This dad needs help, helping mom!!!

I know I'm a Dad in the Mom's section here, but I'm desperately grasping for some help here, and really think that of those who've been through it would help out a lot more, I don't know all the little abbreviations, so please bear with me. Our story began this winter, in the start of Feb., I've been wanting a daughter for quite some time to add to our two birth sons, who are 8 and 10. Driving home one day, it was clear as day, as if God was sitting next to me telling me what to do, saying, "how about adoption?" I brought this up with my wife, who has been totally against having a third child, mostly becuase she didn't want to have another baby, going through all that, diapers etc, and the freedoms we are finding having older kids. Anyway, she agreed that sounded like a good idea, I was ecstatic! I got us signed up for PRIDE classe, we wanted to adopt a child out of Foster care. She was so willing to talk about it all, and so eager with everything as I was, and excited the whole way through. Well in the middle of April, our foster license was all completed, and we were officially in the USKIDS program with WACAP, within two to three weeks, we were matched with a girl that was about 400 miles from us. I feel I need to back up a little here now, in talking with our boys, they didn't want a younger sister, oh by the way, it's a daughter I've been wanting for so long too, but they thought the idea of an older sister was a great idea. So anyway, we were matched with a 13 Y.O. girl and began talking on the phone with her a few times a week. We immediately hit it off with her. This is a girl that is so eager for her forever family, wanting it more than anything, and has come so far with dealing with any issues to get to this point. Within a couple weeks, we all drove down for a long weekend visit, and being foster licensed, meant she could stay with us, so we took her camping, in an RV. We all immediately had such a great connection, she truly was meant to be in our family, such a perfect fit! We've really gotten lucky with God's hands on this. So this was the middle of May at this point, she was placed in our home on June 6, really quick, I know, but everyone was so excited to have her come home! She really doesn't have any issues, other than being a teenage girl! No lets fast forward a couple weeks, my wife is going crazy, suffering from some pretty serious anxiety attacks. The first start to her excuses for it were with what she felt as inappropriate touching by the daughter towards me. This included, tickling when the kids were all playing, and just wanting to be close. This is a girl that hasn't had a strong male figure in her life, and was craving a dad. I saw no issues with what she was doing, but knowing that some of this really needs to be limited with girls and adoptive dads. So I would just kindly have her stop, or step away, whatever it took to do it nicely. My wife didn't agree, and has started in with an attitude towards her! As of now, my wife says she never wanted any of this and just wants to send her back, the daughter has been here three weeks, that's it. My wife has issues, at first thinking of the girl as "another woman in the house", and now just doesn't want to share her house or family with another girl, even though she is a daughter. She has no attachment to our daughter at all, which I would say is fairly common, I however, love this girl to death, she is a great kid, very helpful, and even her looks look like she could have been our birth daughter. My wife says she'll never have the attachment to her like a bio kid, she just want's her to leave. She doesn't want to deal with the issue, she'd rather tuck tail and run. I should explain our boys too, our 8 year old, is a very outgoing, active "normal" boy, our 10 year old, suffered to very major grand mal seizures at 2 and 2 1/2, each lasting 15-20 minutes, never found a reason for it, though we went through all sorts of testing. Since then, he has been very develomentally delayed, he's ten going on 7 I'd say. Not a strong older sibling child, the new daughter is a very good role model and older sibling and loves having the younger brothers, that's part of the reason we were matched with her by the state and her social workers. Anyways...any of you moms out there that have had the same feeling towards the new child in the house, especially a teenage daughter...I beg you to please, please share your experiences, my wife needs someone to talk to help her through this, she's been seeing a therapist, but it's not really helping. She doesn't want to listen to me, she resents me for "pushing her into this." I'm really desperate here...I love my wife, I love my kids, all three of them, it's only been three weeks but I have the daughter I've wanted for so long, to have that father daughter relationship with, my wife doesn't understand this at all, thinks I felt that her and the boys just aren't enough for me, which is not the case, I love them all, my whole life is devoted to my family! Never, anywhere along the lines did she ever say she didn't want this, or we need to think more about this, we are very open with each other, and know the importance of communication, she never spoke anything negative towards her mother about it either. She really needs some encouragement to get through this point, I can't send our daughter back now, it would tear me, her and the boys up for life, but wife just wants to go back to the way it was...and at this point, I don't know if that's possible now! Thank you in advance for letting me get this out...and hopefully to the response I can get from all you Moms out there!!! Desperately seeking help... Shep