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It sounds like insurance and keeping a job are the big quandary here. Your area should have crisis pregnancy centers with information on places that will help you with housing, income and insurance issues so that you and your baby can get on your feet. WIC usually has this sort of information on the walls of their offices, and they can help you with food during your pregnancy. I'm sure that there are organizations in your community that would be thrilled to help you during this time in your life. If available in your community you can call 211 to get information on services that may be available. I'm a single mom and know how to find resources so if you run into trouble accessing them feel free to send me a message and I'll help however I can. Adoption is a great option to have, but it sounds like you're feeling pushed into it by this insurance/employment issue, and that just isn't enough of a reason to give away a wanted child. I'm serious about offering to help you find help. I hope that you find what you need to make this situation the best it can be for you and your baby.

I started a thread asking people what practical resources are available for those emoms who wish to consider parenting. I will post some of the links I found. [url=http://www.livestrong.com/article/36846-resources-single-pregnant-mothers/]Resources For Single Pregnant Mothers | LIVESTRONG.COM[/url] [url=http://sm2b.org/life_planning.htm]SM2B.org - Realistic Planning[/url] [url=http://www.loveinc.org/]Love In the Name of Christ[/url] [url=http://www.scholarships.com/financial-aid/college-scholarships/scholarships-by-type/college-scholarships-and-grants-for-single-mothers/]College Scholarships And Grants For Single Mothers - Scholarships By Type - College Scholarships - Financial Aid - Scholarships.com[/url] In regards to becoming homeless, here is a link to places in Arizona: [url]http://www.azcaa.org/pdf/English%20PIG/60-71.pdf[/url] I was in the position once where I became homeless and I stayed in a shelter for young women (this was about 15 years ago) so I could get back on my feet. Staying in a shelter is nothing to be ashamed of. The one I stayed at was partly full of girls like me as well as those escaping abusive situations. I realise in these straitened financial times that many places are probably quite full but it is worth trying church organisations as well as the government to see what is available (I stayed in a place run by the main church denomination in Australia). Even if your boyfriend doesn't want the baby, won't he still have to pay child support? I don't know the answer to that question as I am not in the US and, of course, you can't necessarily rely on that payment. Here is the Child Support website: [url=http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/faq.html]Frequently Asked Questions[/url] Anyway, good luck whatever decision you decide to make. I don't want to be seen to influence you in any way but you did seem to give the impression that you did want to know what help there is.

There are a ton of resources out there all though some are a little difficult to navigate with out help. I was where you are just 10 years ago (except I was 19) and I choose to keep my daughter. It was hard for a couple years but so worth it now and I do not regret my decision but I would have if I had placed her. Do you have your bachelor's degree or any college? IF you have not yet attained your Bachelor's degree you can apply for college and will recieve $5500 in grants each year (you don't have to pay back they are called PELL GRANTS) and upwards of $12500 in loans each year (they are called Stafford Loans and you don't start paying them back until 6 mos after u graduate). To go to school, at most community colleges that is three times what you will need to cover tutition and books, so you can use the remainder to pay for housing and you wll still get to keep your state health insurance. You will also qualify for food assistance (food stamps) and WIC. You can also apply for Section 8 housing which is income based, no income = no payment. Little income = little payment. In the mean time many shelters will provide you both temporary housing plus hook you up with resources, one of the shelters near me helps you fill out the paperwork for low income housing plus if you get a referral from them you go to the top of the list. Depending on the state you are in all pregnant women will keep health insurance until 6 weeks after birth even if they have income. I live in Michigan and am an RN and I still qualified for state health insurance with my last baby, even though I had insurance through my employer and make a decent wage. I noticed you live in Arizona, if you tell us where more specifically I could do a search for resources close to you, If you lived in Michigan I would just give you the hook up since I already help a lot of women in your situation (want to move?). A temporary finiancial situation should never be a reason to place, how will you feel in 2 years when you are doing well financially and the adoptive parents lose thier jobs or some other financial crisis that can hit anyone? PM me if you have any questions or want me to do a more extensive search for help in your area. I want you to know that while your situation is tough and it is not an easy road it can be done.

