The latter book is not written at an easy level and put me to sleep every night for weeks, but worth reading anyway.
Laughing my butt off! Isn't it funny the lengths we will go to when we are trying to help our kids?
What's NOT funny is having so little support that we have to go and read books designed to train mental health professionals just to have a clue what to do..and not do.
When my kids are raised, I am going to get my psych degree and spend the rest of my life helping adoptive parents. Seriously, if we had help in the beginning, we would not be at the place we are right now with our kids. It is hard for me to even be in the same room with my dd. When she turned 8 I thought to myself "Yippee, only 10 years to go!" That's sad.
To the OP:
Take it one day at a time. The only behavior you can realy control is your own. I would say, maybe work on catching her acting her age and smother her in affection and attention.
One mistake I have made is focusing so much on changing my dd's infantile behaviors, then totally ignoring when she actually does act her age!
I really can relate. I have to force myself to say I love you and I have to reassure her constantly that I am really working on being close to her and that we will be ok.
Don't let her birth family fantasy discourage you. It is 100% normal for an adopted child her age to do that. (even children adopted at birth)