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I'm not sure if I am meddling. I certainly didn't mean to...at least not this much. Here's where it started. My DS's BF had a son with a girl before he met me. He was about a year and a half when DS was born. She brought him to the hospital and I haven't seen him since, but she and I corresponded a couple of times. Well, I sent her a message on FB and she finally responded. We have been texting and talking on the phone all week. I really set out to see how her son was doing and if he knew anything about DS. In the conversations all week, I got to hear about what an awful, almost entirely absent father BF has been. He lived down the block from her for a year and never visited their son. Then, I found out he had two kids with his ex-wife. Same situation. Basically not there. I found them on FB. BF's other son looked miserable.So, on one hand it helps to reaffirm my decision to give up DS. Even though I feel sad for BF's other kids, it relieves some of my guilt. On the other hand, it makes reunion sooo much more complicated and more potentially overwhelming for DS. I really don't want him to get hurt. But I can only control what I do. I can't control what is said about BF.I am going to contact DS at some point in the near future. I guess, I am thinking I need to take some notes now but really avoid telling him too much. I think it will be okay to say, "this what I know" (eg. names, phone number, address, basic stuff). BF and I are two different people, living completely different lives, and I want nothing to do with him. But I want to avoid BF bashing. I think DS will, eventually, see for himself what the truth is?So, how do I pull back from BF's first babymama? Maybe I should just tell her I'll let her know if I find anything? I don't want to intentionally start anything with BF's family. I don't want them anywhere near me.
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The birthfather of my son went on to have 5 more children with 3 other women and walked out on all of them either before the children were born or when the children were a year or two old. He has no relationship with any of his children. When I found this out, I knew I had made the right decision in placing my son for adoption because I wanted him to have a stable, two parent home. When I got in contact with my son I just gave him his birthfather's name and contact info. I told him he had bio siblings and gave him their ages and names. He will figure out what type of man his birthfather is in his own time. Good luck in whatever you decide to do in your situation.
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