Do birthparents know the name YOU gave your child?

Because we were planning an OA I did mention it while awaiting a finalization date. He had BD's name, I could tell it was hard for him to hear and not something he had given any thought to, but I wanted to maintain a certain level of honesty so I bit the bullet and did it. Now he calls him by the name I chose and seems to have no issue with it, but it took awhile.

I do not have an open adoption with my son's family and I did not intend to tell them his new name; however, I accidentally slipped and used it at their goodbye visit. With his caseworker's permission, I had been using his new name ever since he moved into my home and had been very careful not to use it around his family at the prior visits, but with all the stress of the goodbye visit, I forgot and slipped in front of them. I could see by the look on their faces that they were hurt and upset that his name would be changing. To this day I feel terrible that I increased their pain on a day that was already incredibly hard for them. If you are only going to be having infrequent and limited contact by email, photos, and letters, then I'd probably not tell them. Obviously, if you are going to have ongoing visits then they will need to be told.

BGMA was the one to push us to change the name. AD was named by her BD, who disappeared the day after she was born, leaving BM to fight to try to keep her on her own. So she was supportive of it changing.BM is not happy, she still calls AD by her birth name, which shouldn't bother me (but it does). We kept her birth name as her 1st middle name and added a new 1st name and a 2nd middle name. We weren't going to tell her, but at a post-TPR/pre-adoption visit my DS (who has no filter) heard her call AD by her birth name and yelled at her "THAT'S NOT HER NAME, HER NAME IS ______." So that wasn't the most constructive way for her to find out about the name change...II do use her legal name when I speak to BM even though she chooses not to (eg, she will say: How is A doing? I respond "E is doing great. She is doing XYZ."). When she is old enough AD will now her middle name was her birth name. Our neighbor was adopted and her name was changed too, so she has the support of someone who has BTDT.

We have been wondering the same sort of thing...we are very close to adoption, have known for months that we may want to change our fs name and wondering if/when to let bm & bd know. Not sure how much, if any contact they will have after all is done, so may not need to discuss it. I do feel for the bm, as she has tatoo od our fs birthdate and initials, which will change.....

We told our son's bps that we changed his name, and bm took it very hard. Bd seemed fine with it. Bm got over it after a while, and she is fine with it now-- even addresses his letters and cards to his new name. We haven't told our daughter's bfam that we changed her name. It is a safety concern, they are mentally ill, and have not accepted the adoption. There are no visits, and when I write updates, I refer to dd by her birth name, so I am assuming that bm thinks we just changed the last name, or she know we changed the name and just aren't telling her what it is. I would tell the family if it isn't going to be a safety concern. My son's bps are in and out of prison, but them knowing his new name is not a safety concern, kwim? My daughter's bm is never in prison, but it is TOTALLY a safety concern for her new name to be known to bm. And I just wanted to add that telling my son's bps that we changed his name was one of the hardest things I've ever done regarding foster care/adoption. But I'm glad I did it. If I hadn't, we wouldn't be able to have this awesome open adoption that we somehow ended up with. I'd constantly be hiding something from them, and making excuses as to why we can't have visits because I was too chicken to tell them about the name change!

LG's parent's family provided them a private attorney to go over all the consequences of relinquishment---the attorney was separate and different than the attorney representing them. I don't know if the attorney really stressed it, or it was just the main part that they heard, but they were very much aware that the boys' names would/could change. I kept LG's nick/middle name as his birth name but changed his first and last. They know it has changed but do not know his full legal name. I get this impression that the prospect and knowledge of the name change made loosing their children "real".

We changed our daughters name, we have not told her bio mom, I know she would be very upset. When we were working out the terms of the open adoption she wanted to put down that we couldn't change her name, but both attorneys told her that it was not an option to put that in the agreement and we could change her name if we chose to, it was never discussed again. Our daughter suffered a horrific assault and suffered severe neurological damage, her case was all over the news in our area and we felt that our child needed a new name to go with her new start in life. Her name was very unique and whenever people heard it they knew who she was, we did not want that. We have not told bio mom that we changed her name and I don't think we ever will, as she is a very volatile young woman and don't want that in my life.

I did tell my son's bios that I changed his name. We have an open adoption and have visited with them since his adoption. I think it is important that they call him by his new first name. His birth name is his middle name now, and I frequently call him by a cute combination of both names. They also call him by this combination (well, 1st mom does.) I told them his new name in a letter. I did not offer any explanation- just that he had a new first name in addition to his birthname.