Advertisements
Hi,Our daughter is now 7 months. During that time (and before) husband was out of work for 2 years (but going to school). He had a really hard time finding work while being at school. He finally found a job and now works weekends and goes to school as well. I have off on weekends, so not much help from him while I am off work (he does want to help). My mom lives with us since baby was born (regular child care is too expensive for us). She is caring for her all week and I pay her (she wouldn't take the money at the beginning but I insisted and now she does).I work sort of a lot during the week, so there is not much free time to spend with baby or do my own stuff either. When weekend comes I don't have a lot of time for myself and I do need an hour here or there to take care of some basic things (like a pedicure or a date night with hubby). I feel so guilty asking my mom to care for her while I do these things on weekends, since she cares for baby all week. I do have a couple of local friends that can babysit if I asked, I am just terrible at asking favors, plus I kind of only leave baby with mom or hubby, no one else has ever taken care of her but us 3.Does anyone else feels guilty about a little me time. I am not planning to go on bars or anything. I just need a pedi once in a while. Why do I feel so guilty???? Why do I also feel so afraid of leaving baby with other family members or friends, or even a sitter?
Like
Share
For me, my guilt came from that place of "I wanted this sooooo bad..... and now I need a break?!?! "
Ironically enough, it was my children's biological Great Grandmother who encouraged me to take some time for me. I still laugh when I think of the conversation, LOL. She actually said she had wondered if/when I would take a break for myself but didn't want to overstep by saying anything!
Something in me clicked at that moment and made me realize that it wasn't about me being an "adoptive mom", but just about being a plain old mom. And mom's get stressed, mom's need breaks, moms kids drive them nuts at times.
Take some time for yourself, it will do a world of wonders!!!
BTW, I am a FLAdoptiveMama too!
Advertisements
I am a single mother so face some of the same issues as you do with your husband working on the weekend. And my parents watch my son a lot when I work also.And then, the factor I did not anticipate, I really do want to be with my son. So, even when I take time away, I feel guilty, partly because I enjoy being with him. But there are times he makes me nuts and I do need me time. I have not figured it all out yet. For someone else, I say, of course you need me time. For me, I feel guilty! It's a hard balance.I'm glad you asked and got a pedicure! We are all better mothers if we make time for ourselves also.
I think we, as adoptive parents, are more prone to feelings of guilt. Wanting time for ourselves, getting tired or frustrated; we feel like we aren't being grateful for what we have, or aren't remembering how much we went through to be parents. We've had our son since birth, he'll be four in Feb, and I still feel guilty, sometimes. But remember, we are parents, just the same as anyone else, and we need breaks, too. We get tired, have moments of crankiness, want time alone with our spouses/partners, and there's nothing wrong with that. We're human. :)
Don't feel bad (I know, sometimes I can't even take this advice myself) and don't be afraid to reach out to friends or hire a sitter when you want some "me" time.
Advertisements
I agree with Michelle. I think we might hold ourselves to a higher standard (we should want to spend every minute with our children) because of the process we went through to have children. But like everyone has said, we're just plain ol' parents who need to be recharged now and again. I get the feeling guilty...but I also know the quality of the time my son gets after I've had a break is so much better than when I don't take time for myself. Grandma is giving us a date night this weekend, and I can't wait!
On another note, I had lots of friends offering to babysit, and I thought they were just being nice. I had to call one when grandma got sick, and she told me she was so excited! She had offered a few times but figured I just wasn't comfortable leaving with non-family yet so stopped offering...Peanut's Godfathers point blank asked me when they got their day...I've gotten a little more comfortable asking!
I used to feel guilty too, now....not so much. :D
I had a good friend tell me recently, when I was feeling particularly guilt panged: "Don't feel guilty about leaving your child with her father. Think of it as giving them an opporunity to deepen and strengthen their bond."
Man alive. It hit me square between the eyes! I am out of the house at least three nights a week for AA meetings, and I always felt guilty, even if I was doing something good for me, and by extension, my family. Now that I can see Cam NEEDS alone time with her daddy, it makes my heart feel better and I can relax.
As for date night? Do it. I wish we did it more, but with my husband in school and working full time, it's been hard lately. To lessen your guilt over that, schedule your dates for when your little one is in bed or about to go down, that way you KNOW you aren't depriving her of your lovely self. :eyebrows:
Advertisements
We didn't have a babysitter - including family members - for two years after we adopted our kids. I just could not see them with anyone else. The adjustment for us all took so long. when we were ready we hired a great babysitter, we over pay her and expect big things. She is always available when we need her. Find a responsible teen who can stay even for a few hours so you can get out to dinner or do some shopping or pedi by yourself.
As to feeling guilty, when you are tired and feeling less than you will not be happy and everyone else will not be happy either. My DH always says - happy wife, happy life. Happy Mama, no drama. Take the time you need. Your child will see it and know that you love her still, but that you love yourself also.
It's actually good for them to have some time away from mom. I remember when I took a friend on a retreat, she was freaking out, but when she got home she was surprised because her daughter was talking more. In just one weekend, turns out she did because when she said Uh, dad didn't know it meant she wanted a snack. So she had to start using words. Turns out she knew them but since mom knew what she wanted she never needed them. Time with dad really helps kids.