her at 4 years old).
As an example, she has amazing people skills. As in, she can get other kids to like her. they tend to rally around. Whether that comes for her mom (who has an amazing ability to get people to help her) or whether its a side effect of FAE or came as a role developed from her trying to cope in her prior combative home, I dunno
I try to guide her to treat people with respect.. To see the less popular kids as individuals.. to not manipulate for the sake of manipulating. But to use her connections when appropriate.
As an adult, I'm certain she'll have the ability to attract other people with or without my help. In my ideal world I'll see myself in how she handles it.
Advertisements
wcurry66
I'm of the "it takes a village" mindset.
I can see some of T in J. Not only looks, but an interest in athletics, and a few other quirks.
I see her brother in some of the ways she acts when she's frustrated. I see my cousin when she feels like acting silly.
I like to think i already see an influence from me (including my love of reading.. ok, i'll take credit for this, even though grammie started the nightly reading before she came here)
I definitely can see her peers in her actions. Not sure how much with stick with her through life, but she''s mimicked one friend's pout, another friend's bullying ways, and still another's clinginess.
I do feel, at this point, I'm helping her mold her best self. She's not an empty vessel who can be crafteed into a "mini me". She's got a definitely personality and preferenced (has had them even when i met her at 4 years old).
As an example, she has amazing people skills. As in, she can get other kids to like her. they tend to rally around. Whether that comes for her mom (who has an amazing ability to get people to help her) or whether its a side effect of FAE or came as a role developed from her trying to cope in her prior combative home, I dunno
I try to guide her to treat people with respect.. To see the less popular kids as individuals.. to not manipulate for the sake of manipulating. But to use her connections when appropriate.
As an adult, I'm certain she'll have the ability to attract other people with or without my help. In my ideal world I'll see myself in how she handles it.