A few links to resources in AZ: For Food Assistance: [url]https://www.azdes.gov/variant.aspx?id=5199[/url] Child Care Assistance for after the baby is born (to help pay daycare) [url]https://www.azdes.gov/main.aspx?menu=128&id=2670[/url] Cash Assistance ($ to spend on basic needs including housing) [url]https://www.azdes.gov/cash_assistance/[/url] ARIZONA SELF-HELP (This is any awesome site to find lots of resources in one spot and determine if you are eligible) A screening tool that you can use to determine your eligibilty for 31 different Health and Human services programs in AZ: [url=http://arizonaselfhelp.org/go]Arizona Self Help |[/url] I would recommend also looking into Head Start in your area (if you give me your zipcode I will find the nearest program to you). They run a program called Early Head Start which helps women who are pregnant and babies up to age 3 (then the kids transition to Head Start which is a federally funded free preschool). I had early Head Start when I was pregnant with my daughter and they were a god send. They will pay for your medical needs if u do not have insurance or if you have c-pays, but most importantly they provide a lot of emotional support, free parenting classes and hook ups to resources within your community. My home visitor came out to my house once a week to chat, see how I was doing, give me educational materials about my pregnancy, drive me to appointments if I needed it and identify needs and find resources to meet those needs (for example: I needed to get my car repaired so I could go to work and she found a program that helped pay for it) . She is the one who helped me get back into college which is what has allowed me to become the financially independant mom that I am now. Taking assistance for a little while to help move yourself out of poverty is nothing to be ashamed of and in the end is probably best for you and your child. They don't have to suffer the loss of a loving parent and you don't have to live with the regret of placing your child (maybe not everybody does but it sounds like you feel forced into the decision). I know families here in Michigan (I am actually one of them) that mentors pregnant teens and even some of us allow them to live with us until we help them get on thier feet with housing and some financial stability, not sure if there is a similar program in AZ but defineitly worth looking into. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk or want me to look for more resources.

You have some great resources there, mommy2fiveplus :)

Another option to consider is [url=http://www.coabode.com]Welcome to CoAbode Single Mothers House Sharing[/url]. It is a site where single moms find other single moms to share housing with. If you could essentially rent a room from another single mom who needs the income to keep her home, you might be able to get by with less income and still keep your insurance. It may not be an option in the immediate future but I wanted to throw it out there so you know this site exists.

Great info everyone! I'm so glad Red was able to get some help. It is much better to make decisions when you have all the information. Good luck to you, Red, whatever you decide.

It looks like there are a lot of good places to look on here. Thank you for all of your help. I am still not sure I am ready to be a single mother. To answer mommy I actually have graduated college and have my BA. With that said I generally do non profit work and it doesn't pay much. As far as working and keeping my health insurance goes I don't know a whole lot about state insurance I just know what my worker told me and that was that I can't make anymore this year. I love this baby but I also have my own personal demons and I am not sure if I can be a single mom. My boyfriend has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with the baby and that I will have to take him to court if I want anything and that ideally he would like a termination of parental rights. To whoever said there are plenty of people out there that would support me while I place the baby for adoption, I am very aware of that. I am sure your comment was coming from a good place however I don't know if that is the direction I want to go right now. My main focus right now is finding a way to keep a roof over my head.

I was in a similar position to you, with some big differences which in the end did leave me in a place where I could parent. Being a birth mother is a life I wouldn't wish on anyone, so I hope you're able to find the resources you need amongst all these very smart helpful people who left links. What I will say, and it seems from your posts that you already know this but it doesn't hurt to hear it again, if you're not sure you're ready to be a single mother that is okay. You might still feel that way after you're already parenting and that's okay too. Being unsure is okay. But don't place if you're not sure you can be a parent, only place if you're sure you can't parent. Once you place, there's no going back. And honestly once you get on the road to placing, it is hard to get off, there can be a lot of hurt people involved. I hope you find some support. I know how lonely it can be out there. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

I just wanted to say being a birth mother isn't as bad as sounds. I mean it really depends on your circumstances and I would also highly recommend that you need to be 100% sure and do your research before placing. Although it was still hard, I was completely aware of what I was doing throughout my pregnancy and placing. But life is hard... and I know when I hear about my how great my beautiful baby boy is doing, it is completely worth it. Its a decision I am and will continue to be extremely proud of. You mentioned something about having demons... I used to have those. But going through the experience of giving life changed MY life. I grew up real quick. I can't imagine my son not being on this Earth.. the things that Ive been through and going through (stretch marks, pain, stress, weight gain, etc) are all COMPLETELY worth it. The sacrifices are worth it and you will be rewarded. Support is highly needed if you decide to place. Because i wouldn't have gotten through it without the help of God, friends, and family... oh yeah and adoption.com! Good luck with everything, I will pray for you, and remember you are never alone, people do care.

