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Hi everyone. I am seeking everyone's advice on this unique situation. Here are the facts:
I adopted my wife's daughter when she was 6 yrs old. I have been her dad ever since she was 3, and the only dad she knows.
The bio-father is an extremely dangerous person; in-and-out of prison, violent abuser, drug user, illegal weapons dealer, rapist (how my daughter was conceived), among many other bad things. Because of this, he was never put on the original birth certificate, and she was kept away from him from birth.
During the adoption process, we had a talk with our daughter and explained, age appropriately, that she had a different biological father, but that I was still her real dad. She seemed to understand at the time, but didn't ask many questions if any at all. Over the years, she has made comments suggesting that she believes I am her bio-father (such as genetic skills and talents she got from me), but we never reiterated that I adopted her... as the timing just never seemed appropriate. We would just respond in a way that didn't confirm nor deny.
Anyways, she is now 11 and it recently got brought up that my wife and I have only been together for 8 years. So she asked how it was possible that we had her 11 years ago if we were only together for 8. As usual, the timing was not right to explain everything again (in front of our two other younger children, one of which is 7) so we changed the subject.
So, it is apparent she forgot what we told her when she was 6, and now believes I am her bio-father. What is the best way to re-tell her? It's going to be like telling her for the first time. We definitely don't want her to contact or even search for the bio-father. We've been keeping her off any social media sites to prevent any possible contact from him (we discovered on his social media page that he expressed interest in meeting her). She was never given any info about him originally except for that he was not ready to be a dad. When should we give more info about what kind of a person he is, as she is older now and will probably ask more questions? Any advice?
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