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I am having a very hard time with my current adoption situation. I have a very strong potential match for a 3rd child. A girl of about 1 year of age. I have another girl -age 4 and a son age 3. I am excited and we are thinking of saying yes tomorrow, but we have a few legal issues in our lives that need handling and we don't know when that will take place. It's something very simple and won't affect a child coming into our home, but it will affect the transition start time. Our SW thinks that we should maybe focus on the legal issue and give the idea of adoption a break for a little while. As he said, there will be other kids. But this little girl sounds just so right for us and who knows how long it will be until a match like this is presented again. I am so torn - part of me says legal issues (i.e. a potential trial) is just an occurrence in our lives, but not how we are going to live from day to day. It could take us a day or it could take 5. My hope is that the matter will be resolved really quickly without a lot of fuss. And the potential for that is quite likely. But until it occurs our lives will be pretty busy - not that they are not busy now with two kids, pets, husband's business, etc.
Everyone think we are crazy to be thinking of adding another child in the first place. Apparently we have it all perfect as we are.
I see some of the points of just being happy enough. I do. And there are moments when I see that adding will take away what I have built with my other two children and they will change too.
I am in such a crazy place with this and I just need some understanding of my crazy feelings and maybe someone who understands adoption to help me make the right decision. I feel a great sense of grief coming on. I don't want to lose this chance, but I'm also worried about the losses to our current situation. If that makes any sense at all.
So here I sit.... just frozen. I am swimming around under the ice trying to find the breathing hole.
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We said no. And we are ok with it, but of course a part of me is dying inside. I was envisioning this child in my life. There is nothing at all that would normally stop me from saying yes about the child. The child was everything that I see in my two other children and then some. The SW's and I are really sad for this as we all saw this as a perfect match. But I am not able to focus right now on the family that I do have.
Everyone agreed that the child needed us to be living without distraction - the time for transition to the home and then the home coming and all that that entails is too important in those first months... especially for a 1 year old who knows nothing but that first mother - she would not have had me fully until possibly Christmas. She needs a mother now. And I would be "here", but my mind would be distracted and I would like have a lot of meetings, etc.
I am sick just thinking about how something like this has affected all that I've been working for since last year. Waiting for the right match. This is the first one that has come up that we felt "yes" - good thing tears falling on lap tops don't show, or you'd not be able to read here.
The one I lost. I'm sick over it.
I almost lost my breakfast just now seeing your name - the girl's name is Grace. OMG. More tears.
I just had a call from the SW to ask how we are doing this morning. And she told me that if it made me feel better the girl is being offered today to a couple who have no other children... she will be their first. I am happy for them and her. What a great Cdn. Thanksgiving present.
I hate that an issue like we have going on is affecting my family so much. My husband is so mad about this - but it keeps us strong and motivated to not let this happen again and to protect our family.
Thanks again Grace. :kiss: