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I am well into middle age, but it took me this long to get over all my issues, and realize, hell yeah, I would like to know about my genetic relatives. I registered with the NY State Dept of Health registry, but all they could give me was birth parent ages. Next on someone's advice I went to the main branch of the public library in NYC to search the birth certificate index. I allocated an afternoon for this, but had no idea what to expect. Could I get through it in one afternoon? I had a hope that it would at least be divided by county, and I had a clue as to which of the five boroughs I was born in. Would it have parents' names? Well here is the story. The birth index is sorted by baby last name, period, so I had to look through every 1969 birth in all of New York City. At first I thought I'd just go home. But it was 100 degrees outside, and nice and comfortable in the library, so, what the heck, I opened the book. (Maybe 2,000 pages, in 2 volumes.) Starting at "A" felt depressing so I felt lucky and started at my current (married) surname which begins with "S." I got from there to the end. Then I started back at the beginning of Volume 2 with the L's and got through the Q's and a few R's by the time they kicked me out. Guess I should have started at "A" after all because I didn't find it. I DID determine this: - My original last name is somewhere in that book. - I was definitely born in the Bronx. - My last name did not begin with T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z, L, M, N, O, P, or Q. I will go back. It's in there. Sometimes I would find a birth on my birthdate with a b.c. ID number SO close to mine. This is what confirms it was the Bronx: numbers very close to mine were all Bronx. The listings are like this: SMITH MARY 01 02 9 JONES JOHN 12345 X Where SMITH MARY is baby name 01 02 9 is d.o.b in MM DD Y form JONES is mom's maiden name first 5 chars JOHN is pop's given name first 5 chars X is a code designating borough Many entries, alas, have no mom name, and/or no pop name, and sometimes just FEMALE or MALE for baby given name. Considering that (and the fact you only get 5 characters), finding parents' names is no longer high on my confidence level. But MY original last name IS in there. I actually WANT to go back to NY now. Strangely I got more and more focused as the 4 hours went on. At first I was eyeballing a lot of names, entertaining myself by greeting the babies who were not me with lines like "Hmm, guess I am not Pedro Martinez..." and "Oh no, I've come to the WONG page!" By 5:30 PM though I was scanning that column of D.O.B without any eye strays at all.
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Congratulations! I saw your post on NYadoptees and didn't realize it was you. I think you can trust Priscilla and Joan and the other ladies over there. I posted my real name and birthdate many times and nothing ever happened. Give it to them privately if you don't want to post it publicly. Classmates.com is good for finding someone using their birthdate and maiden name, if they registered. And look up your last name on FB and see if you can find any women named Floris from the Bronx that are the correct age. My birthmom had her maiden name on FB. That's all I can think of right now. Talk to the NYAdoptee ladies. I'm sure they can give you more ideas.
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Things have moved very quickly. nyadoptees gave me a full report. There is strong evidence that my biomother is a woman who died in 2005. I have some contact information for other Florises in the Bronx. I have a yearbook picture for a Floris who looks like me. It gives me pause to think my biomother died in her mid-50s. What if it was something highly genetic? Do I want to know? I've only had all this information in front of me for a day, so I need more time to digest. I suppose I should contact one of her relatives before they all croak too. I am nervous.
TaniaS
Things have moved very quickly. nyadoptees gave me a full report. There is strong evidence that my biomother is a woman who died in 2005. I have some contact information for other Florises in the Bronx. I have a yearbook picture for a Floris who looks like me. It gives me pause to think my biomother died in her mid-50s. What if it was something highly genetic? Do I want to know? I've only had all this information in front of me for a day, so I need more time to digest. I suppose I should contact one of her relatives before they all croak too. I am nervous.
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It's better to know so that if you have symptoms of what she died of you can act on them before it's too late. Or who knows, maybe she had an accident or something not genetic. I'm so sorry that she might be gone before you got a chance to meet her. Take your time and when you're ready then contact them so you will know. Personally I think it's better to know one way or another than spend your life wondering. I may never find out my father's medical history and I'm always wondering what if cancer ran in his family, or heart disease. I've already had heart issues and wonder if they had to do with him. And then I wonder if he's still alive and how long people on his side live because they don't seem to live past 70 on my mother's side. Good luck!
But all my life, I've known nothing about my family medical history. And I've been healthy as a horse. And I've been able to harbor the wonderful illusion that I really AM healthy as a horse and will live to 100. Yeah, yeah, eventually I will call, and learn the truth, because it is what it is. But some of you probably understand the appeal of continuing to reap the rewards of believing any **** thing I want to believe, like that I will be healthy as a horse for another 50+ years...
TaniaS
But all my life, I've known nothing about my family medical history. And I've been healthy as a horse. And I've been able to harbor the wonderful illusion that I really AM healthy as a horse and will live to 100. Yeah, yeah, eventually I will call, and learn the truth, because it is what it is. But some of you probably understand the appeal of continuing to reap the rewards of believing any **** thing I want to believe, like that I will be healthy as a horse for another 50+ years...
