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4 weeks ago I was contacted by a young woman, looking for her birth father. My dad, she was looking for. Stunned was I, but tickled pink with this revelation. I did my homework to find confirmation. I am opening my home and my heart to this young woman, my sister, next month for Thanksgiving, in order to have the two of them meet. Dad has Alzheimers disease, and for some moments understands what I'm telling him. My heart is broken, both for her and for my dad; this young woman is 26 years old, I am 53. I have volunteered to accompany her when she goes to try to meet her birth mother, as I met her in my youth.
I don't know what else to do. I want to do and say all the right things to let her know that had any of us known of her existence, we would have never let her go! That's how I feel. (Any of us, means my other sister and brother.)
I've do not have a clue what it feels like to be adopted, and can only begin to imagine. This is eating up my heart so very much. All data I have read so far stresses birth mothers, no mention do I see of birth fathers. Are they important too? I have sent her all the photos I can of dad, from his youth on up; I have sent her all records I have of my father's parents, grand parents, etc..
What advice can you give me, because I am truly at a loss, and I don't want to do or say the wrong thing.
Will she want to be a sister? Or is this quest all about the mother and to a lesser degree the father?
Can anyone help me figure out the right thing to do/say?
Kind regards.
One never knows what might be right around the corner! My own mother died at my birth, and I never knew her or anything about her. While not adopted, my step mother was never kind about sharing details and in fact forbade discussion. So my heart breaks for this young lady looking for her birth parents/family. I just want to do the most helpful, best thing.
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lucyray
4 weeks ago I was contacted by a young woman, looking for her birth father. My dad, she was looking for. Stunned was I, but tickled pink with this revelation. I did my homework to find confirmation. I am opening my home and my heart to this young woman, my sister, next month for Thanksgiving, in order to have the two of them meet. Dad has Alzheimers disease, and for some moments understands what I'm telling him. My heart is broken, both for her and for my dad; this young woman is 26 years old, I am 53. I have volunteered to accompany her when she goes to try to meet her birth mother, as I met her in my youth.
I don't know what else to do. I want to do and say all the right things to let her know that had any of us known of her existence, we would have never let her go! That's how I feel. (Any of us, means my other sister and brother.)
I've do not have a clue what it feels like to be adopted, and can only begin to imagine. This is eating up my heart so very much. All data I have read so far stresses birth mothers, no mention do I see of birth fathers. Are they important too? I have sent her all the photos I can of dad, from his youth on up; I have sent her all records I have of my father's parents, grand parents, etc..
What advice can you give me, because I am truly at a loss, and I don't want to do or say the wrong thing.
Will she want to be a sister? Or is this quest all about the mother and to a lesser degree the father?
Can anyone help me figure out the right thing to do/say?
Kind regards.
One never knows what might be right around the corner! My own mother died at my birth, and I never knew her or anything about her. While not adopted, my step mother was never kind about sharing details and in fact forbade discussion. So my heart breaks for this young lady looking for her birth parents/family. I just want to do the most helpful, best thing.
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Congratulations and welcome to the reunion craziness. Your feelings of wanting to say and do the right thing are very common - and I can tell you are the same on the other side.
I have been in reunion with my bparents for 4 years. They were highschool sweethearts but never married. Although my time with my bmom was more emotional ... growing up as an adopted child, you know have some idea maybe of how your mom felt but you don't know for sure if your dad even knew. But my time getting to know my bdad has been incredible. He opened his heart and told me his stories. All of this has given me a grounding that I never knew I was missing. As far as what she is looking for, she may not even know. I got so much more than I ever imagined - bmom and bdad, extended family and friends, amazing new people in my life. Some I really connect with, others are like family that you see at reunions, and others I probably will never know.
So just keep doing what you are doing. Be open, be honest, be understanding, and enjoy whatever this new relationship might be .... that is what "real families" should always do. Good luck and Have fun. Enjoy!!!
Jill
One of the most special parts of my reunion has been meeting my half brothers. The fact that they so warmly welcomed me as their sister means more to me than they could ever know. It was actually hard for me to believe that they could accept me so easily and I was so worried about infringing on their family. So my advice is to tell your sister how you feel, let her know that you realize it's a lot to take in and then just keep on reassuring her that you want her to be a part of her family. I'm so happy for you!