What a nice "tan"

I'd just say thank you. I'm really pale & sometimes I joke that I wish my AA daughter would share some of her tan with me!

My son is AA, but was the shiniest pink when he was born. My friends knew his race, but have often commented on his "toasting." To nosey strangers, I just say something like "isn't his skin tone beautiful?" or "I love his skin tone!"

My kids are biracial AA/CC. They are very light complected (maybe hispanic, mild italian?) but in the summer time they do tan and start to look more AA. Its kind of funny. School photos taken at the beginning of the school year look VERY different from end of year! So in our case I do say thanks, I love his tan too.

Oh yeah- I used to get this with our first son when he was right around a year old. I'd just chuckle and say thanks. Now that he's 5 I don't get those comments anymore because it's clearer that he's black.Natalie

i just say thanks and that i know his skin is beautiful!

I would say, "That's not a tan, he's bi-racial" The "tan" comments went away after the first summer when he was no longer an infant. I always felt like people were thinking that maybe I didn't get that I was supposed to be protecting this white baby from the sun (particularly because his first summer was spent in an area of the Jersey Shore where I am pretty sure he is still, 5 years later, the only non-white person many of these folks have ever seen.

This is kinda OT...last summer I was at the park with my son (who is AA). A little girl asked me if he was my son. Proudly I replied that he was. She says, "boy, he has a really great tan!". LOL!

We're starting to deal with this issue. DD has gotten old enough (2 and a half) that her "tan" is a little too much. We live in the Czech Republic and there isn't all that much sun here. When I'm alone with her people ask if my husband is a "wild Indian", because they know I'm an American. When we're with my husband they look really puzzled and keep mentioning her great "tan" over and over again. There are also almost no non-white people here. I generally am comfortable saying something like, "Yes, I wish I had skin like that" and then letting that flow right into, "Yes, she's adopted" if the conversation continues, but given the extreme tensions over the Romani minority in the country, my husband isn't real comfortable with that. He has always been one to avoid conflict and he doesn't see a problem with just avoiding the issue as long as possible. I don't want my children to think this is something we thing that we should hide from. That is much more important to me than any little conflicts that might come up because people here really do have some nasty racist attitudes. Any ideas on how to convince the DH that the children need to be able to see us modeling answers to these questions, rather than avoidance? And any other ideas on ways to answer? Great thread BTW.

Some people are just curious, others are ignorant but don't let there comments get to you. I think it is okay to tell them she is black.Can you PM me the agency you were dealing with? I am looking for a good transracial adoption agency and seen you got a placement in 7 months. =) The help would be greatly appreciated, I am looking to adopt a C/AA or Hispanic infant or toddler.

I never mind the comments like this. My granddaughter spends a great deal of time with us and gets a lot of comments about her tan. She is actually only a fourth black and, since she has blond hair, people never think she is anything other than white. In the summer, she gets real dark, but she looks like she has a tan even in winter. I just tell people who comment about her tan that she had a head start because her dad is half black.

If it's said in kindness and sincerity, then I would respond with a simple "thank you". If not, then I would set them straight. My husband is Mexican but looks like he's a dark Indian (from India) and gets comments all the time on his skin coloring. If the people are sincere, he's very kind in his response. If they're being jerky, he basically says, you only wish you had this beautiful skin and holds his arm up next to their pale arm. He's received plenty of rude comments from "open-minded" people, he calls them out on it every time.

Our daughter is 1/2 AA, 1/4 H, and 1/4 CC and my husband and I are both fair complected CC so it is pretty obvious that she is adopted. When she was an infant (she's 7 yrs old now), we used to get lots of comments. I would get frustrated with being asked over and over, "is she yours?" Of course she's mine whose else could she be but I always knew what they meant. One particular night we were eating at a restaraunt and the waitress kept admiring our infant daughter. She asked is she yours and I said yes she is. She came back by a little later and again asked, "she's yours??" Kind of incredulously and I said yes she is mine. Well then the waitress said "but she's so dark." So I said "yes she is and that's why they tell you not to go the tanning beds while you're pregnant!" She was speechless after that. Yes, Yes Yes...I know it was not the nicest thing to say but after awhile I got so tired of having to explain to perfect strangers that my daughter is adopted. It seems as if because my child did not look like or have skin like me we were fair game for anyone to ask whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. As our daughter got older, the comments and questions subsided. Now every great once in a while someone will ask about adoption and it's no big deal. Last year, at a birthday party I overheard one little girl ask my daughter if I was her mother and my daughter said yes...then the little girl asked my daughter why my skin was different than hers...my daughter just said...I don't know she's just my mom. I have also heard her say 'cause I'm adopted. It seems to be no big deal to her and I am so thankful for that! I think I was more sensitive about the comments and questions during the first year when our daughter was a baby and I was less comfortable as a mother. I think I felt like I had to prove to myself and everyone else that yes I was her mother. Now its not like that. She is my daughter, I am her mother, and I don't feel threatened by anyone or anything. Sorry for the long post. T

If someone here commented on a baby's "tan" it would be exactly how you and Nevada interpreted it. Not a compliment. More an indirect way of saying, "Why are you keeping that baby in the sun!" :) I think the way you are responding is fine. That's what I would have done. She doesn't have a tan. She's black. Cricket, the tanning booth comment made me laugh! People who are rude and intrusive deserve to be messed with.

The tanning booth comment was hilarious!

Thanks for all the great responses! We've been really busy here so I haven't had much time to reply. I think I just lack the part of the brain that tells white lies or can respond with a simple answer:) The other day a guy at staples was oohing and ahhing over her. I mentioned her sister and he responded "Oh are they similar?" Now I know that he meant personality wise or something...but my brain started tripping over itself and I was like "uuuuh well they are both amazing children but she is part African American and Hispanic." This then causes the person to do a double take, then I go into her story. I scream at myself to shut up but I can't. Sigh I suppose I will learn in time. We also got her birth certificate the other day. That made me feel weird as well. Her parents are listed as DH and I. This makes me feel very weird. To me a BC states who you were born to. It also links her to that history as well as ours. Maybe I am weird. When it comes down to it I want my DD to have a sense of black and Hispanic pride even if she looks Caucasian. I want my other daughter to feel that same pride because I want her to be proud of her sisters history. Does that make sense?