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Hello, I'm a newer member to this site so far I find it interesting to read similar stories. I have known since I can remember that Im adopted. My afamily is wonderful but I always felt a void or that I didnҒt quite fit in. I just started my search earlier this year, 6 month ago, and just was reunited with my bparents. We met for the first time face to face a few weeks ago after talking on the phone & emailing for about a month or so. They are still married and I have younger siblings that dont know of me yet. With everything happening so fast IҒm still processing a lot of what or how I am feeling. I walked away from the weekend feeling good about how it went. We left it as we would talk soon. I feel as if they are expecting me to be asking a ton of questions or wanting to know more, which I do want to more about my family history. I learned quite a bit about the reasons why they placed me for adoption, and some health history. I just feel everything will come out with time and getting to know each other. I dont have a ton of questions for them. I just want to get to know them and feel in the process of that things will be asked and answered. Not sure if anyone else has felt this way and I feel alone at times with my feelings about this process since I donҒt really have anyone to talk to who has gone though a reuniting with their bparents. My emotions are all over, Im very happy how well it went but also confused on the next steps until my bparents tell others in my bfamily about me. No one knew about her being pregnant with me. I just want more time with them sooner rather than later҅ Interested for insite from others that have met their bparents. :flower:
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The emotions will definitely run high in reunion for everyone involved. I had my first face-to-face with my son earlier in the year, after communicating via email for about 6 months and then having our first phone call, and subsequent phone calls after that. We took things really slow, but I think that is just both our personalities, it's not like we planned it out that way. I think it is natural to want to know where the relationship is going and how it is progressing, but sometimes you just have to sit back and let it unfold on its own. In the beginning, espeically, there will be a lot of questioning in terms of what the relationship is and where it is heading and how it is progressing, but try to enjoy the moments you have getting to know your birth parents and other family members and use the time in between to feel and process the strong emotions that will come up. It is not always easy to navigate these relationships because there is really no "social template" for people who have been separated and reunited after years/decades apart who also share a biological, emotional and spiritual connection. What I do with my son is just be consistent. I don't always hear from him, but rather than get caught up in "OMG, why haven't I heard from him? Doesn't he want to talk to me?? Did I say something wrong?? Does he want me to go away???" and other negative stuff, I just reach out and call him. Sometimes he is available to talk, sometimes he isn't, but I try to contact him every few weeks to build a foundation with him where HE doesn't have to second guess if I am sticking around or not. I hope your birth parents contact you soon, but in the meantime, I think I would let them know how much you enjoyed getting together with them and see if it is possible for you to get together again soon. Both my son and I were/are very respectful of each others' pace and boundaries and this helps a lot. It may feel awkward at first to say things like "I want to go at whatever pace you are comfortable with, but I also want you to know that I'd like to get together again when and if you are ready to" but it is honest, it gets across your desire to see them, and demonstrates some sensitivity to the other person's pace. I don't think them meeting you again HAS to hinge on them telling the other family members right away if they are not ready for that, so I hope they will be amenable to getting together with you again. Sometimes it's nice to have some time alone, just the adoptee and birth parents, before bringing others into the mix, too.