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My DH and I are 35 and 30. Married for four years.Two bio children from previous relationships but none together. We TTC for three years to no avail and had basically put adoption or IVF on hold.
About ten weeks ago, a private adoption situation literally fell into our laps. Nothing short of a miracle. A friend of mine's niece by marriage is pregnant with a baby girl, due in the fall.
We began corresponding and she is 100% sure she wants us as the birthparents. It's too complicated to get into but this is just a miracle for all involved, it really is!
DH and I retained an attorney in birthmom's home state and are in the midst of our homestudy. All was proceeding nicely until...we found out birthfather is 1/4 Comanche. Registered with the tribe. We know where he is, and he is willing/wanting to sign the adoption papers. No one in his family is interested in keeping the baby.
He and BM were never married. (BM is not Native American.) Dad is totally out of the picture, lives in another state, wants nothing to do with the baby. Our attorney is preparing an affidavit for dad to sign that says he has no interest in parenting the child.
Our attorney doesn't seem *too* concerned, just said we will have to petition the tribe, and he said that Comanche is typically pretty easy to work with. He said Cherokee is much harder.
The bloodline with Comanche ends at 1/8 so our baby girl would be the last in her line able to register with the tribe.
Help! I'm soooo scared, things were moving along so perfectly. Birthmom loves us, wants us, and for the last 8+ weeks, it's been perfect. I know she would NOT be okay with having to find a new family for her baby. She went to Catholic Charities when she first got pregnant and left in tears b/c she didn't WANT to look at profiles, and stuff. She loves the fact that I am friends with her aunt----she feels like she isn't just throwing her baby out into the unknown.
HELP. I need advice or words of comfort. My DH and I were thinking of writing a letter to send in with our petition to the Comanche tribe, saying how we fully intend (and we do!) to embrace our baby's heritage, etc.
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You are on the right track by having an attorney familiar with the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA). Each tribe can make their own determinations regarding placement with a non-tribal family. If your attorney says that the Commanche tribe is easy to work with I would trust him. I know he is correct about the Cherokee tribe (dh is Cherokee as is my adopted daughter). If you had said the baby was Cherokee, I would have said to quit while you were ahead. The biggest thing is to be sure the tribe is informed and in agreement every step of the way. Sometimes people try and sidestep ICWA by not informing the tribe. It is bad practice that can result in an adoption being overturned. I would trust your attorney if he isn't too concerned. You might see if you can find other families that have adopted Commanche children and ask about their experiences. Other families that have adopted children under ICWA can share their experiences but it really is unique to each tribe.
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Thanks! I am trying to relax and trust the attorney.
I think what's key here is that the birthfather is the one who's NA and he has no rights unless he establishes them. Which he does not plan on doing and he's willing to sign an affidavit as such.
I think it is also good that this is a private adoption and we have been chosen by the birthmother, as opposed to a child removed from the home due to neglect or abuse.
Thanks for the positive thoughts and response! :-)