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We just went through a horrible failed adoption (signed with an adoption lawyer a year ago and supported the birthmother through 6 months of her pregnancy only to find out in August that she scammed us) and I am having such a hard time dealing with the fact that we are waiting to be matched, AGAIN... The thought that it might be months or more before we are matched again is driving me crazy. I know that there is no crystal ball, and it could happen in weeks too but I am having a really hard time not waiting for the phone to ring. I think I am still grieving the loss of this last situation, but I am really sad alot of the time. I am keeping myself busy, etc but there is always this part of me that aches, and longs for a lgiht at the end of the tunnel. A knowledge that the baby is coming. Any suggestions on how you have gotten through this part? It wasn't so bad when we first signed with the lawyer becuase we were busy with the home study, etc, but now I am literally waiting for the phone to ring... If we had the money I would start exploring routes in addition to the lawyer but our money is tied up with her.... Thanks for listening.
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I absolutely get it. I waited twice as long as my realistic expectation, based on agency estimates. I had three "almosts" that didn't happen. I spent many days in fear of tuning off my phone, or staring at it willing it to ring. A couple of times, when a situation fell through, I couldn't go to work or really function at all. it made me so angry when people told me it was meant to be, or that "my" baby just wasn't here yet; that was really easy for them to say with a baby in their arms.That said, I'm going to say something that would've p'd me off to no end, but it's true. The waiting was excruciating, but it's hard to really remember that now (fully, emotionally remember, I mean). I think it's like what people say about childbirth: you don't remember the pain the same way. One of the scariest things to me now is that one of those situations could have happened, and I wouldn't have my little guy.I won't give you the platitudes about it happening when it's meant to, because I find them extremely annoying. I am sorry for what you're going through, and I'll be hoping your perfect situation comes soon.
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The waiting is trying me crazy as well!
It's just so frustrating! I'll never forget our first meeting with our adoption agency when they said "most of you will have a baby by the next holiday season." That melted my heart and I thought if they are willing to say that, they must be sure. I see people on the website get babies after a few months, 6 months whenever, but my husband and I along with other couples have been waiting a long time.
It's so frustrating!
I'm in the same boat. I've been waiting for 2 years now and nothing. Whenever I know my profile is being shown it's a roller coaster (getting hopes up only to have them dashed). I've never even had an "almost", though, not a hint of a match.After waiting so long, it's hard to even picture it happening. It does help to commiserate with people who understand, though!
I know exactly how you feel. We had a match to fall through a little over a month ago at the very last minute. I have to admit some days are hard and I feel close to tears. What gets me through it is that I truly feel that there is a baby out there that is meant for us. We too have our money tied up with the one agency and can't afford to explore other avenues at this time. Just try to stay as busy as you can. It only takes one birth mom to pick you so I hope you get "the call" very soon! I tell myself that the call will probably come when I least expect it! I just keep praying.....
thanks everyone, I guess "hope" is the only thing to hold on to. That and just keeping as busy as possible. My adoption lawyer as well as former fertility doctor both said that with fertility there was no guarentee, but with adoption at some point there will be a baby, just don't know when. I hope that everyone's happy ending comes soon.
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jojoann,
My heart hurts along with yours. We just found out that we were being scammed too. Although our time with the birthmom was not as long, it still hurts. I can not figure out what will make me feel better. I am feeling the exact same way. Fertility docs for years with no success, and then on to just wait again!?!?!?! Waiting again with no guarantee? It is so hard. Of course it so much easier to say than to live, but the right time will come. I take comfort in looking at all the other families on this site that have been through what we have, and now have children. My prayers are with you
we are now 24 hrs past our second 'almost', which failed... i know it is hard to wait. there are somedays i just pick up the phone to call my caseworker KNOWING there are no current cases, but just in case...
for me, i've decided that all of these little preparations are God getting us ready for the real thing. sort of like the Braxton-Hicks contractions I had with DD many years ago! i know that He has perfect timing and that in the end, it will all be worth it.
hang in there everybody! our babies will find their way to us...