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Hi all!
I just want some help with my girlfriend who is adopted. I don't know how it feels to be adopted and admit it must not feel great. But my problem is at the slightest hint of talking about something like genetics or history she gets really upset and doesn't end up talking to me :(. She does end up saying she is sorry but its kind of frustrating watching every single word i say just so i make sure i don't offend her. Also she is having problems relating to her family and just saying when she has problems with them "Well their not my real parents" and that when she is old enough she wants to move out as soon as possible. She has shown me articles on how adopted children and how at the teenage phase they have a hard time finding who they are. Personally i really would like to ask her who does she want to be, her current self or to change her name back to her original because she has knowledge of this information.
To sum it up basically i want to know how to get her to come to terms with herself and what makes her,her. She is amazing and i love her to bits but i don't want to keep dealing with issues to do with extreme sensitivity. Also another thing is we both live in Australia but she was adopted from India so any reference to India also upsets her and brings her to say "I hate that country and everything about it please don't bring it up". I know it must be hard for her but does anyone have any tips?
Thanks a lot I am forever grateful i found this website, I just don't want to hurt her anymore or see her beat herself up.
Peter:thanks:
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Piz
Hi all!
I just want some help with my girlfriend who is adopted. I don't know how it feels to be adopted and admit it must not feel great. But my problem is at the slightest hint of talking about something like genetics or history she gets really upset and doesn't end up talking to me :(. She does end up saying she is sorry but its kind of frustrating watching every single word i say just so i make sure i don't offend her. Also she is having problems relating to her family and just saying when she has problems with them "Well their not my real parents" and that when she is old enough she wants to move out as soon as possible. She has shown me articles on how adopted children and how at the teenage phase they have a hard time finding who they are. Personally i really would like to ask her who does she want to be, her current self or to change her name back to her original because she has knowledge of this information.
To sum it up basically i want to know how to get her to come to terms with herself and what makes her,her. She is amazing and i love her to bits but i don't want to keep dealing with issues to do with extreme sensitivity. Also another thing is we both live in Australia but she was adopted from India so any reference to India also upsets her and brings her to say "I hate that country and everything about it please don't bring it up". I know it must be hard for her but does anyone have any tips?
Thanks a lot I am forever grateful i found this website, I just don't want to hurt her anymore or see her beat herself up.
Peter:thanks:
Hi, fellow Aussie! I am Australian too although I live in NSW.
When I first contacted relatives last year, I found that PARC (post-adoption resource centre) was very helpful and was able to speak to a counsellor there about questions I had. Unfortunately, it is in NSW, however, their website has some good reading matter on there:
[url=http://www.bensoc.org.au/postadoption/director/affectedbyadoption.cfm]Post Adoption Resource Centre - Information sheets for people affected by adoption[/url]
Here is one for you to read as a partner of an adoptee:
[url]http://www.bensoc.org.au/uploads/documents/IS19_Partners_of_Adoptees_201006052.pdf[/url]
This is a link to Jigsaw who are situated in Western Australia and they might be your best bet:
[url=http://www.jigsaw.org.au/our-services/]Our Services Adoption Jigsaw[/url]
Good luck and let us know how you go. You sound like a very caring young man.
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Piz
To sum it up basically i want to know how to get her to come to terms with herself and what makes her,her. She is amazing and i love her to bits but i don't want to keep dealing with issues to do with extreme sensitivity.
:
Wow. That doesn't sound fun at all! :D
There is nothing you can do to "get her to come to terms with herself". She's the only person who can save herself from herself, and it doesn't sound like she's interested in the job at this time. She's a teenager, which is probably a large part of it.
For her: Have you asked her what she could do now to make her situation better for herself? What is she doing to come to terms with her situation in order to make her life happier in the future (since she won't like the outcome of the road she's on now)?
For you: Have you asked yourself what kind of relationship you want, shared your thoughts with her, and asked her to respond? Are you satisfied with her response?
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TXHopeful1
Wow. That doesn't sound fun at all! :D
There is nothing you can do to "get her to come to terms with herself". She's the only person who can save herself from herself, and it doesn't sound like she's interested in the job at this time. She's a teenager, which is probably a large part of it.
For her: Have you asked her what she could do now to make her situation better for herself? What is she doing to come to terms with her situation in order to make her life happier in the future (since she won't like the outcome of the road she's on now)?
For you: Have you asked yourself what kind of relationship you want, shared your thoughts with her, and asked her to respond? Are you satisfied with her response?
I am with you. you should firstly put a right position between your relationship and share your thought with her, ask her what is her misgiving and other similar things.
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