Hi,I know what a hard position that is to be in. I was literally in the same position, at the same age as you are. I lost my job, ended up living on my Mom's couch. The only difference is that by the time I found out I was pregnant, my bf at the time had already been found out to be untrue and had moved overseas to marry another girl. So I can relate to much of what you write, though mine happened a few decades ago.From my POV decades later, I did realize one thing that no one told me at the time. When you're that age, and you're struggling with a pregnancy, no one tells you that this moment is just one moment in time. You will not always be a person struggling with money. You will not always be challenged with finding resources. The folks that adopt, bless those that do, are in a better place financially because they usually are at least 10 years older than the birthmother at the time of the adoption. I'm in reunion now, in the early stages, with my son. And for me, had I realized those things, I never would have given him up. I would have struggled to keep him if someone had pointed that out to me. His life was full of monetary things, and a nice family. But I could have provided those things, and his own biological family, and he would have turned out just as well and just as loved. But everyone's situation is different, of course. I just wanted to share that "wish I'd known then what I know now." There are so many resources now for women chosing to have babies on their own. I hope that you are able to get some objective counseling before you make the decision. It's so much more complicated that people make it sound, being a birthmother or first mother. It doesn't go away once your baby goes home with someone else. Many first mom's are comforted that their babies will have the financial advantages that she couldn't give, and that is enough for them. I wish you well in your decision.

I hope this messages finds you feeling more relaxed and peaceful. I was in similiar shoes about 18 years ago. I made a very difficult decision to put my son up for adoption and things ended up working out wonderfully. The first few weeks I wavered and wasn't sure I did the best thing. The parents I chose, it was an open adoption, were wonderful about sending pictures and letters. Seventeen years later my son found me on Facebook, go figure. We were reunited with the full support of his parents last October and he is a regular part of my family now too, as well as his parents. I made the decision to adopt because I wanted my son to have the best life possible and despite knowing I would be devastated, I knew that it was best for him. Yes, I have had moments where I was overwhelmed with sadness but the happiness I feel now is beyond measure.

Im sorry you are struggling.  A few thoughts..you should qualify for state prenatal insurance, have you looked into that? I am not sure where you live, but is there housing for single moms? Whether you boyfriends *wants* to parent or not, he is legally responsible to help you financially. I wanted to offer you some info and it may not be popular, but thatҒs ok..I am throwing it out there. If you are considering adoption you dont need to decide now and you donҒt need to place at birth. If you are worried that you just cant parent but really WANT to, then I think you try and if you really and truly canҒt do it, then at THAT point you can go to an agency or lawyer, etc. Its not the ғnorm but itԒs an option. My sons bmom considered adoption when she was PG but was talked out of it by her mom. She parented him for about 6 months and decided it just wasnҒt what she wanted for him. She was an AMAZING and loving mom to him , but her age and her home life made it HARD, and she wanted something different for him. I cant even use the word ғbetter (she does) because ԓbetter is relative. Anyway, I think that while it was much harder to place after she parented him for all of those months, it left her with less regrets and ԓwhat ifs.Ҕ She knew she tried, and she saw what it was like and would be like at least for a few years until she turned 18, and could make her decision based on that and not just guessing what it would have been like. As far as the adopteethere were no issues adopting an œolder childԗhe is a happy, bonded, loveable, and perfect little boy. Also you mentioned being a single momI am not sure if you meant you being able to handle it, or you mean your child having a single parent home. If itŒs the later, I would really think about that. Yes, a COUPLE may adopt your child, but there is no guarantee that they wont get divorced. And you could get married in a few short years and he/she would have a stepfather and maybe siblings. Life changes! Just some stuff to think about. Hang in there!!

There is not a day that goes by that I do not regret placing my child up for adoption. I know others have good experiences but for my natural daughter and us it has been a nightmare. The biggest thing I know now that I did not know then is that circumstances can change in a very positive way. If I only had the strength to hold on longer and see a light at the end of the tunnel things would have been so much better. Please explore every resource available to help you. Also realize that research has shown that up to 80% of open adoptions become closed by the adoptive family. You are an educated person and you have a future that many people without an education will not have. Make sure that you do not act in haste or desperation.

No matter what you choose - just make sure it's right for you. I always do the "rocking chair test" when you 80, sitting on your front porch, and rocking in you chair...how would you look back on each choice? Taking the time to invision yourself and how you'd be living with, and feeling about, each of your options really helps you make the best choice for you long term, not just for right now. God bless you on your journey!