Want to donate embryo, not abort it. Don't know where to go!

Have you gone to a crisis pregnancy center? They know doctors who work with high risk patients (what you are). Many doctors would rather not take a risk and tell a patient to get an abortion. I have met a few women who were told so by their doctors and did have the abortions, for example a short petite woman was pregnant with triplets and told she could not possibly carry them, so she aborted them and was very upset about it. If she had gone to a pro-life doctor who works with high risk, she would be a mother to live children today. Yes, even doctors have agendas. I say, go talk to someone at a crisis pregnancy center, preferably religious based. They have great contacts to doctors.

click this link and call one of the offices close to you (I assumed you're from California, but if not you can find a list for your area) [url=http://www.fertilitycare.org/california-medical-consultants/]- California NaProTECHNOLOGY Medical Consultants[/url]I know they're fertility doctors who only practice ethical treatments and get to the root of the problem, but they also deal with high risk (obviously). It won't hurt to call. And if asthma is the reason why, I know many severe asthmatics who have had healthy pregnancies. Heck, I've known women with different high risks who had healthy pregnancies.

um Elisabeth have you thought about maybe giving the baby up for adoption I know it is easier said then done giving that you have this little bean inside of you but carrying it for 9 months might give you time to think about everything and what you think is best for your baby I am going to pm you with a name and phone number to a non profit that I know about and just call them they will be able to help you with your options.

I've definitely thought of giving the baby up for adoption. If I wasn't high risk for sustaining injuries having the baby that is probably exactly what I would do. Also, I did go to a pro life hospital the first time around. Not really by design, just because my local hospital happens to be Catholic run. It's owned by Catholic Health Care West. The doctors there aren't supposed to suggest abortion as an option unless they really feel there is no other viable alternative. That's why I so desperately wanted to have my baby transferred into the womb of another woman who wanted to get pregnant but couldn't. I had just heard of embryo donation and it got my hopes up, only to realize the kind I am speaking of doesn't exist yet. I am so crushed and torn. I will be going to another OBGYN for a second opinion, but it's not looking good. I was told long before this happened that it is not safe for me to give birth to a child. That I will need to seek out a serrogate mother when I decide to have kids. And I was more or less fine with that. Until now. But I am going to see what my options are with this new OBGYN. I just wish they could put this baby in a safer body so that the baby could grow up and be happy and have a normal life with a family who had been trying to have kids but couldn't. I really do. I'll be happy when they can do that, but by then it will be too late for this child. ;_;

Do you have an ectopic pregnancy? If so, the doctor is correct, you cannot carry the baby. You would not get a direct abortion, but what you would have to do is have our fallopian tube removed which indirectly would end your baby's life. That is different than an abortion. As far as the doctor who said to have an abortion, I would report him to the hospital. They need to know that since it is against Catholic teaching to advise a direct abortion and a physician at a Catholic hospital is suppose to be committed to upholding Catholic teaching on this topic.

No. The doctor didn't do anything wrong. They are allowed to advise patients to abort the pregnancy if they really think their health and even their lives are in serious jeopardy if they go through with childbirth. They are not allowed to encourage patients to do something that they are sure could seriously hurt them. They are Catholic run, yes. But they are still doctors. Trust me, at this hospital, abortion is treated as a very very last resort. The doctor I see there has been my primary care physician as well as my obgyn for years. She knows my health situation very well. Also, if a doctor is forced to advise in favor of abortion for the wellbeing of the mother, they are required to log not only their diagnoses but also their decision and why they felt they had to suggest that and nothing other. They have to fill out a special different colored form and stuff. And I would imagine they would also have to report to the board of directors their decision because the policy is taken so seriously. So the hospital already knows about it, it is in their records. I was strongly encouraged by my doctor to get a second opinion, so thats exactly what I am doing today. My appointment is at 2 pm and I'm nerve wracked. I want to hear some good news this time, even though I'm not expecting it. I've always been warned that child birth for me was not going to be a safe procedure. But that last tiny bit of hope keeps me going.

