How to respond?

Nevada Ayden is also ^ its amazing that HE himself is tired of hearing people say how cute he is, he always replies thank you and as we walk off he will say ma why do people always stop us like they have never seen a lil boy before its annoying and im so happy to hear him say that because i feel like he knows he is more den just gorgeous as they say

Madame Booboo, it sounds like you have had to deal with some things that most of us here haven't, regarding religion. I can see where that might complicate things even more. You also reminded me of some experiences we had in Germany. One time, I was talking to an older German woman and told her that both of my kids were just getting over chicken pox. She said, "Oh, that must be very difficult for you, to have to care for them, when they are not your own." I told her that they WERE my own. I handle things like that better, now, but I was very offended, at the time. When we adopted our third child, who was our first transracial adoption, the various people in the court room asked us how we got him. They wanted to know if we "asked the mother to have a look at the child". They were amazed when we told them that we had decided we wanted him without ever seeing him, like adopting a child was like buying a used car or something!I think, in general, adoption is accepted much better in America than in much of the world. I also think that 90% of the comments we get are kindly, or at least harmless. Many of the people who tell us how beautiful our children are probably loved having others say the same things to them when their own children were small. That is sure the case, with me. I comment on beautiful little ones all the time.

I get are they twins? All the time...I say no they are three months apart and then walk away or I say I adopted my two baby girls. My daughters are two now and I do not want them to hear the word adopted until I am ready to explain what it means. I have to think of a new line! My daughters are light skinned so they could pass for my own. I am white but my hubby is Puerto Rican so we could pass as bio-parents. I had a few questions asked where did you get them and I answered that all 4 of my children have a different Father. LOL it is true!!!!

I always answered that question with, "He's from Cincinnatti." What killed me was when they would come back with, "Really? He looks African." Yeah, I confused a two hour drive with an International flight (insert eye roll). Oak and others are right that you don't get as much comments/questions when the baby becomes a toddler.

I had someone ask if mine (full AA) was from Jamaica. I had an interesting encounter a couple months ago when a black lady came up to me in Toys R Us & asked if she was from the Caribbean, because she "doesn't look like an African American."

I had someone ask if mine (full AA) was from Jamaica. I had an interesting encounter a couple months ago when a black lady came up to me in Toys R Us & asked if she was from the Caribbean, because she "doesn't look like an African American."

It's so funny because sometimes it seems like people would love to think my kids are from Africa. Sometimes they almost insist, or give me the impression that they think I'm lying when I say they were born in Fl. I'm not trying to be discouraging, but I haven't had that much of a decrease in questions even though my oldest is 3. It may be due to the fact that I have 3 toddlers though. Marnie, I don't know what that's about. Were they Caribbean people? I had several different black people ask me about Selena and say "oh yes she looks haitian" in a very insulting and condescending way. They were all from the Caribbean. I think there is a stigma to some places especially Haiti. Jamaica though, really..... that is a place full of such varied people that I can't believe that there is a "look" that is Jamaican. Someone correct me if I'm wrong.

No, I'm pretty sure it was an AA woman from Milwaukee, she didn't say that she was Caribbean. She didn't sound condescending, just curious like she wanted to know. She probably wouldn't have asked if I was black. I've had people ask if she was adopted internationally too. It's like people don't know that you can adopt a healthy black baby from the US. And I shouldn't say just black babies, lots of people who adopt white babies get asked if their kids are from Russia.

We get the question every time we go out, "where did you get that red hair from?".Our AD is whiter than we are(CC/Heinz57) with flaming ginger red hair. My hair is brown and silver, DH shaves his and the teens have multicolors depending on the week. I just say, "from both sides of the family", because 1) it's true on her bio side, and 2) both DH and I have red heads in our family. Most of the time I think people are curious when they see an obvious difference in skin tone, but don't really know how to word it or talk to the parents in a supportive way. Some however are just rude. I'm a foster and adoptive parent. I have trouble approaching others who I think might also be F/A parents without coming off as rude, nosey or just stupid. I want to say something that brings us together because we do have a connection. Sometimes I just ask outright if they are a foster/adopt parent. Other times I just say what a cute kid. In response to the rude ones, I will say obvious answers like "she was born in Texas", or "God gave her that beautiful hair", etc. Whatever to I think they need to hear to stop the questions.

It is interesting. I have also had AA people insist that my daughter must be from Africa. My son certainly never received these remarks so I'm not sure if it is just that she is darker or what that makes her look more African than AAmerican. Curious

I got asked by a cashier what nationality my husband was (I was alone with J). DH said I should have just answered American and left it at that. I gave her a whole explanation though.

I got asked once if I went to Mexico or paid someone to smuggle my son into the country. OK, he is not Mexican but Polish (Romany blood gives him dark coloring). As for smuggling, I don't think so. Of course not as bad as the time I had my daughter on my hip in line at a fast food restaurant and a lady looking at her deformed legs asked me if I took drugs while I was pregnant.

It's funny, the older Cam gets, the less we get the intrusive questions. When we do get asked where we got her, I just reply the name of the city, and people just look dumb founded. I mean really, do we not grow our own beautiful children in this country? ;) Once, when someone tried to be clever, and ask about what her daddy looks like, I said "he's Moroccan". Rob walked up a minute later and the lady looked as if her head might explode...as Rob is about as lily-white as they come. Heh. She didn't need to know I was talking about Cam's first daddy....lol. :D

When Maire-Kate was a baby, an old woman with a cane came over to her carriage and say "Oh, what a beautiful....baby. Is the father" (and she looked around) and whispered "Black?". I dunno. I never met the guy. Another time a white cashier got mad at me because Maire-Kate (who was maybe a year old) had watermelon and she was making such a mess. It was dripping down her arms. And when I tried to take it, she cried. I said "She LOVES watermelon" and the cashier said "That is so racist". But it's true. She does love it. People would ask me where I got Angel. He was latino/asian and looked asian. I always said "Virginia".

My daughter loves watermelon too!