Reunion - Need Advise and Insight

believe it or not this is fairly common. She is jealous maybe not of you but the other woman, your mother. Once things settle down and she sees her life didn't change you will be fine. Slow and steady wins the race. My mothers husband was the cause of our reunion going astray. Jealousy is an evil emotion.

Thank you for your response, littlewanderer. This whole experience has been a game-changer for me. Even with all the ups and downs and crazy, CRAZY, CRAZY(!!!) emotions of everyone evolved I'd do it all over in a heartbeat to hear the words, "I always searched for you and I am proud to call you my daughter". This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but to get the emotions out in the open and to FEEL everything has been life changing. I still hope and pray that his family can come to understand what he is going through and support him in the journey. I can't imagine going through all of this - with all the feelings and emotions that come to the surface that have been buried for so many years - without the love and support of your partner. It's his family I pray for the most. What a ride, what a ride!

Dynamics in relationships are mind boggling. I had a similar situation except my birth parents married each other. Unreal isn't it? Go figure. My father is the one who contacted me. His extended family are open to me. His sister my Aunt is a Godsend. My mother just listened to me on the phone for a long time; several phone calls so I believe he was the one who wanted to make contact when I found them. My birthmother is another person who is guarded almost like my finding them would rob her of something. Like adding a person to the family would rob her of something. Bizarre idea but it seems that's what's happening in her head. I have two brothers who she makes no bones about saying mean everything to her. "The boys". I want to scream. She guards my contact with my father and says things like "you can talk to him for awhile". We have great conversations. I don't know what her problem is. She is very strange. I am glad I found out who they are and I hope that one day she comes around but it's been almost 15 years and I still initiate contact. I was a basket case when I met them. Maybe that's it. I was emotionally confused and maybe I came on too strong. I don't know. But I am who I am....for a reason.

One more thing that I just thought about is how this woman would explain to the people she knows that her husband got a girl pregnant and the child was given up. People can be extremely judgmental and some catty friends might be filling her head with nonsense. Fear is a major factor sometimes. One time I went to the grocery store with my birthmother and this lady who knew her for years said "oh that must be your sister". I have white hair so I said "yeah I'm 15 years older and had some work done" "What do you think?" It dawned on me just how many people didn't know and what was my birthmother to say? Lots of God knows what kind of crap affects us.

Hey everyone, first time here but hardly new to the reunion experience LOL. Found my birthmother in 2003. Our initial reunion went very well, then, about seven months later, she suddenly withdrew on me. I had no idea why. Then, after a few more months, she warmed up again and all was well again and has been ever since. She told me it was just a lot of emotional baggage to deal with, I cannot pretend to "understand" but I did my best to try and to be respectful of what she was going through.

Totally off subject, but every time I see this thread it bugs me that I put "advise" and not "advice". One of those OCD parts of me coming out... Have a good day, Everyone! :prop:

Hi, I can understand the jealousy thing. My story is slightly different. I am in a same sex relationship, and when my birth mother came on the seen 2 years ago my partner was so jealous and still is. My mum and I get on really really well, in fact my partner thinks too well. It is like being in love but not in a bad way and my partner can't take it. It is casing problems in our relationship but I can't turn my back on my birth mother now. So I sort of know how you feel and it's really **** when family members do get jealous.

I can honestly say I have had to go above and beyond to try to help all the jealous (or whatever it is, threatened?) people in my life involved in my reunion LOL my husband, my aparents, my asibs, my mother and her husband, my father and his wife, their kids were jealous of me and especially my kids, my kids were jealous of all of them although they were the best about it......... I've always wished I could just hug them all at once, I'll never get why that has to be such a problem. I admit I have felt some jealousy here and there too, but not like them. None of them has noticed it, or has had to help me with it and make me feel better that's for sure. I sure do feel popular and loved tho;) Sorry, it's not funny, but ****!!! I can only spread myself so thin until I become invisible! It has made me want to run from them all, and take only my kids with me.

Wow, that's what I've been through (though not so much with my mom and bdad). Frankly, when the emotions get overwhelming for me I just want to cut off contact with everyone except hubby and our children, for a year.