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Hi all, Hope I am posting in right forum, if not do not mind if you point me in right direction. I am a 30 y.o single woman who will begin my PRIDE classes next week. I have PCOS and did 2 IUIS w/ DS and it didn't work so I decided to try this route. I was really hoping to foster to adopt but CT doesn't have dual licenses so I have to either decide whether I want to foster and hope a child that I am fostering comes up for adoption or wait and hope I am matched with a child. I am looking for a sibling group. I would prefer a newborn and a child up to age 8 or so. I passed the initial home visit and was told I had plenty of room. It's just me and I own my own home. I have a masters in social work and have worked in the field so I am looking forward to this process and hope it doesnt take too long. I am still trying to make the decision whether I want to adopt or foster but all I know is I would like to share my life with children and I have the means to do so. Only thing I am hesitant about fostering is I get attached quite easily and would have a difficult time letting go so I am leaning towards the adoption route. Any input or advice would be greatly appreciated and I hope to learn a lot of from you all.
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Wow! There's a lot in your post! It's so fun and exciting to be in your position- you should enjoy PRIDE. My husband and I are only one step in front of you- we're waiting for our license and 1st placement. I know that the "attach/de-attach" thing is hard to even think about, let alone do. I do know that with attachment, the better the initial attachment, the better the subsequent attachments will be. You should learn in PRIDE the reasons behind that. So, if you get a kid, you should work to attach to them- for their sake. Then, whether they go back home or to another family, they'll be able to attach to that family better because of the work you've done with them. Hope that made sense. Now, I have to go finish my baby registry on Toy-R-Us.com ;)
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Congrats on passing the home inspection part :) PRIDE was interesting and very informative. We've been foster parents for 2 years now. We are on our 10th placement. We are also in the process of an international adoption. So we are going both routes. Both are very very emotional. Our 2nd placement was a 2 month old sweetie whose mom had left her at hospital & noone knew who dad was. They placed her as a foster to adopt. We were beyond happy & thought of her as our daughter. After she had been with us for a year an uncle came out of nowhere and said he wanted to adopt her. 3 months later we were saying goodbye as she boarded a plane. It is hard, I too get attached so easily! However, I try to remember that there are so many kids who need a home and a "momma" even for that short time. We just had siblings who left after being here a year and again my heart broke. But as I sit here with our newest placement a 6mth old who has attachment issues I remember why we do foster care. So we will continue on & wait for another little one to come up for foster to adopt :)
Thanks so much. Yeah I am still on the line about foster and adoption. I did my physical yday and not too much problem except my weight which I knew but I am working on it. My friend gave me sound advice and said it is up to me in the end. Someone always has an opinion but its my life and I decide. This was after I asked another friend about baby showers for foster care/adoptive parents and she said it was tacky and unnecessary (my friends aren't the most sensitive). So I can't wait for the classes next week and then the joruney it brings me on after.
I would recommend fostering with the hope that a child comes up for adoption. I say that because you probably won't fall in love with every child that comes to you, so de-taching won't be very difficult each time. Not to be unkind to foster kids, but the fact is (and you'll soon see what I mean) raising someone else's kids who come to you with heavy damage of all sorts is one of the most toughest thing you will ever do. Some kids can't accept or give love no matter what you do and they take great delight in upsetting the status quo every where they go. I've had some that I felt like saying "Don't let the door hitcha where the good Lord splitcha!" And we let out a big sigh of relief when they left. Then there are others, you would love to keep forever. And a chosen few will get to stay forever! For me, I would not like taking a child and committing to adoption (unless it was a newborn) right away. Often, it takes at least 6 months to see whether it's a good fit or not. People argue that since we can't take biological kids "on a trial run", we shouldn't need to do this with adopted kids. True... in a perfect world. Fact is, foster/adopted kids have issues that may or may not work with your family. Especially the older age-groups. Good luck on your journey! I wish you the very best!
StephanieMB
I would recommend fostering with the hope that a child comes up for adoption. I say that because you probably won't fall in love with every child that comes to you, so de-taching won't be very difficult each time. Not to be unkind to foster kids, but the fact is (and you'll soon see what I mean) raising someone else's kids who come to you with heavy damage of all sorts is one of the most toughest thing you will ever do. Some kids can't accept or give love no matter what you do and they take great delight in upsetting the status quo every where they go. I've had some that I felt like saying "Don't let the door hitcha where the good Lord splitcha!" And we let out a big sigh of relief when they left. Then there are others, you would love to keep forever. And a chosen few will get to stay forever! For me, I would not like taking a child and committing to adoption (unless it was a newborn) right away. Often, it takes at least 6 months to see whether it's a good fit or not. People argue that since we can't take biological kids "on a trial run", we shouldn't need to do this with adopted kids. True... in a perfect world. Fact is, foster/adopted kids have issues that may or may not work with your family. Especially the older age-groups. Good luck on your journey! I wish you the very best!
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Maybe it is tacky to do a baby shower for foster care but I'm having two of them! We don't have any other kids, and there is a lot of "stuff" needed to raise a kid. Even if they just gave you a "gift card" shower- I think it's an important way for your friends and relatives to show you that they support what you're doing.We've waited nine weeks for our lisence so far- which has to be the hardest part of the application process. Filling out the paperwork at least made me feel like we were doing something and getting somewhere. Waiting is killing me!