Autism and Early Intervation groups

Let me preface this response by saying it is based upon nothing other than my own experience with my son on the spectrum. Looking back, before he was officially diagnosed at age 3, I wish I would have followed my gut a lot more and erred on the side of love, not what others told me, more. I think if you feel that something is wrong with this child, whether or not his behavior is typical/expected/age appropriate, you should follow your gut as his mom. Since you aren't for sure what is going on at this point, if you want to go pick him up and tell the teachers you are going to stay with him until he's more comfortable, do it. My son on the spectrum was no where close to or able to separate from me at age 2 and, once I understood that, for him, I think things went better. But, it didn't last forever. By age 4, he was able to be away from me for longer periods of time and now, at 6, he goes to school all day without too much fuss at all. Good luck to you! He's lucky to have a mom that is thinking and caring about him like your post says you are.

Thank you so much for your reply. I will not put pressure on him to stay at the group without me, I will go with what my heart tells me. Next week I have a Behavior Analist board certified help me with this issue, he does have ABA 20 hours week. I think people think " average child " and that they have all the answers, well what is average anyway? Sometimes the experts just can't get you or your child at all. Again thank you so much, it gives me hope knowing your child is doing well, our miracles are loving smart children. Sincerly Isabel

I'm not quite sure I follow. Are you saying he cries to he point of triggering a seizure? If not, I would leave. I found with LG that tantrums CAN'T work. Throwing a trantrum can never achieve his desired goal----or he will use tantrums all day every day. More, you need time to get out and he also needs to time to be away from you. Autistic children are isolated by their disorder, but when we give in in order to avoid a tantrum we add to their isolation. I know someone that will not take her child out to events, because he might tantrum. Trust me, LG can have a total tantrum, complete with bloodcurdling screams, banging his head, biting himself, pinching, biting anyone/animal in range----but because that doesn't work the frequency has decreased dramatically. (BTW it was almost as bad as before after he was reunified for a few months. When he came back, he was back to being the little boy flapping in the corner and tantruming when he had to go out.) With that decrease, he loves going out and about. So anyway, I wouldn't give into to it. If you have ease into staying away by first getting him settled then leaving for a little more time each time, it would still be in his interests. BTW I'm not sure I know many two years old that are great at sitting still. Its something that has to be learned....and if he's not getting exposed, he can't learn. If he can cry and get you not to leave, he can't be exposed.

He cries and does a lot of other noises, but he does not get seizures there, at least never did so far, my confusion is: are we really helping when we leave them? I'm not sure because some kids are just not ready at 2 but they are fine at 3 or 4, is it really necessairy to force the separation at 2 or alow the child to mature and do it at 3 or 4. I'm looking for what is best for him, and i do not know what that is.

I guess it depends. If it is a tantrum, and the tantrums work, there will never be a time when he is ok. And, sometimes tantrums aren't so much about the child, but the parent's need to feel needed. Meaning sometimes the adult doesn't want the separation and takes the easy path. From my point of view, this is a safe controlled environment with people who can handle a tantrum. I would view it as a great opportunity for him to learn. After all, there may come times where you have to separate, that aren't safe controlled environments.

What you say makes sense, but how many kids come from bios that had numerous hospitalizations during childwood for mental issues, that is one thing that is very scary to me what if extra stress at this age can bring the mental issues that plages his bioparents, belive me it looks like they have most disoders known to man.

I'd guess quite lot. Autism in offspring is reported to be statistically higher for mother's with bipolar. LG, for instance, comes from a home with domestic violence and addiction issues with at least one parenting having a mental and nervous diagnosis.

I hear what ladyjubilee is saying, but I would still say every child is different and you need to do what you think is best since you are his mom. Also, I know in the case of my son, he also had issues with attachment (we had him assessed for problems with attachment, that was helpful as well) that were obviously separate from his ASD diagnosis but greatly impacted his ability not only to separate from us but also to rebound and respond appropriately to us after a period of separation. So, with our kids (speaking of those who have adopted) I think attachment issues may also come in to play. I personally don't think most 2 year olds are manipulative- I think they are pretty straight forward in expressing what they need, they just do it with actions and not with words. So, again, don't listen to any of us on the board, take us all with a grain of salt. We all have different children and different perspectives. You can't go wrong following your gut!

Thank you, both. With adoted children the risk is greatter for a lot of reasons, but there are many children with wonderfull parents (biological), with no drugs or mental issues and have children in the spectrum and with all kinds of other issues as well, so it is hard to undrestand why there are so many kids in the spectrum. With Our adopted children it is difficult because of what we know, that is not good at all . As for my litlle man I will let him go to group I may leave for 15 minutes but i will be outside the door if the crying is excessive i will pick him up, if he continues i will just plain leave. I'm a full time mother by choice,it will be great if in the future he will have no anxiety when away from me and that is my goal, but i think is good to see that my children can atach to me and i'm not just a caregiver to them. I hope this is the correct way to go about it, but only the future will tell. Thank you so much this is a great place full of special caring people. Isabel

Two is early regardless of whether he is autistic or not. Temper tantrums shouldn't get them what they want or it would be continuous, but being afraid of being left alone at two is a pretty standard response and quite different than throwing a fit over a toy. We used to have a rule that we would sit in the room until our child dismissed us. It annoyed people that wanted the parents to leave, but we didn't interrupt him and didn't interfere with what was going on. Once he was confident, he would say good-bye or wave. We did this all the way through 5yo. Once we gave him control over the situation it seemed to lessen the anxiety. That said, people would come over and tell us to leave, tell us we were making it worse, lecture on how best to leave or "sneak out". We held our ground, lectured them right back on the merits of "sneaking out", asked them how we were making it worse if he was interacting with the program and not us, and asked if they wanted to refund money for the program. No one ever did offer to give money back they just stalked off:) Every kid is different and every situation is different, so if you think you need to stay, tell them and stay even if it is off to the side. This may take years, but over time the amount of time you need to stay will shorten:)