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I have an almost 2 year old in foster care. I have never had kids of my own so this is all new to me. His BM is in jail right now due to drugs and leaving him home alone to purchase her drugs so he has a lot of abandonment issues alone with the typical toddler behavior issues. He is cognitively behind on speech & language with only saying about 30 words. I stay at home with him for now but looking to go back to work so he can have the benefit of going to daycare and getting some social skills. I feel bad for getting so frustrated with him. :( Sometime I don't think that I am cut out to do this or wonder why it is that I dont have the maternal instinct/bonding that I thought I would have with him...he is attached to me but I cant seem to become that way with him.
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Plath, I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated. I had some similiar pains when J moved in. A clingy child can be exhausting! Its hard for people who haven't BTDT to fathom how draining it can be. My DD is infiinitely better that when she first came to us, but there are still days where I find myself taking extra long in the bathroom :hissy: Daycare is an excellent idea - both for the social aspects and to give you a chance to regroup, re-energize. hang in there
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You are not alone. Even biological parents get frustrated and wonder about their parenting abilities.We adopted our daughter when she was a baby and it took me a long time to feel like her mom 100%. It's harder on the moms I think. Check your area to see if you can find an adoption group. Just being able to talk with other moms that get it will help tremendously. Also get a copy of "Post Adoption Blues." Not saying you've got the blues but it will help. Keep doing the best you can for him. You'll get there.
I live by the expression "fake it 'til you make it" -- just meaning these kids need us to love them. The act of "faking it" -- i.e. loving them in action and word, providing for them, encouraging them, telling them their good points, etc. even when it feels difficult or awkward (or IMPOSSIBLE due to behaviours :-P) will lead to changes in both of you ... you can then leave the "faking" part behind and move forward.Sometimes I chant this in my head :-P. I have a new little guy who arrived Friday -- full of "interesting" busy behaviours. Yesterday was the first day my heart went "pitter pat" -- as he raced back from the yard at school and threw himself in to my arms to say goodbye (the second time). Prior to this, he's been adorable, but it's been a LOT of work lol.