Well, thank you to everyone who tried to help and offer support during this awful time. I'm sorry to say that today, after seeing a second, and then still a third doctor at the hospital today, I got the answer I was expecting, but not the one I was hoping for. The first doctor I saw today gave me my second ultrasound, and the first thing he said when he looked at my uterus was "Ohhhhhhhh... no! No. I'm sorry, no." He told me he knew I had come there hoping to hear differently, but that he could in no way ethically recommend I go through with the pregnancy. However he told me he was still willing to do bloodwork, and take a uralysis, and send me to speak to one of the high risk maternity specialists if I wanted a third opinion. I told him yes, I did want to. So I was sent to the 1st floor to get blood drawn, then a nurse came and took me to another room to wait for one of the leading doctors at the hospital who specializes in high risk pregnancies. But when she came in the room to speak with me, I could tell right when she said hello to me that the answer was still no. She gave me the cold hard truth and explained to me that typically the type of patients they see are women who's chances of getting through their pregnancies unharmed was determined to be about 70-80%, stressing to me that a 20-30% chance of sustaining serious injury or death was still a very high number to gamble one's life on, especially when most healthy normal women have more than a 99% chance of surviving their pregnancies in good health. She then told me point blank that based on the ultrasound, my bloodwork, and my medical history, my chances of going through childbirth and coming out ok were less than 40%, and in addition to that, the chances of me delivering a healthy baby were less than 60%. She said she was sorry she couldn't come to me with better news, and if I insisted, she could refer me to a few other high risk specialists and clinics, but warned me that no doctor or facility who cares a thing about their patient's health was going to be willing to consent to carrying me through a pregnancy when the odds are so against it going well. I couldn't say much, except that I understood, I had been told this for years before this happened. My ovaries are healthy, but my uterus and cervix are too scarred and faulty to reasonably sustain a baby without huge threats of health hazard to myself and the fetus. I told her I had prepared myself for this news, I just didn't want to go through with a termination before really finding out if there was any other option for me. She said she knew I wanted to save this child and if their department could have helped me, they would. I was brought back downstairs to the obgyn to go over the safest method of termination for me, which would be the early abortion pill. I, of course, unhappily consented to this and signed the forms, and the doctor left to get my first pill. Before I took it I told the little growing being inside me that I was sorry I wasn't able to save it (I only call it "it" because I'll never know if it was going to be a boy or a girl). I was sorry I hadn't used a better form of birth control to prevent this little life from entering the world only to be robbed of it's chance to exist as the person it could have grown up to be, and I was sorry it was conceived in a body that could not support it. And I hoped that if there was a little soul in there yet, that God would give it the second chance I couldn't give it with a much more able bodied woman who could give this little soul the gift of life it couldn't have from me. I felt so bad as I took the first pill. The doctor explained to me before this, that most women were sent home with the 4 pills they were to take on their own the next day, but because of my injured uterus that already plagues me with horridly unstable irregular periods and burning cramps and pain, I would need to come back to the hospital the next day to take the remaining pills in their presence due to my risk of hemorrhaging. I don't know how I am going to go back. I could barely swallow the first pill. I wanted to save this baby. I know I can't help my condition, but I really feel like I failed today. I'll always wonder who this child could have been if I was able to save it. I really hope God gives this one a second chance with someone else, if at all possible. I hate having to end a future person's existence before it barely even began. The feeling is overwhelmingly horrible. I hate the thought of this little one that could have been never existing again. Even though I don't talk to God as often as I probably should, today I begged Him to give this child a chance with someone else, or at least take it's little soul to heaven. I'm sorry to this baby. I'm sorry I couldn't give it life. ;_;

Please contact this group: [url=http://rachelsvineyard.org/]Rachel's Vineyard Ministries[/url]Also, it is okay to name your child and mourn his/her loss. This child will be a soul in heaven praying for your soul and for you to do the will of God.

I'm so sorry. Please know that your child is in heaven with the Lord Jesus. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Feel free to PM me if you want.

Thank you all for your support and understanding. ;_; I really do hope my baby's soul is in heaven.

(((((Desperate_in_ca))))) I don't know what faith background you come from, but I thought I'd share something that I learned back in the late 1980's when Mother Angelica, a Poor Clare nun, founded EWTN (Eternal Word Television Network), a Catholic channel available on cable TV and satellite. Evidently she had counseled many women who were still grieving years after having abortions. One suggestion she encouraged was to name your baby. If you didn't know the sex of the child before the abortion, she suggested picking a unisex name...like Robin or Lee. I don't remember now her reasoning for this, but she is convinced that it does help resolve the grief. She suggested praying for the child by name and accepting in your heart that you will always be his or her mother...and that you will be reunited one day in Heaven. At first, I thought the concept was really strange, but I've known several women since then who've followed Mother Angelica's advice...and they swear it helped them heal. Sweetie, I am so sorry you lost your child. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You tried your very best, but medical science just isn't advanced enough yet for many things like this. Please be kind to yourself---treat yourself as you would treat your very best friend if this had happened to her. :loveyou:

Thank you! So hard not to feel guilty though. I've always leaned towards pro-choice, but when I found myself in this situation I started feeling like I made my choice when I had sex. I don't think I feel that way towards other girls though. It's hard to explain it. ;_; I am trying to move on now, but it will be hard. I actually did name my child when I started getting my hopes up about being able to carry it and adopt it out to a good family. I named it Baby E. because I didn't know yet if it was a boy or girl. I have definitely been praying for its little soul. I'm not Catholic, but I don't think you need to be to follow Mother Angelica's advice. Maybe it will help me. I just hope this little being doesn't hate me. I hope God took it back to be with Him.

I'm so sorry for your heartbreak and loss desperate in ca, I truly am. I agree with the advice Raven's given you. If you feel you need more support or to speak with someone there are many kinds of services and ministries that will listen and help. There's nothing wrong with grieving, it's normal. Your child was innocent and created in the image of; he or she is with God, don't worry. I'm really very sorry.

Thank you. I really do hope so.

You did nothing wrong from my perspective, and I am so sorry you are going through this. Please be kind to yourself. You sound like a very responsible, thoughtful person who should know she has support. It seems you went above and beyond what many people would do and I am sorry things didn't end up the way you had hoped. Thinking of you and wishing you peace to comfort your tender heart.