The Lie that cost me my children.

Hello, I am birth mother who has lost her children during a custody battle with the county then it was transferred over to the state. I lost my children 6 years ago due to a lie that I told the CPS about how my youngest daughter had a 3 day old bruise on the lower part of her back. The so called Financial Assistant worker showed up without calling or even sending a letter. The person who actually did it was a boyfriend that I was seeing off and on. He spanked her 3 days prior to me seeing the bruise. I was going to go after him before my oldest daughter pointed out the mark. But all in perspective I felt responsible for what had happen to my baby. I love all of my children with all of my heart. I was a young mother of 4 children. I had a nice job to where I can take my children to work with me. It was just me and my girls. I can't tell you their names but I can give their years they were born. My oldest daughter was born in 1996. I had dropped out of college to have her. Then 4 years later I had my second daughter in 2000. Then exactly 13 months later I had my third daughter in 2001. Then 14 months later I had my fourth daughter in 2002. I loved my children so much. I gave up twenties to have a family. But their fathers choose otherwise. In the beginning they wanted the children. But after the children were born and here they became a Ghost. I don't regret having my children but however I fought to the very last end. All in a short story my sister and her husband adopted the youngest girls. But the oldest is still with the state until just recently. The state has found her some adoptive parent. Which I am glad because it was for the best interest of the children. Because when the state got a hold of my case they had seen where the county had messed me over because I was a single black mother with 4 girls struggling on a Bus Driver wages. Which kept us a float. I know in my heart that I had did the best that I can with the situation and cards that was dealt to me. I was a result of being the ward of the courts. When it came to my growing up. I was a result of an actual Child Abuse/Neglect from my mother. So that when my grandmother step up and raised me from the age of 15 until I was 18 years old. I was seeing my children off and on. You know on holidays and birthdays when it came to my sister inviting me over. But now that has changed. She told me to keep my distance for awhile. One thing I am glad of is that my children know who I am and where to find me. They know I love them. Because when I was pregnant with them I had 3 choices in life is what my grandmother told me. 1. You can either have the baby and keep it. 2. You can either have the baby and give it up for adoption. 3. Or, You can either have an abortion. I chose the first option. But then now the second option has taken effect. It hurts to not be front and center watching the milestones of their life. I will miss their first highschool graduation, prom, homecoming, and all the fixings. I cry and stay up all night long. I live off of maybe 3 hours of sleep. I know shouldn't of lied but I was scared because I have never been in trouble before. I did do some college to have college credits. I hurt every day of my life because of my poor decision I have made. But now I take this life as a journey for which I don't know the outcome. Only God knows.