Rescinding an adoption

You should talk with your adoption agency. I know some of them will seek out a new family for the child. They also should know the adoption laws of the country and should be able to advise you correctly.

Hi, I second the recommendation above - talk to your adoption agency. Have you followed the story of the woman who sent her son back to Russia? if you have, you know you should try your best to avoid returning a child to his/her home country as it may cause distress for him/her to be displaced again, not to mention causing an international incident that might jeopardize adoptions for others. I believe your agency will help you to find a new home here in the USA - your child is an American citizen aside from which he/she is now your responsibility, even if you get some kind of court decree in the home country, that legal move does not annul the various levels of responsibility you have for his/her care, now that you have adopted him/her.

I would love to contact the adoption agency, unfortunately they are no longer in business. And yes, they were supposedly very reputable. I also, understand the ramifications that all this can have on the child and family, although our other children live in fear daily. Our child is older and wants to go back to her homeland. I realize children do not know what they want, but we have tried everything to help her and she just refuses. She is back on her meds, but the only thing she wants is to go back. Help here is minimal, the system doesn't want to deal with a 16 y/o. We have discerned about this over and over, and we know we need to keep our other children safe and try to provide a stable environment. We also believe that it may be the best for all considering the amount of hatred and anger she has for us.

Hi,I am sorry you are having to live in this kind of crisis. As her parent, you must feel a lot of anger and grief at how she behaves toward you. However, even if she is extremely insistent on returning, you must as an adult know that it would be heartless of you to send a minor, a child with RAD or some other severe problem, back to live in Ukraine (I noticed you adopted from Ukraine but this adoption might be from some other country). She is no longer going to be part of the children's home system as she has been living abroad and is unlikely at her age to be placed back there. Where will she live? How will she support herself? Sending her back will result in her living on the streets, where she will be abused and exploited. It is a death sentence.

Do not consider sending your child back to her home country. At 16, she would almost certainly be considered an adult, and expected to find a job, rent an apartment, etc. Most orphanages will not take in a child of 16; they are trying to move their teens into the community, and finding that, even with no mental health issues, the kids have few marketable skills and little ability to make it on their own. Even healthy children released from orphanages into the community, in many countries, wind up living on the streets, becoming involved in prostitution, becoming involved in crime, etc. Many will die because of disease, including HIV, and many will be injured or killed because of violence; in some countries, even the police prey on street children. Many will wind up in prison. A child with RAD is at even greater risk. And the hospitals and doctors in most countries from which Americans adopt do not know how to take care of people with RAD, even when there is someone to pay for their care (which would not be the case if your child went back.) Youth with mental illness, who are on the streets, are even more vulnerable than others to suicide, violence against them, exploitation, and a life of crime against others. My advice to you is to do the following. Immediately ontact ATTACH, a group for professionals and parents involved with kids who have RAD and other attachment disorders. They can probably supply you with a variety of resources, including both people that help with disruption/dissolution of adoptions, and organizations that provide residential treatment for kids who are so severely affected that they can no longer live in a family. Immediately contact Barb Holtan, a longtime adoption professional who has now retired, I think, but who continues to work on issues surrounding disruption and adoptions of challenging children, as well as other issues. Barb is probably the country's leading expert on finding new homes for children of dissolved adoption. Many parents like you have called her because they can't afford some of the residential treatment centers, and yet don't want their kids relinquished to the state, and their agencies can't or won't help them. She can often find a situation where a child can be adopted by parents able to offer the structure that an RAD affected child needs. She has strong opinions, and speaks bluntly, but she is the most effective advocate for the children of disruption/dissolution that I know of. Immediately contact Joyce Sterkel, who runs Ranch for Kids in Montana. She is an adoption professional and nurse who has created this entity for kids with RAD and other problems, whose parents either need a period of respite, or need help finding a new home for their child. Joyce has actually fostered and adopted several kids from Eastern Europe who have come out of dissolved adoptions. She has set up the ranch to provide a safe environment for kids with problems like your child's, but has also become aware of many other options for them. Also contact your state. Private residential treatment centers, which provide long term treatment and a temporary or permanent home for severely disturbed children who are a danger to themselves and others can be very expensive, and insurance may not pay. In some cases, if you relinquish a child to the state, the state will HAVE TO place him/her in such a center. Will it be the fanciest? No. Will it be the best? Maybe not. But it may be an option for a child who cannot live with a family any longer. Consider this a last resort, if the people and organizations I've mentioned above can't help. Also, call local adoption agencies. You need at least a temporary break, while you find a permanent place for your child. See if they can recommend a respite program geared to parents of severely disturbed adopted children, so that parents can catch their breath and make reasoned decisions about the long term needs of their other family members and the child with problems. THERE IS HELP IN THIS COUNTRY, WHICH DOES NOT EXIST OVERSEAS. Please explore it. Sending your child back to his birth country is the worst possible option. It can wind up being a death sentence. Sharon

Sharon...I surely appreciate your recommendations, I will check into them. As for the private residential facilities, there are none in Michigan. As for local agencies, I cannot get anyone to help. Probation (Family court) says she isn't "criminal enough", although she threatens killing us and we found a knife in her bedroom. But, all she has to say is "I really don't mean it!" and they believe her. DHS will take her if we file negleience, but then they will also take our other 2 children and we will have to fight to get them back. Our other 2 children are very traumatized over all this, but it seems no one wants to protect them. It has been a long hard battle and our sources in the homeland seem to be working harder than those here. Thanks again for the suggestions.

Hi,Bear in mind that the "sources in the homeland" you are working with may not be reliable or dependable, aside from which, they are agreeing to something that will end up profiting them and harming your daughter and possibly you and your other kids, who will witness you abandoning a child to live on the streets.

Let me add to my previous post. The first thing you need to do is find a TEMPORARY respite place for your child. Your child needs to get out of your home, so that she doesn't harm herself or others, and so that you get a little peace and are able to make longer term arrangements with a clear mind. Contact ATTACH or any nearby adoption agency -- it doesn't need to be one you used -- and see what options you have. Even just having her stay away for a couple of weeks in therapeutic foster care or a mental health facility would let you pursue a longer term arrangement, such as adoption, long-term therapeutic foster care, or a residential treatment center. Then spend as many hours a day as you can contacting the people and organizations I mentioned and every adoption agency in your state and beyond, about a more permanent placement. A good place to find a list of agencies is the website of the Joint Council on International Children's Services; it is the world's oldest and largest organization of international adoption professionals, and focuses heavily on educating professionals about issues like disruption. You can also call JCICS to see if it knows of any resources for families contemplating dissolution of their international adoption, especially in situations where a child is a danger to himself and family members. JCICS has seminars on disruption/dissolution almost every year at its annual conference for adoption professionals from around the U.S. At some point, you'll need an attorney, but don't worry as much about that now. You can find an attorney in your state who specialises in adoption issues on the website of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. Sharon