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I recently received some information about my birth mom from my adoptive mother. I have her name, address, phone number and I also found her on Face book. She is now married and I highly doubt her husband knows about me due to her age at my birth. I was wondering if anybody had any thoughts on the best way to contact her. I don't want to cause problems in her existing marriage by calling so I have already ruled that out. I have read on some posts that some birth moms don't wish contact or don't want to communicate. I guess I want to roll the dice and contact her seeing as though I have 2 kids and I would want to meet them if one of them had been adopted.I have also found her brother and sister on Face Book, who when she was preg. old enough to know what was going on. I was wondering if anybody had any thoughts on contacting either of them to see if she even wants to meet me or get her email so I can contact her.
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the only pic i have of her is from her wedding announcement. I haven't sent any of me yet, i'm in the process of loosing a whole bunch of weight so i'm a little self conscious about pictures. Once she tells her family about me, (her husband and parents know, but her siblings and her kids don't.) She is going to send some pics and she wants some pics of me and my fam.
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Make sure you explain why you are shy of sending pictures...but I bet she would like at least a picture of your face... Great to have another incentive to meeting your goals. It takes a lot of will power to stick to it day after day but the reward is worth it in so many different ways. Good for you. I think there is a weight-loss support thread on the AP forum and most likely they would be happy for your to join them. Support makes the journey easier especially when it is one day at a time. Kind regards,Dickons
Dickons
Give yourself a couple of days to think about it and then send her a quick email and say - I don't know what I am supposed to call you - in my mind I have always called you mom - is that okay with you?
Starting off being honest and somewhat vulnerable is not a bad way to start a relationship.
Kind regards,
Dickons
Mine were just fine because they were secure in who they were and who we were as a family. But I have come to find out my family is different than many are. They had reached out and found a siblings family years before and then when I needed it mom petitioned the courts for me. Many families have the mindset that they should be enough and/or were told a good like ensure you would never question. Some are very insecure about it. If you get the opposite of mine then you will need to figure out what works - not bringing it up all the time - making sure your current relationship stays at the same level - some know their family well enough that they don't tell until they are ready simply because the impact would be too much. What's up with you - have you or are you telling and how do you think they will react? Kind regards,Dickons
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Dickons,
I'm not sure how they will react. I think my mom will take it better than my dad, however I haven't had a great relationship with my father either. Half of me think that they already know that she has been contacted simply due to things I have done or said in the past. I guess the even bigger question is how I will take it. As you know, my head is in a million places right now, and I feel extremely venerable (which is normal I have read.) I guess I should figure out what I want out of our relationship, before I get my aparents involved. I guess in the perfect world we would have a normal mother/ son relationship. Maybe we will, maybe we won't. I guess that since my bmom is willing to sit down with her children and her siblings and tell them about me. I guess its not too much to sit down and tell my aparents about her.
Give yourself some breathing space. You don't have to worry about telling them right this second. Down the road is soon enough and you will find the right time. Take the time like you said to figure out what type of a relationship you want. Would you want the type that would be weekly contact - monthly - couple of times a year. That really boils down to what your relationships are like now... I am not a super social person so I would not want anything that committed me to weekly get togethers - it would put too much pressure on me. Every couple of months sure getting together. You know what I mean? How often do you see your friends, family, etc and think about how you feel. You guys may not even click right away (or ever) - that is a possiblity and you only want a distanced keep in touch relationship to start. Just breathe and go with the flow to start with and it will sort itself out. Time to go fix dinner... Kind regards,Dickons
I am also in the early stages of reunion with my birthmother (my case worker from LSS spoke with her on the phone and sent her my first letter this Monday - August 15th). The beginning of my letter to her was, "Hi Birth Mom, Oh, how wonderful it is to put those words on paper!"
I would like to wish firemedicjoe and JKing1118 the VERY BEST with their reunions. If you want to chat with a fellow "early stager", let me know :0)
Warmly, Ready
Ready4BMom,
I hope all goes well contacting your mother. I know the waiting process sucks. My first conversation with my mother was wonderful, as I'm sure your's will be. However, I haven't talked to her in over a week but I am sure she is busy. Keep the Faith, good luck and keep us posted
Joe
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firemedicjoe
Is it wrong to be nervous about doing this?
I spoke with my bmom last week and when we spoke she told me to call her anytime. I sent her an email last Tuesday asking her to call me and nothing. I put a read receipt on it so i know she got it. Should I give her more time or send her another one? Maybe my head is just playing games with me. I guess my question is how long should i wait?
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I may be facing the same situation soon.
My plan is to either send a letter or an e-mail .
Say hello and "the last time we were together was on (enter birthdate)
If you want further contact e-mail me at: whatever@a.com.
I figure I have to go very gently.
Art