Advertisements
Let me start out by saying, I hesitate to even post here because I don't want to scare anyone away from giving a child a much needed home. I'm hoping my story is rare, but if anyone out there has walked a similar road, I could really use some support from someone who has been there.
Long story short, our baby girl was placed with us at 6 months of age after experiencing severe and repeated abuse. No one knows who physically abused her, but there were findings against both parents. They also waited FOUR DAYS while she was having seizures to take her to the doctor where she hospitalized for two weeks and then placed in our care. No one was ever criminally charged. DSS set a plan on reunification and tried unsucessfully to RU for 4 years. At the 2 year point we filed a private action for adoption. 4 GAL's and 7 foster case review boards unanimously agreed she should not be returned. At 4.5 years of age after a 6 day trial TPR and adoption were granted in a single court order. Visitation was stopped at that point.
The birthmom appealed and the appellate court overturned the adoption. We appealed to the Supreme court, but they did not take the case for review. So it was remanded to the family court. The family court ordered (upon DSS recommendation) to immediately return child to birthmom with NO TRANSITION, even though the child had not seen her for over 4 years and did not remember her. They also did not contact us at all or any of her 13 medical providers to get records or prepare birthmom for what she would need to do to care for this child. We tried to give them as much information as we could, but have been completely pushed away. Also at the time of court DSS was requesting to be released from the case as soon as she established counseling. With the severity of the abuse that caused the removal and the lack of success in reunification the first 4 year, this seems absurd to not monitor closely!
So now we stand three long months later having no rights and no contact to this child who we raised for over 8 years, while the person who at least contributed to her lifelong disabilities is able to take her from everything familiar. And we have been advised to not go to the media or do anything to alienate DSS so they might contact us if she does come back into care.
I guess I'm posting for a few reasons. One is looking for anyone who has been down this road before. She has been an only child due to her MANY medical needs, and now I'm a little lost without her. I'm also horrified that something like this could happen in our country. And since the courts have spoken there may not be much I can do other than pray fervently that she will be safe, but there has to be a way to get something done. The safe families act does nothing if the states don't have to follow it. There have been laws passed to protect kids from stuff like this, but they don't seem to be working. What can we do to fix this?
Like
Share
Advertisements
Drywall -- great advice. That's where we're at now. It's amazing how good I've gotten on documentation the last 8 years. I just keep it up and hope if anything does go wrong we hear about it so we can get her back. Though for my daughter's sake I hope it works out. I don't want to see her hurt anymore. Such a double edged sword. If things go ok, it could be 9 long years before we hear from her. If things don't go ok, it she'll be dealing with another kind of pain. I just hope somehow we can get visitation.HeidiK -- Thank you for your prayers. We know God sees all, and that is the biggest comfort through this time. He's with her now.
We lost a child after almost a year and he was returned to a bad situation. We were devastated. I cannot imagine the pain of your loss.
Do you have the mental and emotional energy to fight this? I ask, because it is ok if you do not. You gave your child a wonderful start and you were abused by the system and no one can fault you if you need to walk away and lick your wounds.
But if you want to fight, I'd start with your state representatives. Does your state have an Office of the Child Advocate (or equivalent)? You need to tell your story to someone far above DSS. Even if they can't help you, they can make sure this doesn't happen again.
And oh, I understand the fear about not wanting to tick anyone off in case your child comes back into care. We've lived under that for three years. Only recently have we realized that if our FFS comes back, he is likely to go to birthfamily members, rather than us. That knowledge has freed us, in a way, and we are much more vocal about our story and the problems we see in the system.
Thoughts and prayers are with you.