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I was at a family reunion this past weekend (my bdad's family's family reunion) and my bdad's girlfriend (who, as he's told me, is a little jealous, of what, I don't know, she's a grown woman and can understand all of this) who has met me before, asked me "what's your name again?" even though I had a nametag on that clearly stated my name and I am one of her boyfriend's three children (and she has no problem remembering their names). I went from tolerating her to not liking her, but then again, I don't think she's good for bdad so maybe I am putting forth body language that states so.
Anyone else had to deal with this?
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Yes, I've been there! My dad's wife wasn't happy about our reunion and used it as part of her reasons for leaving him (she's still bitter about it years on). I thought the new women in his life would be more welcoming since I'm an established part of his life now and one of the "kids," but not one of the women he has dated has been happy to have me around. I think it's a gender thing, as I'm his only female child and we are very close. What about you? Are you the only girl? Is his girlfriend better to his other children?
Women in general often seem very territorial. Each one my dad dates seems to want to marry him and make him part of "her family" (within like days of meeting him) - forget about the family he already has! It's annoying. Thankfully he doesn't date anyone too long, and usually, after a brief introduction, he is careful to spend his date time with the date and his family time with us without her.
Snoopy
I wonder if the fact that you didn't grow up in bdad's life/house (I'm making that assumption, sorry if it's incorrect) makes her feel more threatened? Like she doesn't feel that a person can be someone's child even if they're not raised by said person? In that case I could see her looking at you as some other woman and not his adult child. Even if that's the case, it sounds dumb (I'm not a fan of jealous people in general...can you tell?). She should get over it. Maybe you should ask her name next time you see her :)
Kill her with kindness and never let her see you question or pause what she asks or how she asks it. You can only let people treat you the way you let them and it seems she wants you to feel inferior.
How about the next rude comment she makes, brush it off and have a comment about how great your dad is about something he did for you out of the blue, even if it isn't 100% accurate. ;) And finish it up by letting her know how much you and your dad love one another and not going to let each other go ever again. :)
Thank you for the replies. I'm not his only daughter, his other daughter is the same age as my daughter. Heck, I'm only 7 years younger than this woman. But, based on what my bdad told me, I think she has some serious childhood issues of her own that she needs to address. The two of them have a terrible co-dependent relationship, which I tell him all the time. I seem to be giving him advice a decent amount of time, probably because I have witnessed a lot more than he has (his girlfriend sounds like an alcoholic to me, which he's never known an alcoholic and I've plenty in my family - either current or recovering; I have given him unsolicited advice regarding his relationship with my half-sister, since he's not married to her mom, and his parents were always married, mine divorced when I was young, so I want him to know what it's like as a daughter when the parents aren't married).
I will kill her with kindness when I see her, I just hope that when he and all my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. come up for a visit in a few weeks that he does NOT bring his girlfriend. I don't need the drama.
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Fear can produce some weird emotions and I bet fear is part of what she is feeling. Of course it doesn't make sense to those of us that are on the side of it from her because we don't see ourselves as something to be afraid of, but to someone who doesn't understand our position, we are something to be feared. We may take time away from our first family's other "family" or obligations or whatever is going on with them. I'm certainly not saying it is ok, just going with something I have observed over the years.
This isn't your fault, don't feel bad, don't feel sorry, just hang in there and keep working on your relationship with your birth dad. She will get used to you when she sees you are an addition to the family and not trying to pull him away from it.