They've been gone for a decade and I'm still struggling.

No....I don't have recurring nightmares. I DO have occasional flashbacks for brief seconds. I know that sometimes, those feelings/frustrations, etc can actually make me angry or frustrated at what's going on in front of me and only seconds later do I realize *they/that* has absolutely nothing to do with what happened back then. I would suggest that you consider seeing someone who promotes EMDR. EMDR is often a successful way to deal with trauma and PTSD. I denied that I had PTSD for many weeks.......but when I started to have significant anxiety attacks, I knew I had to do something. I sought counseling and it worked. My counselor also conducted EMDR which I believe helped as well. Best of luck to you. What you're going through is NOT unusual given how traumatizing these kids can be. Sincerely, Linny

Hi Linny - Thanks for your post. I can look at objects in our house or be at a place we visited with the kids and my mind replays a tape/memory of an upsetting moment with the kids. This occupies a significant portion of most of my days. This is exhausting and consuming for me and isn't letting up even though they've been gone for a decade. My recall is vivid. I am familiar with EMDR and have considered it. Thank you for the encouragement. Barcar