my son went nuts! :'(

LadyBee - This might seem really harsh but the thing is you haven't been honest with her at all. You refused to answer her when she asked about her father and now at 16 she finds out that she was adopted. You totally shattered her world and her trust. Didn't you have to take any classes? The only advice I can offer you is to find a therapist who specializes in adoption. Dickons

I am confused. Your post is title "My son went nuts" but you are discussing your daughter? You state that your raised your daughter all by yourself with the help of relatives and friends? But that is by yourself? You state that you were honest with her since you "got her" but would never answer questions about her father? You were honest with her but didn't tell her she was adopted? I'm sorry, but I am confused.

I wonder if your daughter (or son???) would benefit from joining this site. Maybe posting in the adoptee sections and discussing his or her feelings with other people who have experienced similar things might help to sort out some of the complex feelings he/she must be feeling. A counselor who specializes in these things could also help.

Like the others, I'm confused whether you're talking about a son or a daughter. While you talk about a daughter, your thread's title says that (s)he is a son. If this is really happening, I'm not surprised a 16-year-old girl is acting out at school. How would you feel if the rug was suddenly yanked out from beneath you? Everything that was "normal" in her life has been turned upside down by not finding out until now that she was adopted. I imagine she might have some trust issues with you at this time. She should have been told years ago, in my opinion. Have you sought out a therapist who has experience in dealing with adoption-related issues? It might be a good idea to at least arrange a consultation with a professional.

ohh.. sorry about that.. i was reading something about a parent experiencing the same thing with his son..the topic should have been MY DAUGHTER WENT NUTS..

yes.. i raised her all by my self meaning she has no father figure.. and i cant take care of her 24/7 thats where friends and relatives help.. but im the one who really supports her everyday needs.. i was honest, but not totally specially on the FATHER topic.. and i didnt know how to tell her about her being adopted..

Thanks for the clarifications. Like I said, I was confused.

I am still confused, because you say on the one hand that you have always been honest with her, but on the other hand you admit that you never told her that she is adopted. I'm sure you love your daughter, however if you kept from her the true story of who she is and where she came from, then you most certainly have not been honest with her.I agree with Dickons that the best thing you can do is to find a therapist for her who is sensitive to adoption issues. I will go one step further and say that in an ideal world you would both seek therapy - individually as well as together. Clearly you have never been educated about the best way to handle adoption with your daughter, nor have you been educated on the many practical and emotional challenges that can result from being adopted and how to help her navigate them. Better late than never. Learn about it now!If you can't afford therapy for her have her see a school counselor. If you can't afford therapy for yourself get a library card and check out all the adoption-related books you can find. I wish you and your daughter luck.

As an adoptive mom I'm a bit taken a back. I have a 17 year old girl so I know what it's like to raise a teen. You say you were honest with her but you weren't you never told her she was adopted and you choose one of the most volatile times in her life to tell her. Why is still beyond my ability to comprehend. Either way the damage is done now. You MUST MUST seek counseling and I agree with the above poster you should BOTH see someone. You do need to research adoption issues and you need to have an honest conversation with your daughter admit your mistake and why you just didn't find an appropriate time to tell her. Give her her whole history as much as you know and guilt is an emotion you need to deal with so is inappropriate behavior by your daughter. Not addressing it or ignoring it because you destroyed her world wont help her either. You need to continue to parent and admit your mistakes and help her make herself as whole as she can be again. I really wish you luck teens are hard enough, lied to teens are impossible at times. You've got your work cut out for you. Hopefully with help you'll get her back in to a good place.