5 year old keeps pooping himself, suggestions desperately needed

If you can, make him take as much responsibility for it as possible. Getting angry is not going to help, being upset, etc. If it's RAD related, that's only going to fuel the fire. If it's related to anxiety or other emotional issues, being upset or angry is not going to help that, either. I'm not sure that being punitive about pottying issues is ever that successful? Pooping/peeing is not something you can control for someone else, so (IMO) it's a bit futile to try, or to get upset about it. Be matter of fact. "Oh, look. You didn't potty in the toilet. Time for you to get that cleaned up", and then give him the tools to do that. A bag for the soiled clothes, a quick rinse off shower (if necessary), and Lysol Wipes or Clorox Wipes (there's no bleach in either of those) and have him wipe down any seepage. At age 5 you will likely have to do it with him, but he can likely do quite a bit of it without direct hands on assistance.Do talk with the therapist or the psych about it. If he wasn't doing this and started doing this, it's an indicator of Something going on. If he's never consistently done pottying in the toilet, that may be different. Lots to consider and discuss with the pediatrician and psych therapy team

I am absolutely no expert in this since I've been struggling through this as well. I think (keep my fingers crossed) that we may have gotten somewhere. While I was reading some of the background materials I realized that my dd was left in soiled clothes, bed, mom may have been soiled, etc. The smell was actually comforting to her- SO when she was stressed she peed in her pants to have a comforting smell. No matter how much we spoke about being big, using the toilet, her cleaning herself up, etc I couldn't overcome this small fact. So I started using aromatherapy to replace a comforting smell with a new one. (Might be harder with a boy - but think about it). DD is 5.5 and I had her select a smell that she liked. Turned out to be rose. I now use rose in her bath, lotion, oil diffuser at night, and I have a natural stick perfume that I put on her before going to camp. She likes the smell and I think we are slowly replacing the "pee" smell as being a comfort smell. This was by far the hardest thing to overcome. I have no idea if this is what worked, or she just decided to stop, but we have had no "accidents" for 1 month.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I agree with Barksum - try not to get angry. We dealt with this last year when DS was 4. I ground my teeth so much in anger that my jaw hurt. Is there a pattern to the pooping? Like do certain situations set him off? We found out it happened when DS was trying to control a situation he did not like - me taking an evening job. He didn't want me to leave at 5 pm and would pee or poop on cue every time he saw me getting ready for work. He also does it unintentionally whenever he laughs too hard. It's like he doesn't have control of his muscles and laughing hard makes him pee. But if intentional or unintentional, we make him remove the soiled clothes, clean up the mess (as best he can) and go get new clothes on. I always keep spare clothes in the glovebox. Save your energy and try not to react. I know it's pretty gross though - especially if pee runs down into his shoes or onto someone's carpet.. Ugh! Rachael

I have a 12 year old like that. :) We've always made him clean up after himself. In the last 6 months or so he has mostly been peeing himself rather than pooping. Historically he has done whichever was easier on him under our current cleanup policies. At the moment he is back into diapers (Depends) at night to cut down on the pressure and avoid some anger problems. Of course he has to pay for the diapers. That's not very helpful, I know. Not very encouraging either. We'll have to think over that aromatherapy idea.

I have heard others having good luck relacing the smell too. If you go somewhere like a bath and body store and let them pick a new scent and then look for things in that scent, hand soap, body soap, shampoos, lotions, hand sanitizer, etc. Air fresheners, etc. That might help. There are some that are not too girly that would be fine for a guy.

This has been a come and go, come and go sorta problem with my now 8yo since he arrived here at 4. Seems to resurface when things change (getting out of school for the summer, for example). I've learned that the best way to lessen the behavior is to be completely calm about it and tell him to clean up (obviously at 8 he's a bit more capable than at 5, but at 5 he could do a pretty good job). He has to clean out his clothes in the toilet, clean himself in the tub and then scrub down the tub. He doesn't get a nice warm shower as a reward either-- the water is luke-warm/cool and is just running out of the tub facet. This summer when it's been hot and he's pulled it a couple times I've sent him outside in the backyard with the hose to clean his clothes and get the chunks off so he isn't stinking up the bathtub. In our case this is clearly RAD/control behavior with a heavy emphasis on seeing if he can get a rise out of me. Hence, the calm approach has probably made the most difference for us.

To the OP......are you sure the child isn't being sexually molested or abused during visits? I ask this, because this is exactly what was happening to a fs we had many years ago. The child finally told us what was going on; we were TOLD the vists were being supervised---except when the child went to the bathroom.....the cw'er allowed the bios to take the child to the bathroom BY THEMSELVES! (I know........finally someone listened!!!!!!!!!!) The next comment is about the above post. We had an older adopted child (disrupted) who did the same thing...wet his pants...well beyond the age of 8yrs...hid the wet pants in the closet/drawers, etc...anywhere he could smell them. We found out he had been left in dirty diapers (Possibly the previous foster home...lots of problems there, believe me).....and it must have been comforting to him. (Later, he admitted it was comforting....(sigh)) I think the replacement smell is such a good suggestion. Personally, we'd have never thought of this .....but I can clearly see how it must help! And, FWIW, the child we had DID stop (for the most part).....after we quit getting uptight about it........ Good luck. I know how it is for an older kid to wet his pants. At least at 5yrs....it's not THAT uncommon....... Sincerely, Linny

At least he is only five. I have a nine year old that has been pooping since he was three. The doctors, therapists, and all others have giving advice and we have tried a lot of different things and nothing works. Hopefully he will out grow it. it is best not to react angry because that will only make it worst. If he is on medicaid and his doctor may give him a prescription for pull ups. my son doctor did. Some days he will not poop on himself and we let him wear underwears. We have to constantly remimd him to go to the bathroom. He is ADHD and RAD. We see a pattern that he mostly spoiled his clothes when he can not have his way. I hope he will out grow it before he gets nine. Our son has been with us less then a year. I am praying as time goes on that he will out grow spoiling his clothes.