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My two sons - 14 and 16 are adopted. They both want to know their birth parents.
The oldest's adoption is open but we have lost track of his birth mom. She dropped out of sight about 2 years after his birth. The last known mailing address get's a "no such occupant" return. She was pretty much itinerant so it's not surprising. I've looked at several registries but am unsure which are worth putting effort into. And of course there are plenty that want money. Are there any that are good and produce actual results?
My youngest son's adoption was closed at the birth mom's request. We have a little more info on his b family so I think we can track her down. The problem is the closed nature. I'm thinking we find her address and then have him write her a letter introducing himself and asking for a meeting. Does this make sense? Are there better approaches?
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My two sons - 14 and 16 are adopted. They both want to know their birth parents.
The oldest's adoption is open but we have lost track of his birth mom. She dropped out of sight about 2 years after his birth. The last known mailing address get's a "no such occupant" return. She was pretty much itinerant so it's not surprising. I've looked at several registries but am unsure which are worth putting effort into. And of course there are plenty that want money. Are there any that are good and produce actual results?
Have you tried the basic places like Facebook, MySpace, MyLife to find her as I am assuming you do have her name and approx year of birth?
There are passive registries but unknown if they allow underage search posting via the parent. There is a registry here on this site (see tab above reunite) and there is ISRR.net which is a private database which keeps the info private and only advises if they have a match now or future matches. Both are free and if she asks they will be recomended but no guarantees.
If you adopted through an agency you should check out what services they offer regarding search and reunion, registries etc, and at the very least request that you can put a letter in the file and note you are open to contact (great time to update any change of address).
Depending on the state the adoptions took place they too may have either the ability to place a letter in the file, a passive registry, a confidential intermediary search process. See tab above right title library - select laws - select all states - select your state - select access to adoption records.
There are search angels but again unsure re the legalilties as your sons are minors - hopefully someone here knows and will chime in.
My youngest son's adoption was closed at the birth mom's request. We have a little more info on his b family so I think we can track her down. The problem is the closed nature. I'm thinking we find her address and then have him write her a letter introducing himself and asking for a meeting. Does this make sense? Are there better approaches?
Personally I think YOU should write the letter for a couple of reasons. I would include a picture and ask for one in her reply.
1. To create the dialogue between the two adults and makes sure all is well.
2. To provide assurances to his b mother that you are on board with this and she is not going to create a problem which she may be concerned about if your son sends the letter.
3. To protect your son by finding out before he writes the letter that she wants contact. To me writing the letter and having her say no would be a huge 2nd rejection from her that he will have to deal with...(regardless if you have told him she did not reject him at that age it is likely he could see it as rejection). Once you have found her and all is well then have him write the letter.
Kind regards,
Dickons
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