TaniaS
But all my life, I've known nothing about my family medical history. And I've been healthy as a horse. And I've been able to harbor the wonderful illusion that I really AM healthy as a horse and will live to 100. Yeah, yeah, eventually I will call, and learn the truth, because it is what it is. But some of you probably understand the appeal of continuing to reap the rewards of believing any **** thing I want to believe, like that I will be healthy as a horse for another 50+ years...
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I know what you mean Tania. I was very tempted to pretend I never found the papers that alluded to the fact that I was adopted and go on my merry way pretending everything was good and I wasn't adopted. But I couldn't because it wasn't the truth. What if down the road you get a disease that could have been cured early if you know your background and had screenings, like colon cancer or breast cancer? Then you might wish that you knew that it ran in your family. Like I said, she may have died from something that wasn't genetic. Could have been a car accident or something. Try not to worry and when you are ready you should really find out the truth, for your sake and for your kids if you have any.
I spoke to my biological aunt tonight. My biomother died of complicaitons from diabetes. (This is a relief - diabetes is preventable.) So the search story ends, at least on the maternal side. Nobody in the family can remember the biofather's name. Unless my biomother's widowed husband knows, this information will probably always remain a mystery. I would like to thank lostgirl for encouraing me to use the 'nyadoptees' yahoo group. I can't believe how quickly they put all the pieces together. I also can't quite believe I just spoke to my first biological relative, ever. I definitely have a lot of processing to do.
TaniaS
I spoke to my biological aunt tonight. My biomother died of complicaitons from diabetes. (This is a relief - diabetes is preventable.) So the search story ends, at least on the maternal side. Nobody in the family can remember the biofather's name. Unless my biomother's widowed husband knows, this information will probably always remain a mystery. I would like to thank lostgirl for encouraing me to use the 'nyadoptees' yahoo group. I can't believe how quickly they put all the pieces together. I also can't quite believe I just spoke to my first biological relative, ever. I definitely have a lot of processing to do.
Wow Tania, that was quick! I'm so sorry your mother died, but glad that it is something that can kind of be prevented. Like you, I'll probably never know who my father is either. My mother won't tell me. All I know is a possible first name. Caths, yeah I wish everyone's DNA was on record too. I did test my DNA with FTDNA and so far it doesnt look like any hits on my father's side. I have 47 "cousins" but they are mostly English and Irish, none Italian as I was told my father is. I think it was worth it though, because as more people test, you never know that one turns up. Also, when I contact my "cousins" to ask them to share what they know about their family tree, I tell them who I'm looking for and where he lived. You never know somebody might know something.
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you should post a profile on adoptionconnect.com. I had almost no info about my birth siblings and a search angel on that site found them within 24 hours! I was born in NYC in 1983 closed sealed adoption so I know how it feels to not get any info. Check out that site, you never know it may help! you just need to post a very detailed profile like I did and then they can help you. :)
TaniaS
I am well into middle age, but it took me this long to get over all my issues, and realize, hell yeah, I would like to know about my genetic relatives. I registered with the NY State Dept of Health registry, but all they could give me was birth parent ages. Next on someone's advice I went to the main branch of the public library in NYC to search the birth certificate index. I allocated an afternoon for this, but had no idea what to expect. Could I get through it in one afternoon? I had a hope that it would at least be divided by county, and I had a clue as to which of the five boroughs I was born in. Would it have parents' names? Well here is the story. The birth index is sorted by baby last name, period, so I had to look through every 1969 birth in all of New York City. At first I thought I'd just go home. But it was 100 degrees outside, and nice and comfortable in the library, so, what the heck, I opened the book. (Maybe 2,000 pages, in 2 volumes.) Starting at "A" felt depressing so I felt lucky and started at my current (married) surname which begins with "S." I got from there to the end. Then I started back at the beginning of Volume 2 with the L's and got through the Q's and a few R's by the time they kicked me out. Guess I should have started at "A" after all because I didn't find it. I DID determine this: - My original last name is somewhere in that book. - I was definitely born in the Bronx. - My last name did not begin with T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z, L, M, N, O, P, or Q. I will go back. It's in there. Sometimes I would find a birth on my birthdate with a b.c. ID number SO close to mine. This is what confirms it was the Bronx: numbers very close to mine were all Bronx. The listings are like this: SMITH MARY 01 02 9 JONES JOHN 12345 X Where SMITH MARY is baby name 01 02 9 is d.o.b in MM DD Y form JONES is mom's maiden name first 5 chars JOHN is pop's given name first 5 chars X is a code designating borough Many entries, alas, have no mom name, and/or no pop name, and sometimes just FEMALE or MALE for baby given name. Considering that (and the fact you only get 5 characters), finding parents' names is no longer high on my confidence level. But MY original last name IS in there. I actually WANT to go back to NY now. Strangely I got more and more focused as the 4 hours went on. At first I was eyeballing a lot of names, entertaining myself by greeting the babies who were not me with lines like "Hmm, guess I am not Pedro Martinez..." and "Oh no, I've come to the WONG page!" By 5:30 PM though I was scanning that column of D.O.B without any eye strays at all.