A lost and scared birth mom

I'm the birth mom of six children, I became homeless and was unemployed after my relationship with my children's father ended (he was cheating). My mother took the oldest 3 children and the younger 3 were placed for adoption by the state. I had asked my mother to take the children in to help me out for a short time but she wouldn't take them without giving her custody. At the last minute she only wanted the oldest three and abandoned the younger three. After about ten years she allowed her husband to rape my second daughter who was then eleven yrs old. Yes she told him he could do anything just not leave her. this is sad but true, he was sent to prison for a 53 yr sentence, she got nothing. My second daughter hates me for abandoning her I kind of understand her feelings but if i would have known I wouldnt have let them go there I dont know what to do she wants me to give up my home and move near her, even though it isnt realistic for me at this time, I recently lost my job and my car is broke down. Im at a point in my life where Im struggling again and she wants to make all these demands on me that... my fourth child just turned 18 and I have already met with the adoptive parents I will be meeting my daughter in a week or so and Im scared that I will have these problems with her like with my second child I... I didnt have good roll models for parents so I sux at being a parent, I never got to be a parent they were just babies when they left my care. No my mother wouldnt let me be in their lives when they were growing up. I dont know where to turn or who to talk to or how to fix what has already been done.