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I am a new to this type of thing, so try and bare with me. I have been doing alot of reading here, and I have yet to see a situation simular to my own, but I am sure hoping someone may be close.
I was adopted at the age of 2, I never remember being told I was adopted, just always knew that I was. I had a normal childhood, rebellious teen years, which of course I blamed on my aparents and did alot of fantisizing of what my life would have been. Then I grew up and married and at the age of 25, I received a call one day from a woman asking my date of birth, and if I was adopted, and that she was my sister. And then proceeded to tell me that I have 13 brothers and sisters and they were all going to be meeting at my brothers in 3 hours, and he lived 45 minutes from me. Talk about not having time to think about it, but also knew if I didnt, i would always wonder, so I went.
I met most of my brothers and sisters, as it turned out I had gone to high school with my brother, and we had been pretty good friends. I found out that my bparents had been married and together had 12 children, and then my bmother left, after a period of time my father gave up all his rights and all 12 of us were removed from the home, eight being placed in foster homes, the youngest 4 were adopted. 3 years after that, my bmother returned to my father and they had 2 more children which they raised. I did have the opportunity to meet both of them, my bmother turned and walked away, and bfather had nothing to say.
I do have some relationship with 2 of my sisters and 3 brothers, but that is it. My bparents passed away many years ago.
I had felt that I had put everything behind me, until just recently when my (also an adoptee) husband and his bmother reunited, and it has been a wonderful experience so far for him and her. Now those feelings of rejection that I had put away are right back front and center. I am feeling jealous of his reunion, and having some real feel sorry for me moments.
Any suggestions on how to get past this, or is there anyone that has felt the same way
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Hi Mia
Unfortunately I am in a completely different situation to you, having been left outside a police station when I was born and never finding any birth family (haven't even started to look).
I just wanted to give you a bit of support.
One question I have for you is this; the reunion between your husband and his bmother - are you jealous because you are worried that you will be left out, or are you upset because they have something that you haven't, maybe it has brought home to you that due to your bparents having both passed, the book is closed on you having a relationship with them?
Have you voiced your feelings to your husband and/or your bmother in law? When I am in emotional situations that I can't understand, I try to play therapist. I ask myself a bunch of questions and maybe write some thoughts down. Often seeing things on paper can clarify your thoughts into some sort of order and you can see things that you hadn't realised or thought of, which in turn help you see the situation in a different light, thus making you feel better and see the positive side of things.
Sorry, probably not much help to you I know.:moped:
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Thanks for your support, and even tho my bparents have passed, there never would have been a relationship there. 11 of my siblings are older than me, they knew them....they had no desire to know the children. I feel I am jealous because being adopted, as you know, you always have a fantasy of what your life would have been, your bmother was going to come take you away, and you would live happily ever after. Well, my fantasy was certainly way off the mark. But my husband bmother has done just that....and I am sitting here wondering why he drew the trump card. I am feeling very left out, one of the reasons being, I cant imagine how he feeling, as I didnt have a joyous reunion.
I guess I thought I had buried all the feelings of abandonment and rejection along time ago. And they are now staring me right in the face again.
I do appreciate hearing from you, and just because you havent been there, doesnt mean you can't help. Thank You.
Adoption breaks natural bonds from forming. It just does. I think most of the time in reunions, there is a honey moon period. I think we all deserve to know where we came from, but if it's love you are looking for, you need to look to your family - your aparents - who by your own account, loved you. What a blessing. Love isn't grown and nurtured in DNA.... it's the time spent. Don't be jealous, be happy that your husband has the answers. Be grateful that you too have the answers, and a family that loves you.